


Phoenix

by kryxzgaming



Series: Buttercup Trilogy [2]
Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Gen, M/M, im sorry again, lots of.. angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 15:58:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 64,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14937410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kryxzgaming/pseuds/kryxzgaming
Summary: john can't lose hope. he can't. he has to stay strong- for the both of them.lukas has to keep fighting. he has to find his way back- for the both of them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> have fun <3

**john**

 

His eyes. They were all that I had left of him. His eyes would be forever burned into my brain. Everyday, I found myself picking up the same photo of him and staring at it, as if I expected something different to happen. Isn't that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over, and over again, and expecting a different result each time. 

Two years. It's been two years since I last saw the love of my life. Since I last saw Lukas.

He was only eighteen years old when he was taken by some sick fucks. My friends and I instantly started researching them, and we still are, to this day. But we haven't found enough. Every lead we thought we've had has been debunked. I still have hope that I'll be able to hold him again some day. 

I'm starting to lose hope.

We thought he died, at first. Then I realized, on the day of his burial, that.. whoever we buried.. wasn't Lukas. Of course, none of us said anything. They'd all think we were crazy. But it wasn't him. It must have been.. a.. well, we don't know  _what_ it was.

For all we know, Lukas could be dead. But we don't know. And I haven't fallen out of love yet. In the two years since I've seen him last, my lips haven't touched another's. My hands haven't held another's. My heart hasn't been stolen again. I couldn't dare to love again. Because there was still the chance that Lukas was alive, and I  _promised_ him I'd find him, and that I'd always love him. And I didn't break my fucking promises.

"John, put the photo down. You do this shit every day," My door swung open as a voice spoke. I turned around after putting the photo down, and glanced at who had spoken. Craig. He sat on my bed with a frown, glancing at me. I bit my lip as I raked my eyes over him. His hair was a fuckin' mop, because after taking such good care of it for so long, he got fucking tired of it and gave up. It suited him though. He had bags under his eyes, but his actual eyes were still as bright as always. I let my eyes rest on the scar on the left side of his face for longer than I should have. He had only gotten that a few months ago, after a pretty fuckin' wild incident with the police.

"John, dumbass, did you hear a single thing I just said?" Craig snapped his fingers and tore me out of my thoughts. I jumped, startled, and then laughed.

"Not at all." I spoke, grinning. Craig sighed, then rested his head in his hands.

"I said, Tyler and Scott think they caught something and won't shut up about it. And it's  _your_ boyfriend they're talking about, so I figured you'd want to hear about it." He spoke, glancing at me. I nodded. 

"Alright. Is it an actual thing or is it just false hope?" I asked as I stood up, frowning a bit as I grabbed my vape pen off of my desk. Two years and I still haven't gotten rid of that habit. It was unhealthy, but I wasn't about to turn to cigarettes. Fuck that. Craig shrugged.

"Look, we've been at this shit for two years and we're only like, three steps ahead of where we started. So I don't fucking know, John." Craig stood up, then rested his head on my shoulder. "I'm sorry I'm being so bitchy. I just had a shitty morning." 

"What happened, man?" I frowned, then ruffled his hair a bit. He scrunched up his nose and pulled his head off of me, then shrugged. 

"I don't know, I just woke up in a bad mood and Tyler wasn't helping, cause he had his face shoved in the fucking computer screen." Craig murmured. I frowned. 

"Oh. Well, why don't you come with me, then? I know you're more into the video and photo shit when it comes to our research, but maybe they found something you can help us figure out. An extra brain is always better." I slung an arm around his shoulder and we walked down the stairs. A reluctant sigh soon escaped his mouth, and I smiled as he spoke.

"Fine, John. But can we have a bro hangout, tonight? Y'know, like we did back in the good old days?" He asked, as we made our way down the stairs. 

"Dude, we had one, like, last week, you fuckhead." I laughed, but nodded anyways. "But yeah, sure, that's fine. Unless this is something big, of course, cause then I've gotta give it my all, y'know?" 

"Yeah, I know, and that's totally understandable.. but it probably won't be something big, you know that, right?" Craig stopped at the bottom of the stairs and made me look at him. I sighed.

"Yeah, I know. It.. it never is. But we'll get there soon. All of us together? We have to find something.. right?" 

When we graduated high school, we all decided it would be a good idea to move in together. Not in the same house, or anything, but in the same apartment complex. It had only been built that year, so we all quickly bought apartments. All of us filled up half of the apartment complex. All of us had roommates, and it was pretty annoying at times, but we dealt with it. We were family.

Actually, I lived with Craig and Tyler. I had to leave a lot and head over to someone else's because they were incredibly loud whenever they were alone together. It was fucking unbearable. 

"Yeah, we'll find something." Craig murmured, and gave my shoulder a comforting squeeze. I sighed, then walked into the living room, where Scotty and Tyler were staring at Scotty's laptop. 

"Alright, dipshits, what have you found?" I asked as I walked over to them. Scotty glanced at me and sat up a bit, then spoke.

"Two years ago, about a month and a half after Lukas was reported missing, there was a power outage that hit the entire city. It happened in the middle of the night, and nobody really paid much attention to it. But there was one part of the city that didn't lose any power at all." He murmured, and pointed at the screen. "Here, there's video footage of it. Tyler's trying to figure out where that is." 

"Oh shit, video? Let me see." Craig quickly jumped on the couch before I could even try to make my way over there. I rolled my eyes, smiling a bit, then sat down, squeezing in between Scotty and Craig. 

"Okay, play it." I focused my eyes on the screen in front of us and watched as Scotty pressed play. The camera was from a high angle, maybe from a helicopter or something, and it covered a huge part of the city. The city was active with lights, and then all of a sudden, everything blackened- except for one huge mass, towards the Western outskirts of the city.

"What the  _fuck.._?" I whispered, staring at the screen. "Why isn't that part losing power?" 

"At first I thought it might be a government building, but that doesn't make any sense. Just because it's an important building doesn't mean electricity is suddenly bound to work there, y'know?" Tyler murmured. I glanced over at him and saw that he was focused on the laptop in front of him. His tongue was slightly poking out between his lips as he concentrated. 

"Yeah, no, that doesn't make any sense." I shook my head and glanced at the screen again, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Craig? You got any ideas?" 

"...I might. Scotty, how slow can you make this go?" Craig leaned forward and restarted the video to before everything went out. Scotty shrugged, 

"Uh, like, a hundred times? Maybe two hundred." He replied, watching Craig as he zoomed in on the mass that had remained lit. 

"Alright, well, if my theory is correct.. the power should cut out in an outwards direction from the mass that never lost power, heading east, obviously." Craig adjusted the settings so the video was slowed, and then pressed play. We all watched quietly.

Like Craig said, the power started going out near the mass, and then spread further and further. Of course, the mass itself never went out. 

"Holy shit." Scotty let out a breath once the power outage had reached the eastern stretch of the city. "Alright, let's refer to this big mass that never lost power as A. What we're looking at here is a power outage across the entire city, caused by A?" 

"I think that's exactly what it is," Craig mumbled, then leaned back. "What the fuck is going on, guys?" 

"This was two years ago. Have we had any major power outages since?" I asked, glancing over at Scott and Craig. Tyler cleared his throat behind me,

"It doesn't even matter if it's major or not, guys. This happened in the middle of the night, and nobody really questioned it. We all apparently just assumed it was a pretty big fuck-up. I'm thinking this isn't the only time A has gotten away with shit like this," He said. I stood up and started lightly pacing. 

"Tyler, babe, have you figured out what it is yet?" Craig asked, glancing over at Tyler. I sighed and stopped pacing, leaning against the wall as I looked over at them. Tyler shook his head.

"No, and to be honest, it'll probably be pretty hard to. Sure, it's fucking massive, but if this place  _is_ responsible for shit like this, and if it's also the place that Lukas was taken to.. they're going to take every possible precaution to make sure they're off the grid." He said, matter-of-factly. "Scott, why don't you go e-mail one of those conspiracy motherfuckers and see if they might know anything?" 

Scott grabbed his laptop and nodded. "Sure."

"Tyler, we  _are_ those conspiracy motherfuckers, at this point," I said, chuckling a bit. Tyler threw a glare at me and I only laughed harder. Soon, the door swung open and I glanced at it. Marcel walked in with three pizza boxes in his hands, and Delirious trailed in after him with two more.

"Hey, guys. Scott texted me saying y'all were up to some research and I know how invested you fuckers get- we  _all_ do- so Del and I figured we'd stop and get you some food." Marcel explained, then put the pizzas down on the little coffee table in front of the couch. 

"I have the  _best_ boyfriend," Scott chuckled. Marcel leaned over and kissed him with a smile, then pulled away as Delirious moved to put his boxes down. 

"There's pepperoni, meat lover's, vegetarian, cheese, and supreme." Delirious said. "Oh, and by the way, we're staying over. The rest of the guys went to the movies." 

"You didn't go with Evan, Del?" I asked, frowning a bit as I glanced over at him. 

"Nah, he said he needed a break from the conspiracy shit and I mean, I don't blame him, but I'd rather be here and help out as much as I can." Del said, smiling. 

"Oh, well shit. Thanks, man." I reached over and gave him a hug, and he hugged me back. 

"Of course. We've got to figure this out soon, I think we're all tired of these assholes." He chuckled a bit as I pulled away from him, and I nodded. 

"You've got a point there. Did you two bring your laptops, or-"

"Obviously, dumbass." Marcel rolled his eyes, then frowned. "Oh shit, they're still in the car. Ugh. I'll go get them, be right back." He chuckled at his own mistake, then left, shutting the door behind him quietly.

"Alright, well I'll go grab some drinks from the fridge." I murmured, then made my way to the kitchen. I pulled out some sodas and some waters, then walked back to the living room and put them on the table. Everyone grabbed what they wanted, and we waited for Marcel to come back before we opened the pizza. "Oh, shit. Plates. Ugh. I have to go back to the kitchen." 

I sighed and grabbed my vape pen out of my pocket, then quickly took a drag. I slipped it back into my pocket and then opened my mouth and let it out, laughing a bit myself as my friends laughed. "We get it John, you vape." Craig said, smiling. I chuckled, then turned around and walked back into the kitchen. I opened one of the cupboards and grabbed all of the paper plates, too lazy to count how many we actually needed.

I walked back into the room and tossed them onto the table, then sat down on the couch and pulled out my phone, scrolling through twitter. I went to my activity, then scrolled through my mentions, and frowned a bit as I read one tweet.

**_ladysweeper: kryoz, what happened to smitty?_ **

Lukas and I filmed a lot of videos together before the incident. Obviously, videos with him stopped coming out afterwards, and people caught on. They started asking questions, and I never answered them. None of us ever answered them. All of us had YouTube channels now. Shit, we were YouTubers. YouTube was our career, which was why we were able to do so much research all the time- we didn't have actual jobs to go to. Two years later, and people  _still_ want to figure out why Smitty disappeared, and why we never talk about him.

It was really hard to hide him from everyone. I was always brutally honest with my viewers about everything, and to keep such an important part of my life away from them.. well, like I said, it was hard. It was hard for everyone. Sometimes in the middle of a recording session, someone will crack a joke that we all know Lukas would have laughed his ass off at, and we go quiet.

I just wish it didn't have to be that way. We should be making jokes, and Lukas should be with us, laughing at them. He should be making us laugh. He should be showering in success. He should be here. 

I missed him so fucking much. I missed everything about him. I missed him. So  _fucking_ much. I could barely remember his voice, so every night I would watch the last video he recorded and play it. It was.. it was about me, actually.

_"Hey, guys. It's been a hot minute since we've talked like this, y'know? Like, one on one, I mean. Uh, bleh, what do I say? How have I started these again? Commentaries are fuckin' weird, dude. Like, you just sit and talk, and then you throw your voice over some gameplay of somethin' and then people just sit and watch it. It's weird. YouTube's weird. Life is weird. Jesus, Smitty, stop being so fuckin' depressing. Okay, anyways, this is really just an update video. Uh.. about me? It's not about the channel, for once. I mean, things have been going really smoothly, but.. I wanted to talk about someone important to me._

_"Uh.. he's.. he's my boyfriend, I'll be honest. Yeah, I'm pretty fuckin' gay, guys. And no, this video isn't going to be titled 'coming out' or anything like that, it'll probably just be titled.. uh. Well, I'll call it Phoenix, and I'll call my boyfriend Phoenix, cause that's my nickname for him. That.. might seem familiar to you guys, and if you make any connections.. congratulations! I can't tell you if it's true or not. Not yet, at least. But anyways, this guy, right? He's the love of my life. Oh my god, where do I begin? He makes me so happy. Like, damb. Okay. So Phoenix, he's the hottest guy ever. Oh my god." He laughed, "I can't believe I just fucking called my boyfriend hot on a fucking commentary. Oh, whatever, I don't think I'm editing this anyways. Other than like, putting the voice-over over the gameplay and- you fucking know what I mean!_

_"Anyways, he makes me so happy. He's really important to me, and we've only been dating.. nine months. It'll be ten months like, two weeks from now. But like.. he's so perfect. You know? He's just perfect. And I don't really believe in perfection or anything, cause that's all opinion-based, and is totally subjective, but I think he's perfect. As perfect as perfect gets. His laugh makes me feel all bubbly inside. And his smile makes my heart twist and turn in the best way possible. His hair is really smooth and pretty and it smells like vanilla. His hands intertwine perfectly with mine, and I.. I actually have this ring he gave me. It's black, and it has an emerald gem, and it's really fucking pretty. And he made a promise with it, and he promised me that he'd always love me. And I believed him._

_"I still do._

_"I never really told him anything back, like I never gave a promise in return, but when it happened, I vowed the same thing. I'll always love him. He also promised me that he'd find me, if we ever parted ways, and I promise him the same thing. I mean, I'm not like.. ever going to say it to him, but.. well, knowing him, he'll watch this video. Actually, I'm going to end it here on a note to him- Phoenix, if you're watching this, I love you. And I promise, if we ever part.. I'll find you. I don't really want to give this an actual outro, cause this was a shitshow of a video.. but bye, guys. I'll see you in the next video. Oh! And, if you were actually sort of affected by me totally gushing over the love of my life, don't be afraid to give that like button a little press. Okay, okay, bye guys!"_

"John, are you okay?" Tyler's voice ruptured the barrier that had separated me and my thoughts from the real world. I sniffled, and reached a hand up to rub at my eye, then frowned when I realized I had started crying. 

"Fuck." I sighed, and shook, then rested my face in my hands. "No, I'm not okay. I haven't been okay for the last two fucking years." 

I felt arms wrap around me, and I fell into whoever it was. I soon realized it was Scotty as he started talking. "Let it out, John. I'm here for you. We all are."

And I did. I cried. I cried into him.

I hate most catchphrases. You know, like  _"all good things must come to an end."_ I fucking  _despise_ that saying. But I also hate the saying,  _"time heals all wounds."_

Because it doesn't.

The more time that has passed since we realized Lukas was missing, the worse and worse I feel.

The more and more hope I lose.

I felt useless. I felt so fucking useless.

I just wanted him. I needed him.

Come back, Lukas. Please.

I still love you, buttercup.


	2. Chapter 2

**lukas**

 

Lies. Lies, lies, lies, and more lies. These past two years, that's all I've been surrounded by. By lying mother _fuckers._

Lukas. That's my name. But that's not what I go by. They all call me Purple. Cause if you take my eyes, and you combine the colors, you get purple. Pretty original, right? Nope.

Two years ago, some motherfucker took me away. And he took me to this.. well fuck, it's like a fucking prison. Except it's.. not. They all treat you normally, like you're there for a  _good_ reason, like you're normal, like everything is good. They act like it's a safe haven. And then they  _fuck you up._

When they first brought me in, I woke up in a white room. They bombarded me with questions, such as "what's your name?", or "how old are you?", or "do you know what year it is?" I didn't talk much, obviously, so they left me. They kept asking me questions until I answered. I finally broke, after about a month, except I  _never_ told them my name. Because they already knew it. I figured that out pretty quickly. They always asked you questions you knew the answer to. They just wanted to work on trust. 

I didn't trust any of them.

'Cause all those fuckers ever did was lie.

They told me they'd let me go in a month. That they just had to make sure I was healthy. That I was fine. That I wasn't a danger. 

Well, it's been two years, and I'm still here. 

When they put all those fucking needles in me, they told me they were making sure I wasn't sick. They  _made_ me sick. For a little over three months, they came into my room and recorded my progress as I laid in my bed, drained of everything. I felt pain everywhere. Except it wasn't just normal pain, it was unbearable. I was usually asleep because of it, and when I wasn't, I was throwing up, or bleeding, or dry heaving, or having another  _fucking_ anxiety attack. It took a while, but I eventually bounced back. 

And they were pleased. Because apparently, I was special. I was healthy. I was godlike. Because I was the first to survive.

I really didn't want to survive after they told me that.

They let me out of my room that day, and they took me to another room, and I saw people. They were all my age, and I could only feel relief as I didn't see any young children. "Go and make a friend," they told me, and then left. I sat down on a couch, and stared at the ground, and then stared at my hands.

_This room was too quiet. It was full of people. And they were doing the same thing I was. Nothing._

_I looked at my left hand, and smiled a little as I noticed the ring. They took everything away from me, but not the ring. I wouldn't let them. It took a while, but they eventually gave it back, and I never took it off afterwards._

_I just wanted to leave. I wanted to get up and run away. To flee._

_To see John again._

_I couldn't imagine what he was going through. Him and our friends. My parents. They all probably thought I was dead. And honestly, I'd rather be dead than here._

_I looked up as a guy stood up. His skin was dark, and his hair was also dark. It was a little curly, and I looked down to his eyes. They were brown, but around the pupil, they were hella light. Almost a.. golden color. He made his way over to me, then sat down next to me. "You're new here, right?" He asked, his voice soft._

_"Uh, yeah, I am. It's been like.. four months, I think." I was a little uneasy, but I spoke anyways. I didn't have anything to lose. He looked over at me, and his eyes met mine, and his eyebrows raised a bit._

_"You're Purple." He said, chuckling a bit. "Holy shit."_

_"Purple..? Who's that..? What do you mean?" I rubbed the back of my neck, and he shook his head._

_"Yeah, I figured you'd be confused. All the whitecoats? When they talk, they don't think anyone listens, but we all do. You're Purple- or at least, that's what they call you. You've become quite the conversation starter around here." He said._

_"Why am I.. wait, do they call me purple cause of my eyes?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows a bit. He nodded._

_"They know your name, but prefer to refer to everyone by a nickname. It's less personal." He explained. "They call me Qwerty, but my name's Jason. Call me Jay. It's nice to meet you." He held his hand out, and I took it with a smile._

_"..Lukas."  I said. Usually I didn't give my name out so freely like that, but I felt like I could trust him._

_"Lukas," Jay repeated. "Dope name."_

_"Anyways.. why was I being talked about?" I asked, frowning a bit. Jay chuckled before he spoke again._

_"Alright, so first of all, it took you a month to answer their questions." He mumbled, turning his head to glance at me. "That's unheard of. Usually everyone cracks within hours. Before you, the longest was about two days, which was held by me."_

_"Why do you guys give in so easily?" I asked, frowning._

_"I don't really know, man. I just sort of gave up. Fuck it, y'know?" He said, sighing. "The others were probably full of hope, so they gave in immediately. Why'd it take you so long, though?"_

_"I was pissed," I murmured honestly, chuckling a bit. "I still am pissed."_

_"Yeah.. me too. I'm runnin' out of hope though, Lukas." Jay sighed, then glanced at me. "I want to escape, but it seems impossible, you know? I've been here for a year now."_

_"You know what, Jay? We'll figure it out. Together, okay? And we'll get out of here together." I leaned over and rested a hand on his shoulder. He smiled a bit._

_"Okay, man. I believe you."_

It's been two years, and we're still here. But we're getting closer to escape. We can both feel it.

Jay quickly became my best friend and we're still close as fuck today. Obviously, not much could tear us apart. If I got out of here without him, I'd lose my shit. He's coming with me, no matter what. He was all I had anymore.

I stood up, and got off of my bed with a quiet sigh, frowning a bit as I felt a pain in my side. I lifted my shirt to see my skin blackened and graying. "Fuckin' bullshit. I better bounce back from this one soon," I muttered. A few days ago, they injected some weird shit into my side. It was another experiment, of course, cause that's all we were here for. 

We were human lab rats. And they didn't care about us. 

There were about a quarter of us left from when I first entered this building two years ago. We were dying. And they didn't care.

I walked into the small bathroom that was attached to the end of my room, and rested my hands on the sink. I never really liked myself, but this fucked up building made me hate myself even more. About six months in, they all dropped the 'nice guy' act and started treating me like shit. 

Monster.

That's all I was, and that's all that I'd ever be.

I lifted my head and stared at my reflection. I didn't see me. Instead, I saw a broken boy, who just wanted to go home.

My freckles were still here. I smiled a bit as I observed them. John loved my freckles. If I saw him again, and he didn't recognize me, he'd recognize my freckles. I knew that.

My eyes were still as they had always been, although they were far sadder and emptier. My blue eye, and my red eye. Purple.

Such a dumb fucking name.

My smile was still crooked and extremely stupid, although Jay had said he liked my smile. John did too. John  _loved_  my smile.

John loved me.

I ran my fingers through my hair and bit back tears. My hair was so fucked up. It wasn't even brown anymore.

It was fucking  _white._

I looked like a shitty, anime character. One experiment had turned my hair white, and it never recuperated from that. I looked so stupid. I fucking hated myself. 

I leaned over and turned the faucet on, then splashed some water in my face. I turned it off and grabbed a towel, then patted my face dry. I turned around and left the bathroom, then picked up a tennis ball off of the floor. I paced around, lightly bouncing it. 

Y'know, I've been here for years, and still can't figure a lot of things out. Like how all these whitecoats have fuckin' magic powers? Or at least, that's what it fucking looks like. They snap their fingers, and the lights go out. They flick their wrist, and TV's turn off. They whistle, and all the doors shut. 

Recently, Jay and I have been doing as much research as we could with the limited materials we have, to try and figure things out. A joke we had, about obtaining magical powers and defeating these fuckers at their own game, also ended up turning into reality. 

Jay and I had gotten so close, that the whitecoats allowed us to visit each other in our rooms. They thought it would make us trust them even more, and while we didn't, it definitely made our lives easier.

One night, Jay and I were fucking around in my room, and things got a little too serious for either of our liking.

_"Could you imagine though? I just fucking go Super Saiyan on their asses!?" Jay cackled as he fell over onto the side of my bed, and I couldn't help but laugh._

_"Kame.. hame.. HA, FUCKERS!" I replied, which caused the both of us to laugh even harder. I clutched my stomach, trying to calm down, and laughed as Jay laughed even harder for no apparent reason. "Jay, stop fucking laughing, you twat!"_

_We soon calmed down and sat in comfortable silence. Soon Jay turned to me, a serious look on his face. "But like, really, do you think it'd be possible..? I mean yeah, it's really funny, but if they can do it.. why can't we?"_

_"Jay, we don't even know how they're doing it, though." I replied, blinking a bit. Jay started snapping his fingers, over and over again, with a smile on his face, and I laughed._

_"It's not working. Huh." He laughed, then let out a sigh and stared at the ceiling. "Okay okay, but for like, two minutes, can we just try? Like, can we actually try? Nothing's going to happen, obviously, but it'd just make me feel better knowing for sure that we don't have magic powers too." He glanced at me with a hopeful look on his face, and I rolled my eyes before nodding._

_"Alright, fine, but nothing's going to happen." I chuckled, and he nodded in response._

_"I know, but.. whatever. Okay, so like, do we take turns?" Jay rubbed at the back of his neck. I shrugged,_

_"Uh, sure, I guess. You can go first." I shifted a bit and sat down on the floor, crossing my knees. Jay shifted and rested his back against my bed, then shut his eyes. He looked focused, and I smiled a bit._

_After a few moments, Jay lifted his hand, and then opened his eyes. He snapped his fingers, and nothing happened._

_Then the lights went out._

_I felt my eyes widen and his jaw dropped, then we met eyes._

_"JASON WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DID YOU JUST FUCKING DO!?"_

_"HOLY SHIT LUKAS IT FUCKING WORKED WHAT THE FUCK!?"_

_Neither of us could believe it, and I quickly stood up and flicked the lights back on, ignoring the excited, but nervous feeling that was growing in my chest. I turned around, and glanced at him, and he was staring at his hands like they were fucking wands._

_"Lukas.. tell me that just worked." Jay soon mumbled, and I felt a smile form._

_"It fucking worked." I said, then started laughing a bit. I leaned against the wall, then sat down and rested my head against it. "It worked, Jay!"_

_Jay soon chuckled, which turned into a laugh, and we laughed together for a while. Soon enough, we calmed down, and just stared at his hands. "I can't believe that worked," He whispered, and I shook my head._

_"Neither can I," I said, "But we've gotta use that. You can- you can do something, Jay. We can use that to escape. I don't know how yet, but.. we're closer now than we've ever been." I smiled. "We can leave."_

_"What about you, though? You didn't even try," Jay soon murmured, and I glanced at him with furrowed eyebrows._

_"Are you serious? I can't do anything, Jay," I chuckled. "I can barely tie my shoes anymore, I'm so out of it. Shit, now that I think about it.. you can't take me with you. It's too risky, and I'll only drag you down, but you can escape. I'll help you figure out your escape plan, and everything." I smiled. Sure, it'd hurt like a son of a bitch, having to stay here.. but at least I'd know Jay was fine._

_"You're actually a fucking moron if you think I'm leaving without you," Jay retorted, and I glanced at him._

_"But I-"  
_

_"No buts, you son of a bitch, we're leaving together. That was what you promised when we first met, and you don't break a promise. Cause we're leaving, and then we're finding John, you turd." Jay crossed his arms over his chest as he looked at me. Jay knew all about John, and all about my old friends, because I told him about them. About my past._

_"Fine, whatever." I huffed, ignoring the obvious smile on my face. I really loved this fucker. Not like romantically, I was still in love with John. I'd always be in love with him. But Jay was like the brother I never had. He reminded me of Tyler, and Scotty, and it hurt when I remembered them, cause I missed the both of them. He reminded me way too much of Craig, though, and I realized that they'd become really good friends if the two of them ever met._

_"Anyways, as I was saying, you haven't tried it yet. So try it." Jay murmured, staring at me._

_"Why though? It's obvious I can't do anything-"_

_"Lukas, for fuck's sake, don't be such a pussy. You see that tennis ball?" Jay pointed at a tennis ball across the room, and I nodded. "Try and move it."_

_"What!? That's even harder than what you did, though!" I shouted, glancing at him. He shrugged._

_"Who cares? If you can't do it, then you can't do it. If you can, then fuckin' awesome!" He cheered._

_"You.. fuckin'.. bitch," I huffed, then glanced at the tennis ball. "Well, I hope you know that nothing's going to happen."  
_

_"You don't know that, but whatever. Anyways, take your time." Jay murmured, and I sighed, then shut my eyes. Why was I doing this? Oh yeah, cause Jay's a fuckhead._

_I tried to calm my breathing, and took a few deep breaths. I took comfort in the blackness that was in front of me, due to my eyes being closed, and felt myself calming down. I felt a heavy presence pushing against my chest, and I furrowed my eyebrows a bit, then opened my eyes. It didn't hurt, and it didn't bother me. It was just.. there._

_My eyes focused on the tennis ball and I lifted my hand, doing my best to ignore how stupid I felt. I pushed that feeling to the back and felt my fingers move, almost on their own accord. They moved inwards, and I slowly lifted my hand up. It felt like my hand was being pushed down, and I paused for a second, then brought it up with more force. The ball lifted._

_I felt a queasy feeling in my stomach, and I flicked my hand to the right, with the intention of the ball to move in Jay's direction. It did, and he caught it with wide eyes. I dropped my hand and stared at him._

_"What.. the fuck..?" I spoke, my voice quiet. Jay shrugged,_

_"I don't fuckin' know, man, but.. I think we just figured out how we're getting out of here." He smiled, and I couldn't help but smile, too._

I bounced the ball, then tossed it against the wall and watched as it ricocheted off. It landed on the floor, and then it bounced back up, and I caught it. I did that again, and again, and again, lightly entertaining myself as I allowed my thoughts to roam.

Since that day, we tried figuring out what caused it, and we still haven't figured it out. We thought it was the experiments, so we tried getting some other patients to do shit. Whenever anyone agreed, they couldn't manage to do anything. We thought it was the building, but that didn't make sense, because the patients still couldn't do it. 

We had no fuckin' idea what it was.

A quiet knock on the door tore me away from my thoughts, and I glanced at it. It soon opened, and Jay poked his head in. "Can I come in, loser?"

"Yeah," I nodded, then went back to playing with the ball. "What's up, dummy?" I asked.

"Nothing. How are you? I know they fucked you up the other day." Jay asked as he shut the door, then walked over and sat on my bed. I turned around with a frown, and lifted my shirt slightly so he could look at it.

"I looked at it for like a second." I said, and frowned as his eyes widened.

"Holy shit, dude. Do you know what they put in you?" He asked, and I shook my head as I dropped my shirt and tossed him the ball.

"No idea, but it hurts like a motherfucker," I explained, catching the ball as he tossed it back to me. I threw it at him and he sighed. 

"Why don't we just run? Like, honestly. We just run, and find the door, and then run even more." Jay murmured as he threw the ball back at me. I frowned,

"Well first of all, I'm currently sick so we can't do that yet. But also, like, there's no way they're not going to be able to stop us." I raised my eyebrow as I caught the ball, then threw it up. I stepped back a bit and held my hand up, then watched as the ball stopped and floated in the air. Jay lifted his hand, and put two fingers up. I let go of the ball, and he quickly pulled his fingers toward his palm. I watched as the ball floated over to him. 

"Can't we just do that, then? Like, what we just did with the ball.. but to them?" Jay asked as he grabbed the ball out of the air with his other hand. I shrugged, and he tossed it to me again.

"I don't know. I don't want to hurt anyone. Well I mean.. that's a lie, I want to beat the shit out of all the whitecoats, but it's really risky, Jay." I said as I caught the ball and tossed it back to him. 

Jay grabbed the ball, then stood up and started pacing, bouncing it on the floor. I leaned against the wall and watched him. "I'm just so.. fuckin' restless, you know? I want to get out of here. Obviously we'll do it when you recover from that shit, but I hope that's quick, cause I think I'm going to lose my shit if I stay here any longer." He murmured. I nodded in agreement,

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Anyways, let's go and get some food, okay? I'm fuckin' hungry, and their best food is always given out at this time." I walked over to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, and he wrapped his arm around mine after tossing the tennis ball on the floor. We walked out of the door and down the white hallways. "Why couldn't they spice this place up a bit? Like, damb." I said, frowning.

"I don't know, they like to keep us as unhappy as possible, probably." Jay murmured, and I nodded in agreement as we turned the corner into the cafeteria. "Ugh, it smells like shit. Do they  _ever_ clean this fucking room?" 

"Probably not," I chuckled, and we walked over to the table where they had the food. It was all packaged and processed, but hey, it was still food. We were given trays and we put our food on them, then given bottles of water. We made our way over to a table and sat down at it. 

I poked at the 'ham' with a frown. "Uh.. do you want this?" I asked, glancing at Jay, who sat across from me. He nodded, and I stabbed it with my knife, then plopped it onto his tray. He happily started eating it. I took a sip of water and then started eating. 

After a while, I pulled away and leaned back with a sigh. "I feel like punching something," I complained, glancing at Jay. He quickly put his hands up, chuckling.

"I am  _not_ that something," He joked, and I laughed a bit. "But why?" He asked, biting into some more ham. I shrugged, tapping the fork against the tray. 

"I don't know. Just want to get everything out. All of my emotions. Bouncing a ball can only do so much, you know?" I said, then tapped the fork some more. 

"Lukas if you keep doing that I'm going to punch  _you,_ " Jay said as he stared at my fork. I laughed, then stopped.

"Sorry, nervous habit." I explained, sipping my water again. Jay shrugged.

"It's fine, you can keep doin' it, if it helps you." He murmured, offering a smile at me. I grinned,

"Thanks, bestestest friend," I said, then went back to tapping the fork. He threw me a purposely dumb grin, and I laughed.

"You're welcome, better-est friend," He said, then took a sip of water. "Food is so good, have you noticed that? Like, this food is fucking disgusting, but it's still.. good, you know what I mean?" 

I furrowed my eyebrows, then laughed a bit. "Yeah, I think so. Dude, I can't wait for when we finally get out of here, cause we're going to be able to get to eat real food again. Holy shit, I'm so fucking hyped for that." I grinned.

"Literally the only reason I want to leave. Like, the real world? Yeah, that's cool and all, but  _food,_ dude. All I care about. Just give me food and I'm content," Jay joked, and I nodded my head in agreement. 

"Like, you can run over my dog, piss in my shoe, and shave my hair off, but if you give me food afterwards, it's totally cool. Totally. It's fine, bro. All of it. I don't even care anymore, bro." I put on a slight fuckboy accent, and made Jay laugh. 

"Yeah, bro. It's fine, bro, like, you fucked me mum and fuckin.." Jay couldn't finish his sentence, because I started laughing my ass off. He had attempted to put on a fuckboy accent, but he sounded British instead, and it was fucking hilarious. He laughed at my laughter, and we sat there and laughed. 

"Hey, could you shut the fuck up, please?" A harsh voice spoke, and we both stopped, then glanced over at who spoke. It was a male whitecoat, and he looked pissed off. Jay sighed, and went back to eating. We're not supposed to talk back. But fuck it.

"Uh, why?" I asked, and I heard the room go quiet. Other patients who had entered the room to eat stopped their conversations as they heard me. I felt Jay kick my leg under the table, and I glanced at him, then shot him a wink. He shook his head in disappointment, and sighed. 

"I'm sorry, what did you just say to me?" The whitecoat spat as he walked over to me, then narrowed his eyes. I offered him a smile as I replied,

"I said, 'uh, why?'" 

"Are you new here, or something, dumbass? Cause you don't talk back to anyone, and especially not me. You don't fuck with me, bitch boy." He lifted two fingers, then jutted them into the middle of my forehead, roughly. 

"Ow, what the fuck, man?" I huffed, then rubbed at my forehead. He stared at me with an incredulous look, as if he couldn't believe I wasn't shutting up. "And no, I'm not new here. I just wanted to know why you wanted me and my friend to uh, 'shut the fuck up,' as you so nicely put it. We were laughing." I complained, frowning.

"Cause you're fucking annoying. Wait, let me see your eyes. Holy shit, you're Purple. Ugh, the nerve of you!" The guy stared into my eyes and then cackled. "Anyways, are you going to shut the fuck up, now?" 

"Uh, no, not until you apologize to me and my friend. Y'know, telling people to shut the fuck up is rude, and you obviously never learned manners." I smiled at him, and he stared at me. 

"You are one  _cocky_ son of a bitch, and I'm going to smack that smile the fuck off of your face." He hissed. In a matter of milliseconds, his hand met the side of my face as he smacked it. I paused, ignoring the pain and meeting eyes with Jay, who immediately shook his head at me.

"Don't fight back, Lukas, please!" He whispered, and I chuckled, then stood up. 

"Ouch." I glanced at the guy, who looked back at me with a smug grin. "That hurt. Learn to be polite, man." I spoke, then raised my fist and swung it at his face. It collided with his cheek and the man stumbled back, then held the side of his face. 

"You.. son of a.. bitch," He huffed, then quickly swung at me. I felt my heart racing as I dodged it. He swung his other fist and punched me in the shoulder, and I swore as I stumbled back. I quickly grabbed it with my other hand and then brought his arm down, twisting it the wrong way. 

"Ow! Motherfucking freak!" He brought his other arm down and punched me in the stomach, and I let go of his arm with a groan, falling to my knees. 

He chuckled, then lifted his leg and kicked me in the side, right where I had been injected. I bit down on my lip, hard enough to where I drew blood, to prevent myself from letting out a scream of pain. He grabbed me and lifted me up, then slammed me against a column in the middle of the room. I groaned as my head smacked against it, hard. Soon, he lifted his fist, and I stared at it as he spoke. "I don't do manners, bitch." 

Then his fist smashed into my nose, and he let go of me. I fell down, and laid there, too tired to pick myself up. He kicked my side again, and then walked away.

I smiled a bit as my thoughts roamed. Soon, I picked myself up, and leaned against the wall. I stared at the guy, and lifted my left hand. "Lukas, don't you  _fucking_ dare. Lukas, we're so fucked. Lukas, don't fucking do it!" I heard Jay yell at me, but I shook my head with a smile on my face.

With a flick of my wrist, the table that was to the left of the guy slid over to the right and blocked his path. The room grew eerily quiet, and I felt everyone's eyes on me. He slowly turned around and stared at me. "You.. How did you..?" 

I shrugged, smiling. "Magic." 

I lifted my right hand, and shakily stood up. My eyes scanned the room, and I noticed a knife on the counter. I tensed my hand up, then slowly raised it, and I watched as the knife made it's way over to me. I ignored the blood that started trickling down my head, and grabbed the knife out of the air. "Lukas, please, think about this." 

"Do it, you fucking monster." The guy spoke, and I glanced at him. "Do it. Kill me. Watch what happens." 

"That'd be too nice." I tossed the knife into the air, and then lifted my left hand, stopping it from falling. It hovered there, and I twisted my hand a bit to the right, adjusting the knife so it was pointed directly at the whitecoat. "I hope you suffer, bitch." 

I flicked my wrist and watched as the knife flew across the room, then landed in the center of the man's abdomen. He stumbled back, then collapsed. 

"Lukas, we have to go." Jay stood up and punched me in the shoulder, getting my attention. "We have to fucking go, NOW!"

I quickly glanced at him, then around the room. I realized that there were a shit ton of whitecoats who had witnessed everything that had happened, and more that were running in. "WE HAVE TO LEAVE, NOW!"

Jay grabbed my wrist and started running, and I ran with him. I heard lots of yelling behind us, but we fucking booked it. "JAY, WE DON'T KNOW WHERE WE'RE GOING!" I shouted, feeling my heart race. I heard blood rushing in my ears, and we quickly turned a corner. 

"FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT, MOTHERFUCKER!" He shouted in response, and we kept running. Soon, a whitecoat ran in front of us from another hallway, and we skidded to a stop. Jay lifted his hand and we watched as he flew against the wall and out of the way. 

"MY BAD, DUDE, BUT YOU WERE IN THE WAY!" Jay yelled as we ran past him, turning down that hallway. We flung a door open and then quickly ran out as we realized it was just an office room. 

"We have to find the fucking exit. Where's the fucking exit!?" I yelled, then started coughing. 

"No, Lukas, don't fucking start with that shit! I can't carry you this whole way! If you had just fucking listened to me, we wouldn't be running away right now!" Jay tugged on my wrist and we sped up our pace. I glared at him,

"That motherfucker had it coming, Jay!" I shouted, and we quickly stopped as whitecoats came running down a hallway in front of us. We backed up and quietly waited for them to pass. When they were all gone, we ran into the hallway, then turned left. 

"They were coming from this way so the exit's this way, right? Does that make sense!?" Jay shouted.

"I don't  _fucking_ know, you cuck!" I shouted back, and risked a glance behind us. "Holy shit, Jay we gotta GO!" There were tons of whitecoats on our asses.

We sped up, then made a right. We passed a bunch of doors, and then Jay realized there was a window in front of us. "Jay what are you doing? Jay? JAY? JAY!?" 

We ran the fuck through it.

The glass shattered instantly and my eyes widened as I realized how fucking dark it was outside. I glanced down and let out a scream as I saw how far away the ground was. It got closer, and as soon as I felt the earth, I rolled forward. I picked myself up afterwards and helped Jay get up off of the ground, and we ran together, heading into the forest. 

"Don't say anything yet, let's get as far away from here as we can first, okay?" I said, and Jay nodded. We kept running, even though we knew nobody was following us anymore. After probably five minutes of straight running, I collapsed and landed on my knees, then broke out into a cough. 

"Shit, Lukas, are you okay?" Jay dropped down next to me and I shook my head as I stared at my arm, which I had coughed into. Black blood coated it. "Fuck. Fuck! The second we find civilization, we're taking you to a doctor's, okay?" 

"It's fine, I'm fine, okay?" I spoke, my voice hoarse. I turned around, and looked behind us. Through the branches, I could see the lights of the building. I stared, and I felt a smile form on my lips. 

"We did it, Jay." I turned around and hugged him, and sniffled. My eyes watered, and I let the tears fall. "We did it. We fucking did it."

He hugged me back, and he, too, started crying. "We did it," he repeated, and we held each other, crying.

We really did it.

We were finally free.

After a while, we pulled away from each other and Jay helped me stand up. I stumbled a bit, and he wrapped his arm around my waist. "Lean on me, I'll make sure you don't fall." I did, and we started walking again.

"I want to see the stars," I murmured as we walked. He glanced at me and raised his eyebrows.

"The stars?" He asked, blinking a bit before he glanced in front of us again.

"Yeah. I looked at them a lot before I got captured, but I feel like I never appreciated them enough. I want to see them again. I'm excited to see them again." I explained, a small smile on my lips. Jay chuckled,

"Well, the second we get out of this forest, we can look at the stars. Okay?" He said. "But let's focus on getting out of here first. I.. I still can't believe.." 

"Do you think I killed that guy?" I suddenly asked, staring at the ground. 

"I don't know. I kind of hope you did," Jay said. "All of the whitecoats there are fucking monsters." 

"No, that's what  _I_ am," I replied, frowning. 

"Lukas.. you can't really believe that, can you? Do you actually think you're a monster?" He spoke softly as he talked to me. 

"Don't pity me, man. But yeah. That's all I am. That's all I'll ever be." I replied. Jay shook his head. 

"Well, you're not, okay? I don't think you're a monster. I  _know_ you're not a monster. Do you think John would call you a monster?" He sighed. 

"Probably not," I replied. "I miss him." 

As the adrenaline started to wear off, I felt the multiple cuts, bruises, and tears start to make themselves noticeable. I ignored the pain and kept walking.

"I know. Ow, fuck. Shit. Why did we jump through glass, again?" Jay asked, huffing. I laughed,

"Cause you got tired of running around," I replied, rolling my eyes. 

"Oh yeah. You right." He nodded his head. "God, I need a  _fat_ fuckin' vape, dude." He complained.

"We can figure out how to get one. Neither of us have any money, you know that, right?" I asked, glancing in front of us again. "Jay, wait, look! That's a road!" I grabbed his hand and started running. Jay groaned, but ran with me. 

I stopped in front of the guardrail that protected cars from veering off the road. I stared at the cement, and my eyes widened as a car drove past us. "Holy shit. Cars. I forgot those existed for a while," I said, and Jay slowly nodded besides me.

"This is weird, man." He shook his head. "How do we find.. a town..?" 

"Follow the road, probably. We'll find a sign eventually, and if it's the wrong way, then we go the other way." I said, then glanced up at the stars. I felt my breath hitch as I realized how many there were. It was dark outside, and there were no streetlights to be seen.. so I could see countless stars.

"Hey, Lukas, look! It's the Big Dipper," Jay nudged my arm and pointed towards a constellation in the sky. I followed where his finger pointed with my eyes, and then grinned as I saw it. 

"Holy shit.. they're so fucking beautiful, dude." I whispered, tearing up a bit. "They're so fascinating, too." 

We stood there for a while, just watching the stars, then Jay nudged me. "We should probably get moving," He said. "We're still really close to the.. place.. and that makes me uneasy."

"Okay," I nodded, staring at the stars for a little longer before tearing my eyes off of them and looking at Jay. "Let's get going."

 

•

 

We had walked for about half an hour when we finally reached civilization. I was the first to notice the big buildings in front of us. "Jay! We did it! Here's a town!"

"Lukas..." Jay spoke uneasily. 

"What's wrong?" I glanced at him, blinking.

"Why is nothing on?" He stared in front of us.

I glanced at the town again, and then slowly frowned. Nothing was on. All of the lights were out. There weren't even any streetlights on. 

We walked into the town, and Jay soon noticed a group of people talking. We walked over to them, and started talking. 

"Excuse me?" Jay asked, and they all looked at us. "Uh, sorry if we're interrupting, but could you tell us why nothing is on?" 

"The power went out about an hour and a half ago." One of the ladies replied, and I tensed a bit as I realized that was about how long we had been out for. "Entire city got hit. Turned on the radio about ten minutes ago and apparently it's stretching across the whole state." 

"Oh, damn." Jay shook his head, then spoke with a hopeful smile. "Uh, also, sorry if this is weird.. could you tell us where we are..?"

I zoned out a bit as Jay kept talking to the lady. He nudged my shoulder, and I glanced at him. "What?"

"We're still.. here. Like, home. We never left the city, Lukas." He whispered, and I slowly frowned. They kidnapped us.. and then kept us in a building.. on the outside of a huge ass city? That didn't seem smart, but whatever.

"Could you also tell us the time and date, please?" Jay asked, throwing them a look that said 'I'm sorry.'

"It's uh, three in the morning.. and it's April 20th..?" She replied. "You don't need the year, right?" 

"Uh.. we're not.. completely sure.. so a little reassurance would be nice..?" Jay chuckled. 

"2020." She murmured, furrowing her eyebrows. "Are you two high? Do y'all need a doctor? You both look like shit."

"Actually, a doctor would be-" I interrupted Jay before he could finish speaking. 

"No, we're fine, thank you." I smiled at her, then grabbed Jay's hand and walked away. When we were about a block down, I stopped and stared at him. "They did it."

"They did what?" Jay looked at me like I was crazy.

"The power outage? That hit the entire city at the same time as we escaped? Doesn't that seem a little weird to you?" I asked. He frowned, then slowly nodded.

"I.. yeah, okay, so they did it. But why?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, I might have just  _killed_ a guy, and two of their fucking experiments escaped. They don't want anyone knowing about that, or at least I don't think they do." I said, frowning.  

Jay sighed. "Alright, you've got a point. I'm fucking tired, dude." He complained, and I sat down against a wall. 

"Let's just rest here. You can have my hoodie, I can assure you I'm not getting any sleep tonight." I unzipped my hoodie, then laid it over Jay as he sat next to me. He rested his head on my shoulder and shut his eyes. "Get some sleep, fucker."

"Okay.. goodnight, Lukas."

"Goodnight, Jay."

I smiled a bit as Jay soon drifted off into sleep. I stared down at my hands, and in the darkness, I could barely make out my ring. I saw it, however, and smiled.

I'll find you soon, John. I promise.

I just hope you're still waiting.


	3. Chapter 3

**john**

 

We were all sitting around the table, researching as much as we could, but also just joking around. We had finished eating about six hours ago and it was currently around one-thirty in the morning. The rest of the guys had come over at around ten, so the living room was packed, but none of us minded it.

Anthony and Tyler were playing Mario Kart because Craig forced Tyler to take a break from the research.

"Here come's a blue shell for yo' ass, Tyler!" Anthony cackled and I lifted my eyes from off my screen to glance over at them. 

"What? Did you get that!?" Tyler shouted, obviously pissed off.

"No, someone behind us did! Oof it's coming fast!" Anthony laughed harder, then suddenly yelled. "NO! IT'S GOING TO HIT ME! FUCK!" The blue shell knocked into Anthony and then whizzed past him, leaving his character stunned. He stared at the screen in silent anger as a bunch of people drove past him.

"HAHA, bitch!" Tyler cackled and Anthony stood up and walked away. We all laughed and I turned back to my screen with a smile. 

"You find anything yet, John?" Delirious sat down next to me and I shrugged.

"Not much. Reading some articles on power outages, but nothing too unusual has come up yet." I explained, glancing over at him. "You?"

"I think I might have found some images of the place, but I'm really not sure, and it also still doesn't give away the location. But.. well I mean, we could probably figure it out on Google Maps, right?" He started looking for a page, going through all of his tabs. 

"How do you know it's the place, though?" I asked, shifting a bit so I could get a better look at his laptop. Del shrugged,

"I don't, but it's better than nothing, you know what I mean? And this place is massive, too." He murmured, then finally stuck on a page. "Here. I don't know if this is it, like I said, but take a look." He shifted his laptop a bit and I stared at the images.

They were of a massive building, that seemed oddly modern and sort of out-of-place, considering it's surroundings. A more zoomed out photo showed the building right next to a forest, and next to the forest was just a normal road. "When were these photos taken, do you know?" 

"Oh, shit, I have no idea. This entire page is just.. the images," Del scrolled up and down the page, proving what he said to be true. "Wait, what if we do search by image? We might get something, y'know?" He soon right-clicked on an image of the building and saved it, then opened a google search in another tab. He dragged the image into the search box and stared at the screen, a concentrated expression on his face.

He watched as a few more images loaded up of the building. "Wait, look at this one," I said, pointing at a more high-quality photo of it. "What the fuck? It says it was posted three days ago." 

Del hurriedly clicked on the image and then clicked on the website it was attached to. As we waited for the screen to load, it froze. The room suddenly went dark, and the TV shut off. 

"What the  _FUCK!?_ I was about to win!" Tyler angrily shouted and threw the remote. I groaned, 

"Did the fucking power just go out?" I moved my laptop off of my lap and slid my phone out of my pocket, then stood up. "Craig, where's the radio?"

"Already on it," Craig huffed, making his way to the kitchen and lighting his path with his phone flashlight. 

"Hey, guys, what if they're responsible for this one? Like, when does the power just go out randomly at one-thirty in the morning?" David piped up, and I walked to the corner of the room where we kept our stash of candles. 

"Daithi, it's probably just a normal power outage," Brian chuckled. 

"Hey, anyone have a lighter?" I asked as I pulled the candles out, then put them on the table. Lui stood up and flicked his lighter on, then started lighting the candles.

"Okay, good, now we can actually kind of see in here. I'm going to head outside and see if the rest of the street got hit, or if it was just the apartment. Anyone coming with me?" I asked as Craig walked back into the room.

Delirious, Scotty, Tyler, Brock, and Ryan stood up. "Hey, my phone's not getting any service," Lui suddenly murmured. "None of my texts to my mom are sending." 

"That's.. weird." Daithi murmured, and then pulled his phone out. Soon enough, we were all checking our phones, and none of us seemed to have service.

"So a cell tower went out, too," Anthony said, frowning. "Alright, well let's go outside."

"Craig, did you get the station?" Tyler glanced at Craig, who shook his head.

"No, give me a minute. I'm looking for the local news station, by the way." Craig murmured, and soon a voice came through the radio. He threw his arms up in success. "Fuck yeah!"

We all listened as a lady started talking.  _"If your power has suddenly gone out, don't worry, you're not alone. Apparently, half of the city got hit, and it's spreading further and further east."_

"East? That's-" Ryan spoke up, but we all shushed him.

_"No official statements have been handed out yet as to why the power has gone out, although there is slight talk that the rest of the state might be hit, too. All we can say is to make sure you're stocked up on water and food, because nobody seems to know when anything will come back on."_

"Well... shit," I said, frowning. 

"So we're all thinking the same thing, right?" Ryan spoke again. "That.. they did this?"

"It would make sense, considering it's stretching to the east, which means it started in the west." Scotty murmured, frowning. "But why? Why all of a sudden, you know?" 

"I don't know.. maybe it's just a test? To see what happens?" David suggested.

"It could be, but I don't know if that makes much sense," Craig glanced over at David and I paced around with a sigh.

"I'm going outside anyways, I need some fresh air. Gonna go and see if anyone else is out, and if so, then I'll see if anyone knows anything the radio doesn't. If anyone wants to come with me, y'all can." I opened the door and walked outside, running my fingers through my hair. I frowned as I felt a headache start to form.

When I glanced behind me, I realized Craig, Tyler, Scotty, Delirious and David had followed me. I looked over at Del as he rested his arm on my shoulder. "This is weird, guys." He murmured, frowning.

"You're not wrong there," Scotty sighed. "I think there's more to this than we know."

"But what? What are we missing? Who's behind all of this?" Tyler asked, staring at the floor in front of us.

"We'll figure this all out soon. Hopefully, at least," I spoke, my voice quiet. "God, how much fucking easier would it be if Lukas just showed up?"

"A lot easier. But that's not going to happen." Craig sighed. 

"I mean, we don't know that for sure, but it's unlikely." Delirious said. "We'll find him soon, though." We approached the stairs and started walking down them. We would have taken the elevator, but the power was out, so it didn't work, of course.

"Del, I think you were on to something with the building you found," I murmured. "But we still don't know where it is."

"What do you mean, John?" David asked, blinking.

"Del found a building that he thought might be the mass we saw on the video. He showed it to me and we were about to check out a website that posted a photo of the place a few days ago, but then everything cut out," I explained. "It might be a bit of a stretch, but it seems possible. It's separated from everything by a huge forest." 

"Well, we'll all have to check it out, whenever the power decides to come back on." Craig mumbled. We soon made it to the first floor and walked outside.

As I glanced around, I noticed there were a few people outside quietly talking. I pointed over to them as I grabbed my vape pen out of my pocket and held it up to my lips, then took a drag. Soon, I moved the pen away from my lips and slipped it into my pocket, but kept my mouth shut. I rested my head against the wall and shut my eyes, then let the vapor out, calming down a bit. 

I opened my eyes again when I heard a little patter coming from my left. I glanced over and my eyes widened when I noticed a little pupper running down the street. I ran into the middle of the street and threw a hand up, stopping a car from making it's way down the street. Then I walked over to the puppy and felt my breath hitch as I got a better look at it.

It was a small, brown husky pup, and it was fucking  _adorable._ It didn't have a collar, and I noticed that it was running with a slight limp. I bent down and reached my hand out. It sniffed it, hesitant, and I took the opportunity to pick it up. I held it close to my chest and then quickly ran out of the street and back onto the sidewalk. 

My friends stared at me like I was crazy as I approached them. "John, what the  _fuck_ was that!?" Craig shouted. I chuckled, then turned so they could see the puppy in my arms.

"Oh my god, that's a fucking puppy," Tyler spoke, which made Del laugh.

"No shit, Sherlock," He chuckled, and I smiled as I glanced down at the puppy. 

"I think it's hurt," I spoke, then sat down and shifted it a bit. It squirmed and I pet it, frowning. "No no, it's okay, come on puppo, I'm only tryin' to help you." 

"Hey, guys, Craig and I are going to see if we can get any more info. We'll be back in five," Delirious said, and then walked away with Craig. 

Tyler, David and Scotty sat down next to me, watching as I held the pup. "What's wrong with it?"

"It was limping, it's paw is probably hurt or something." I murmured, then lifted one of it's paws. The pupper whined and I turned it over, frowning as I saw a long gash running up it and stretching into it's leg. Blood matted the fur and I sighed. "Tyler, we've got gauze in the apartment, right?" 

I glanced at him, and he nodded. "Okay. I'm heading inside. This puppo needs help." I stood up, and they both stood up afterwards. 

"I'll come with you," Scotty said. 

"What about me? I want to be with the pup," David frowned. 

"Either both of you come with me or one of you come with me. I don't care, just hurry up," I said, looking down at the puppy again and lightly petting it.

Tyler shrugged, "The both of you can go with him, I don't care."

"Okay. Tyler, I'd just go over and help Craig and Del out." I glanced over at Tyler, and he nodded, then reached over and pet the puppy a bit. 

"Oof, such a cutie. You're gonna feel better soon, okay buddy?" He smiled at the pup, then walked off. Scotty, David and I walked inside, and Scotty turned his flashlight on.

"This place is so fucking creepy when everything's off." David murmured, and I nodded.

"Yeah." I shook my head, then glanced down at the pup. "I want to keep it." 

"Seriously?" Scotty chuckled. 

"Uh, duh." I glanced at him. "I still have to figure out what gender this pupper is. But I'll do that once it's paw is clean and wrapped up. Do any of y'all have dog food?"

"Why would we have dog food? None of us have dogs. Except for Tyler, but isn't Kino at his parent's house?" David said, glancing at me. We started walking up the stairs, and I nodded.

"Yeah." I murmured. "I think Kino was at the apartment for about a day before Tyler realized he'd probably destroy everything. Craig wanted him to stay and I did too but blah blah, it's what's best for Kino and shit. There might still be some food left in the apartment, though." 

"Well, here's to hoping," Scotty mumbled. We walked the rest of the way back to my apartment in comfortable silence, and when I opened the door, everyone looked over at us. 

"Why are you guys back so soon? Actually, where's the rest of you?" Evan asked, blinking. 

"We came up cause John found something. Del, Tyler and Craig are still outside talking to people," David spoke as we walked in. I shut the door behind us and then smiled down at the puppy who had fallen asleep in my arms.

"Someone wanna help me find the gauze?" Scotty asked, which earned us a lot of worried looks. "Not for any of us."

Marcel stood up and walked over to Scott, and they grabbed a candle and went off to go find the gauze. I sat down on the couch, a smile still on my face.

"Why is John so smiley?" Lui asked, chuckling a bit. "Forgive me for asking, but these circumstances don't seem too exciting."

"Maybe not, but... here, David, use your flashlight- but don't flash it in it's eyes, please." I glanced over at David, who grabbed his phone and turned his flashlight on. He moved his phone a bit so the light shone on my arms and the sleeping puppy that was in them. A collective gasp was heard.

"That's.. a fucking.. puppy!" Lui squealed, and I chuckled. The puppo stirred a bit, and soon blinked it's eyes open.

"Oh, hey buddy," I mumbled, smiling a bit. I took the opportunity to check what was down there, and quickly realized it was a boy. "Okay. Uh. It's a boy, guys." 

"John, what are you going to name him?" Evan asked. Marcel and Scotty soon came back into the room with the gauze. 

"Name him? We figured it out?" Scotty glanced over at me, and I nodded.

"Yeah, it's a boy. And, I don't know. What name fits this cutie?" I asked, petting him. He soon shifted and sat up, sitting on my lap and nuzzling me. I laughed at him. "Holy shit, you're so fucking cute. Hey! Guys, he's got two different colored eyes." I quickly shared my observation as I looked closer at him. His left eye was a bright blue, and his right eye was a pretty brown.

"What if you named him.. oh god, I'm so bad with names." Ryan chuckled. Scotty walked over, and handed me the gauze. Marcel came over with a wet rag and sat down next to me. 

"Hold him, John, and I'll clean his paw." He murmured, and I nodded, moving him a bit. He whined, and I held his paw up so Marcel could get to it easily, then pet him and tried calming him down.

"What about like, uh.." Anthony thought a bit before he spoke. "I don't know. He needs a fitting name. It can't be too cute, cause he'll grow up into a big husky, but it can't be too badass either, y'know what I mean?" 

"His eyes sort of remind me of Lukas," Marcel murmured as he cleaned the pupper's paw. "Like, the same eye is blue, y'know? His left eye is blue, and so is Lukas' left eye." 

"Luka," I murmured suddenly, glancing down at the pup. "I want to name him Luka." 

"That suits him," Scotty murmured, smiling. 

"Definitely, bro." Evan nodded his agreement. 

"Luka, I like it." David smiled. "We're all going to spoil the shit out of him, I hope you know that, John." 

"I know. And I'm glad." I smiled, petting Luka. He glanced at me and then licked my hand, and I laughed a bit. "My little Luka." 

"Can I take a picture of him?" Ryan asked, standing up. 

"Yeah, just send it to me, please?" I asked, glancing at him.

Ryan nodded. "Of course, man." He then leaned over and took a photo of Luka, who whined a bit because of the flash. Marcel soon leaned over and grabbed the gauze, then started wrapping his paw.

"If we get Lukas back, he's going to swoon over Luka," I chuckled, smiling down at Luka. "Guys, I met this puppo ten minutes ago and have already made up my mind that if anyone hurts him I'm going to kill them and everyone they have ever loved." 

Everyone laughed as I joked around, and I glanced up as the door opened. Tyler, Craig and Del all walked into the room. "Puppy! I forgot about the puppy!" Craig squealed.

"You come up with a name yet?" Del asked, sitting next to me and glancing at Luka.

"Yeah, his name is Luka." I said, smiling.

"It suits him," Tyler said. 

"Alright, so I was going to ask you if there was any dog food left from when Kino came over, but then I remembered that was like two years ago at this point." I frowned, glancing at Tyler. "Do we have any chicken?" 

"There's some cold chicken in the fridge from the other night, it's all cut up and stuff but it's cooked." Craig said. 

"Okay good, cause this puppo needs to eat  _something._ Can someone go get it please?" I asked, and Ryan instantly stood up and made his way to the kitchen. Marcel soon pulled away, then smiled. 

"He's all good now," He murmured, petting the top of Luka's head before he pulled away. I shifted a bit, resting my back against the couch, and putting Luka on my chest. He stared at me for a bit, then rested his head on his paws and shut his eyes. I grinned and leaned down, pressing a little kiss to the top of his head.

"Ew, John, you just kissed a stray that came straight off of the streets," Daithi glanced at me and I rolled my eyes.

"Who fucking cares? He's the cutest puppy I've ever fucking seen, dude." I said, looking over at him. "You do have a point though, he's going to need a bath soon. Not tonight obviously, cause the power's out and shit, but later this week, whenever the power comes back on. I mean, it probably won't take that long though, right?" 

"Dude, we don't even know if the power's coming back on at all." Tyler said, frowning. 

"I mean, that's true, but how likely is it that it won't come back on?" Evan asked.

"It'd probably be on by morning in any other situation, but considering the people who caused it.. it honestly might not come back on." Lui sighed. 

Ryan soon came back into the room with a paper plate in his hands. He walked over to me, then handed me the plate. I took it, thanking him, and then picked up a piece of chicken off of it. 

"Luka, hey baby, I don't wanna wake you up, but you gotta eat, dude." I gently nudged Luka until he woke up with a big yawn. I chuckled, smiling, then put the piece of chicken in front of his mouth. He sniffed it a few times, then quickly ate it. 

"Okay, good, he's eating." Del said. "Well, in this shitshow that is our lives, at least we have a puppy now, guys!" 

I kept feeding Luka, who kept happily eating the chicken. I made sure he didn't eat too fast, and didn't give him too much, either. I glanced up as a bowl of water was placed on the table by Scotty. "Oh dang, thanks man." 

He nodded, then glanced at Luka. "Can I pet him?" 

"Go ahead, dude." I nodded, and Scotty happily reached over and started petting Luka, who excitedly wagged his tail. Scotty laughed a bit, and I smiled. 

He soon pulled away, and Luka glanced at me again. I gently picked him up, then set him on the table in front of the bowl of water. He lowered his head and sniffed the bowl a bit, then started lapping at the water.

I grabbed my phone and quickly took a picture of him, making sure I didn't have flash on. It was a low quality photo, but was still a good photo.

I smiled, and glanced down at my phone, then found myself going to my messages. I scrolled all the way down, until I found the name I was looking for.

**buttercup**

I tapped on the name, then scrolled up, loading more and more messages. I paused eventually, then started reading them.

**12/09/17**

**buttercup, 12:00 am: hey phoenix**

**buttercup, 12:00 am: i dunno if you're awake rn, (you probably are knowing you)**

**buttercup, 12:00 am: but i wanted to wish you a merry christmas. two weeks early.**

**buttercup, 12:00 am: i got you gifts, of course.**

**buttercup, 12:00 am: but i also just wanted to.. talk, i guess.**

**buttercup, 12:00 am: if you're not awake rn, then hopefully you wake up to these and smile.**

**buttercup, 12:01 am: so here we go.**

**buttercup, 12:01 am: merry two weeks till christmas, baby boy. this will be our second christmas together, but our first as a couple. uh, i just wanted to say thanks. y'know, this is the happy time of the year, and you're supposed to be grateful for everything and whatnot.. so thanks. thank you.**

**buttercup, 12:03 am: if i'm being honest i really don't know where i'm going with this. i'm typing and not backspacing anything, so if it turns out like shit i'm sorry, lmao. but i was just in my room, editing a video (cause i couldn't sleep) when i became overcome with a really sudden emotion of happiness? and i instantly thought of you. i want to thank you for everything you've done for me. every smile you've brought to my face. every laugh you've forced out of me. every kiss you've blessed me with. every happy tear you've brought to my eye. every compliment you've given me. thank you. i really.. i just. i can't get over that. i can't get over you. i'm so in love with you.**

**buttercup, 12:04 am: well my eyes are getting heavy so i should probably take the opportunity and head to bed. anyways, merry almost christmas, phoenix. i love you. so fucking much.**

I finished reading those day's messages, then scrolled all the way down and read the last messages he had ever sent to me. A day before he went missing.

**12/19/17**

**buttercup, 8:05 pm: i can't wait to see you tomorrow**

**buttercup, 8:05 pm: i'm really sorry i wasn't at school today but i just really wasn't feelin' good. i kept coughing and sneezing and felt sick all day**

**buttercup, 8:06 pm: but i feel better now. and tomorrow's friday, so we have the whole weekend to fuck around, baby boy.**

**buttercup, 8:06 pm: i miss you. i know i saw you last night, but.. still. i miss you.**

**phoenix, 8:07 pm: i miss you too, angel**

**buttercup, 8:07 pm: oh, hey. i didn't know you were on your phone**

**phoenix, 8:08 pm: i wasn't, but then i saw your name pop up on my screen**

**buttercup, 8:08 pm: oh. okay.**

**buttercup, 8:08 pm: i love you, john**

**buttercup, 8:08 pm: don't text back yet**

**buttercup, 8:08 pm: let me get all this out pls**

**buttercup, 8:09 pm: i love you. and i know we get into our fair share of fights over stupid shit, like where the remote went and what game to play and where to eat. but i still love you, and everything about you. i don't say that enough. or at least, i don't feel like i do. i remember how much it fucking sucked when i was alone. and i don't want you to feel that way. ever.**

**buttercup, 8:10 pm: if i ever leave this planet... please move on.**

**buttercup, 8:12 pm: please. for me. i can't bare to watch you suffer in unhappiness, john. i'd rather you forget about me than be unhappy. i'd rather you hate me than be unhappy. i'm not asking you to do any of those things, but if it guaranteed you endless happiness, i'd make it true in a heartbeat. you mean so fucking much to me, and all i want is for you to be happy. happy and healthy.**

**buttercup, 8:13 pm: idk where this is going. i got off track and forgot what i was going to say.**

**buttercup, 8:13 pm: i just.. please, john. for me. if i'm not here anymore, please remember me, but please move on.**

**buttercup, 8:13 pm: i love you.**

**phoenix, 8:14 pm: damn lukas, you sure do know how to make me cry.**

**phoenix, 8:15 pm: i will never forget about you, and i will always love you. okay?**

**buttercup, 8:16 pm: okay.**

**buttercup, 8:17 pm: anyways, i've gotta go, love. i'll talk to you in the morning, okay? i'll probably dream about your stupid face tonight. gn, i love you.**

**phoenix, 8:18 pm: goodnight, angel. i love you too.**

He went missing the very next day.

**12/20/18**

**phoenix, 7:04 pm: i've been staring at this photo of you for hours.**

**phoenix, 7:05 pm: you're looking at the camera and smiling, and it's a candid. i can tell because your dimples are out and your freckles are really noticeable. your eyes are bright and i remember taking that photo of you.**

**phoenix, 7:06 pm: "john, delete it!" you told me. "i will never delete this, you big doofus," i replied. "you look gorgeous."**

**phoenix, 7:06 pm: you really do. that photo captures your person perfectly.**

**phoenix, 7:06 pm: where'd you go, lukas?**

**phoenix, 7:07 pm: i miss you.**

**phoenix, 7:07 pm: i hope you're okay.**

**phoenix, 7:08 pm: i'm sending you these texts right now and i'm shaking. 'cause i don't know if you'll ever see this.**

**phoenix, 7:08 pm: i hope you do. i hope this is a fluke. i hope we're freaking out over nothing.**

**phoenix, 7:08 pm: cause i don't know if i can make it without you, lukas.**

**phoenix, 7:09 pm: i miss you.**

**phoenix, 7:09 pm: i really fucking miss you.**

**phoenix, 7:10 pm: goodnight, lukas. i hope you're okay, wherever you are.**

**phoenix, 7:10 pm: i love you.**

I put the phone down with a sigh and held my face in my hands. I really fucking missed him. 

At this point I didn't know if I'd ever see him again.

I just wanted to tell him I loved him one more time. I just wanted to kiss his lips one more time. I just wanted to hold his hand one more time.

I just wanted to fucking  _see_ him one more time.

A little nudge against my hands had me picking my head up, and I smiled through my teary eyes as Luka stared at me. "Hey, bub," I chuckled, picking him up. He licked my face and I held him close to my chest, smiling. 

Even if life was disgustingly shitty, and the future seemed hopeless, I had found something. I wasn't going to let Luka get away.

He was a light in the dark.

He was my hope.


	4. Chapter 4

**lukas**

 

I awoke to the quiet yawning of Jay besides me.

Blinking my eyes open, I glanced over at him. "Fuckin.. shit," I murmured. He glanced over at me and smiled.

"Morning, fucker," He said, then handed my hoodie back to me. "Here, put this back on." 

"It's.. hot outside, though," I complained, yawning and rubbing my eyes. "What fuckin' time is it?"

"Why would I know, Lukas?" Jay murmured, then stood up, stretching a bit. I shook my head and glanced around. It was bright and sunny, but there weren't many people out yet, which made me think it was probably pretty early. 

"I don't know," I replied, then grabbed my hoodie and stood up. I tied it around my waist and chuckled a bit as I glanced down. "This makes me feel like I'm in middle school again." I murmured, looking at my sleeves as they dangled off of my waist. 

Jay chuckled a bit and I glanced over at him. "So what's the game plan, Lukas?" 

"We've gotta find John and all of my friends and my parents. Jay, what about you? Like, what about your family?" I glanced at him with a slight frown.

"I don't know where they are. Like, I don't remember. One of the experiments wiped my memories of where they were." Jay sighed. 

"Well, when we find John.. I'm going to do everything to help you, okay? We all will. You need your family. They need you back too, I'm sure of it." I reached my hand over and squeezed his shoulder, and he smiled at me. 

"Thanks, man. But let's figure out where we are right now, okay?" Jay glanced around, looking at a street sign. "We're on the corner of Cullen and Irving. Does that ring any bells?" 

"Not really, no." I sighed. "We've gotta find a map or something."

"Okay, well you remember where your parents live, right?" Jay asked me, and I groaned, running my fingers through my hair.

"I mean, of course I do, but dude, I highly doubt they still live out here. They always talked about moving to Florida for retirement and considering they probably thought I died or something, it would make sense for them to finally leave everything behind." I rested my arm against the wall, then rested my forehead against my arm. Jay hummed, pacing a bit.

"What about John?" Jay asked. "You remember where he lives? Or maybe lived?"

"I think I remember his parent's address," I slowly nodded, moving my head and glancing over at him. "But what if they've moved out, too?" 

"We'll worry about that when we get to it, okay? Let's just figure out how to get there first. What's the address?" He glanced over at me. "I've got a pretty sharp memory aside from when they get stripped out of my head due to fucking psychopaths." 

I chuckled a bit before speaking. "It's 0420 North Jackson Avenue, I think." 

"Seriously? You're fucking with me. There's not really a 420 in there, is there?" Jay looked at me and laughed. I nodded,

"Seriously." 

"That's fuckin' legendary. Okay, so anyways, we have to figure out where that is in relation to where we are." Jay spoke.

"Okay, but how?" I asked, frowning. 

"We're gonna need a map.." Jay sighed. "You think we could find someone that'd pull it up on their phone?" 

"I hope so, cause I'm pretty sure not even tourist places sell maps anymore," I chuckled a bit. "Could you, uh, do the talking? I'm.. not good.. with people. Y'know, anxiety.. and shit." 

"Yeah, that's totally fine," Jay nodded. He slung an arm around my shoulders and I sighed. "Okay, so Operation Find John is a go! Mission one: locate his parent's house." Jay said, and I smiled, then laughed.

"You are such a fucking idiot, Jay," I rolled my eyes. "Hey, do you think the power's back on?" 

"Well, if we look around into the houses.. I don't see a single god damn light on." Jay slowly shook his head, and as I looked, I noticed he was right. The streetlights weren't on, but they shouldn't have been anyways, cause it was broad daylight. However, when I looked into the windows of houses, there weren't  _any_ lights on.

"That's.. concerning. Why wouldn't they start the power up again?" I asked, glancing back at Jay as we started walking. "Also, where are we going?"

"Just going to walk around the block in search of people. And I don't know, Lukas." He spoke with a frown. "It doesn't make sense. Unless they're trying to keep us from telling people..? 'Cause news spreads with the media, and if we can't get access to the media.."

"Then nobody finds anything out." I finished his sentence, blinking. "What the fuck is our life, dude?" 

He laughed. "No idea, Lukas. But hey, at least we're out of that place, right?" He soon stopped and glanced at me. "Shit, how's your side?" 

"Oh, shit. I don't.. feel anything right now, which has the potential to be both good or bad." I pulled my shirt up and glanced at my side. My already pale skin seemed to be even paler, but the area that I'd been injected in was literally black. It was spreading up and over. It was already almost at my bellybutton, and almost at my chest. 

"Fuck, Lukas, it's getting worse." Jay sighed. "Let me poke it. Tell me if it hurts, okay?" He moved his hand forward and I felt myself tense as he approached. Soon, he lightly nudged the wounded area with his finger and it send pain shooting throughout me.

"Fuck!" I quickly flinched and moved away. "Fuck! Fuck, holy shit, that hurt so bad, oh my god." I groaned, trying to catch my breath and recover. The pain started subsiding, but slowly.

"Dude, we've got to get you to a doctor." Jay shook his head at me. "We don't know what that's doing to you." 

"It's fine. I'll recover soon. I need to see John." I shook my head, straightening. "Please, Jay. Then I'll go to a hospital. If I need to." I murmured, then felt a tenseness in my chest. I soon coughed into my arm, and as I pulled away, I didn't have to look at it to know what covered it.

"You're fucking coughing up blood, Lukas! You're not getting any better. You're only getting worse, dude. There's never any guarantee that their experiments won't kill you," Jay put his hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eyes. The sincerity in his voice hurt and I couldn't look at him, so I glanced down at my arm. It was covered in blood that had come from my lungs.

"I don't care. Please, Jay. I'm so close to seeing him again. I just need to see him," I whispered, struggling to get the words out. 

"Lukas.." Jay sighed. "If we don't find him by tomorrow, you're going to a fucking doctor, whether your sorry ass likes it or not."

"We don't have money, Jay!" I suddenly found my voice growing louder and I glanced at him. "We don't have money, we're broken, we're lost, and we have fucking powers that can do a lot of damage, okay? What if they figure that out? What if we get taken back? What if we-" I couldn't finish as I started sobbing, and Jay quickly pulled me close to his chest. I weakly clutched at his shirt and shook as I cried.

"I got you, Lukas. It's alright. Let it out." He rubbed my back and I kept crying. Soon, I opened my eyes and pulled away as I started coughing again. It was harder than it was before, and it hurt my lungs and my throat. I couldn't catch my breath, and shook. 

I kept coughing, and Jay soon glanced at me. "Shit, Lukas, what the fuck?" 

I finally caught my breath and shut my mouth, the coughing fit finally over. I took deep breaths, a little tired, and stared at my arm.

"Why is.. why is it.." I couldn't get my words out, and I felt a headache forming. 

"Why is the blood.. purple..?" I asked, my eyes narrowing a bit. I stumbled, and soon fell over, groaning. "Fuck.. shit."

I saw Jay step over and he shook me. "Lukas? Lukas, get up, dude! Lukas!?" His words suddenly stopped meaning anything and his face became blurry. The edges of my vision went black and my eyes closed shut.

 

•

 

"Fuckin.. heavy.. mother.. fucker." 

That was what I heard as I slowly became aware of my surroundings again. I awoke with a pounding ache in my head, and I opened my eyes open to see that I was slung over someone's back. Glancing around, I realized we were still in the city, and were walking down a street. It seemed earlier in the day and people stared as we passed.

"Lukas, are you fucking awake yet?" I quickly realized it was Jay who was carrying me, and I opened my mouth to speak, but only coughed instead.

"Oh.. fuck, shit. Yeah, I'm awake," I groaned. "What fucking happened? All I remember is.. coughing," I sighed. Jay soon stopped and put me down. 

"Can you stand?" He asked, and I nodded. "Okay, now walk." 

I blinked, and then started walking. "What is this for?" I asked. "Why shouldn't I be able to-" I coughed, sighing, then finished my sentence. "-to walk?"

"'Cause when you were awake last, you fucking fainted after a nasty coughing fit." Jay sighed. I frowned,

"Oh.. that's not good. Ugh, fuck," I soon felt pain in my side, and I leaned against a wall. 

"What's wrong now?" Jay frowned, walking over to me. He looked at me with a concerned expression and I lifted my shirt up again to look at my wound.

"Purple," I muttered. 

"Fuck!" Was Jay's response.

The black color had spread to my belly button and was also at my chest. However, it started turning people as it neared my chest more and more, and I shook my head. "Not.. good," I murmured, chuckling a bit. "That's.. not good." 

"You're laughing. Holy shit, you are  _out_ of it," Jay shook his head at me, and I glanced at him with a smile.

"It's kind of funny, isn't it? We finally escape, and I'm over here dragging us down, like a piece.. of shit.." I soon leaned over and threw up. 

"FUCK!" Jay shouted and quickly turned, looking away. I coughed once I finished, groaning and walking away from the bile on the ground. 

"Fucking.. purple," I muttered, grabbing Jay's arm and dragging him away.

"It was purple? Your fucking vomit was purple!?" He asked as we walked.

"Yeah. I'm starting to hate that color," I sighed. 

"Lukas Reed, we're going to a hospital, right fucking now." Jay stopped walking and I let go of his arm, then glared at him.

"What are they going to fucking do, Jay!? They're going to run tests and see what's wrong with me, and they're not going to have a god damn idea, cause I was injected with a fucking disease by fucking psychopaths! And if they do finally fucking realize what's wrong with me, they're going to have literally no clue how to fix me! They'll call you in and be like, 'well Lukas here is doomed to die' and then they're going to give you the choice to kill me then and there or have me spend the rest of my days fucking suffering. That's what'll fucking happen, Jay, because that's how it works!" I shouted, causing a lot of people to turn and stare at us.

Jay stared back at me, quiet. I hadn't noticed, but tears had welled up in his eyes, and they were now flowing down his face. "Jay, I.." Instantly, regret clawed at me, and I reached over and hugged him. He hugged me back, then started crying. 

"I can't lose you, Lukas." He murmured, gripping onto me. I shook my head, hugging him close.

"You won't. You won't lose me, I promise. Okay? I'll.. I'll get help, if you really want me to, Jay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I yelled at you." I rubbed his back and he didn't say anything, so I kept talking. "I don't know why I yelled. I don't like yelling. I never have. But everything.. everything just seems so.. bad, Jay. I'm scared. I'm really fucking scared. I don't want to die."

Soon enough, the tears gathered in my own eyes, and I choked the rest of my words out as they made their way down my face. "I don't want to die." 

"I won't let you." He whispered, and we stayed like that for a few minutes. Holding each other and crying. We were all that we had. 

People avoided us as they walked past, and a couple of them shot glares in our direction. Soon, I pulled away, and glanced at him. He rubbed his eyes, and then sighed. 

"Alright, well.. on a lighter note.. we're a lot closer to the house now than we were before," Jay murmured. I tilted my head a bit as I wiped my face dry with my hands.

"What does that mean?" I asked, frowning. 

"It means I figured out how to get to the house. I found someone and they let me use their phone, and luckily they had a pen on them, so I drew the route on my hand." Jay shrugged, and then showed me his hand. I blinked as I saw nothing but lines.

"You can make out what that means?" I asked, chuckling. 

"Hey, fuck you! I haven't written anything in like three years, so forgive me." He chuckled, then started walking straight. "Come on, it's this way."

"When should we by there by?" I asked, shoving my hands in my pockets.

"Uh, around two, I think." Jay said.

"That doesn't help me at all. How many hours, Jay? I don't know what time it is right now." I murmured, glancing over at him.

"Good point. Uh, it was around eight when we left.. so five more hours? You've been passed out for a while. I carried you for an hour." He complained.

"Oh, god, how did you survive? I'm not that light," I murmured, blinking. He shrugged,

"I mean, yeah, you're pretty heavy." He chuckled, resulting in me punching his shoulder. He laughed harder at that.

"You're a fuckin' bitch, Jay."

"Aw, thanks Lukasshole." Jay muttered out the insult and I laughed so hard I had to stop walking.

"That's such a stupid fucking insult!" I laughed, my eyes tearing up a bit. Jay rolled his eyes and grabbed my arm,

"Come on, I don't want to spend ten hours trying to get to the house, you bitch."

" _Lukasshole!_ Fuck," I laughed as I walked. "Fucking shit, that's so funny." 

Soon, I calmed down, and we walked together just enjoying the nice weather. We talked and joked and unfortunately, we had to take a lot of five minute breaks because of my side. I also had trouble breathing and coughed a lot.

But we eventually made it. It took a while, and the sun was already starting to go down when we got there, but I recognized it immediately.

"It should be this street, right?" Jay asked. 

"That's it," I murmured, pointing to the building that I had spent so much time in.

"Well, let's go then." Jay murmured, and we walked over to it, then walked up the front steps. I frowned a bit when I noticed that John's pick-up truck wasn't in front of the house. 

"Jay, I don't think they're here any more," I murmured.

"Well, we can still ask if they have any idea where John might be, okay?" Jay threw a smile at me.

"And what if they are there?" I frowned. "They thought I was dead. Or at least missing. Which probably made them think I was dead."

"Dude, your hair is white. They won't recognize you at first." Jay murmured, and I nodded. 

"You've got a point, I guess." I sighed, and then reluctantly reached over and knocked on the door. As Jay and I waited in silence, I felt anxiety form in my chest. I gripped the railing, trying to steady myself.

"It's alright, Lukas. Just breathe, okay?" Jay glanced at me and I nodded, taking deep breaths. The door soon swung open and a concerned face poked out of it.

"Hello..? How can I help you young men?" She asked, and I sighed when I didn't recognize her face.

"Uh, hi!" Jay smiled at her, and I kept holding onto the railing. "We know of a family that used to live here, but weren't sure if they were here anymore." 

"If you're talking about the Kryoz family, then no, they lived out about six months ago. Their kid moved out like two years ago." She explained. 

"How do you know that?" I asked, blinking. "About.. their son, I mean." 

"I'm a family friend of the family. They sold me the house. Is there anything else you need, or can I go inside and figure out how to deal with his power outage now?" She seemed to be getting impatient.

"Uh, just one more- do you have any idea where their son might be?" Jay asked.

"He moved into an apartment complex with a bunch of his friends." She huffed. "Do you need the address, or something?"

"Yes! Please, that'd be greatly appreciated," He smiled.

She frowned, "Give me a minute." The door shut and we stood there, quietly waiting.

"We're hella close to finding them, Lukas." Jay glanced at me. "So close."

"I know, I know, I know I know I know." I spoke, my voice quivering a bit. "I'm excited. But really scared, too. What if.. what if they've all forgotten about me? What if John moved on? I mean, that's what I told him to do. I just want to make sure he's happy. And if he's happy with someone else, then so be it. But what if he hates me?"

Jay rested his hand on my shoulder and made eye contact with me before he spoke. "Lukas, you mean a shit ton to me. I'm sure you meant a shit ton to them, too. There's no way anyone could forget someone like you. They're going to be so fucking happy to see you again." 

"Okay. Okay, okay." I nodded, smiling a bit. Soon, the door opened again and the lady came out with a piece of paper. She handed it to Jay and frowned.

"Do you guys need anything else?" She asked, seeming a little more understanding than she had earlier.

"Can you tell us how to get there?" I asked. Jay sighed,

"No, you don't have to, it's fine. But could you show us a route? Like, on your phone? I can copy it down." Jay glanced at me before he glanced back at the lady again. She nodded, then pulled out her phone. We waited as she went to it, then she turned it around and showed it to Jay. 

"Lukas, let me use your back." He turned to me, and I blinked then turned around. I felt him put the paper on my back, and he started writing on it. After a minute or two, he pulled away from me and I turned back around.

"Okay, I think we're good. Thank you so much, ma'am, I really appreciate it." Jay glanced at the lady again and spoke with a smile. I smiled at her, too.

"Yeah, what he said." I mumbled, a bit awkwardly, and the lady nodded.

"You're welcome. Be careful out there, people have been acting strange now that the power's out." She spoke, then shut the door. We turned around and bounded down the stairs, then started walking away.

"Well shit. That was.. eventful," Jay chuckled.

"Yeah. It was really hard to look at that house." I murmured. "I have a lot of memories there," I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "I still can't believe my hair's white, dude. Do you know how weird that is?"

"No, I don't, but it looks fucking awesome, Lukas." He spoke. "Like, you look badass, dude." 

I smiled a bit. "You don't have to lie to me like that, but I appreciate it anyways."

Jay opened his mouth to say something, but probably thought better of it and shut his mouth. We walked in comfortable silence after that, for a while. It was actually pretty dark outside when Jay spoke again.

"Uh, would your friends like me?" He asked, seeming a little uncertain as he spoke. I glanced over at him, frowning. 

"Are you serious right now? Who wouldn't like you, Jay? You're an amazing person. But to answer your question, yes, of course they'd like you. I have a friend, uh, his name is Craig, and if he's still there.. you two will probably get along in no time," I said, smiling a bit. "Of course, I'm sure all the guys will be happy to meet you, but your sense of humor is pretty similar to Craig's, I mean."

"Ah, okay." Jay nodded. "I'm sorry. I'm just, uh, I'm scared too, if I'm honest."

"It's alright, man." I smiled, then frowned a bit. "Dude.. I'm so fucking hungry."

Jay laughed next to me. "Well, hopefully they have food there. I mean, I don't know why they wouldn't." He smiled. 

"Yeah."

"Your side okay?" He soon asked, stopping and glancing at me.

I shrugged. "I mean, it hurts.. and I'm still coughing.. but I don't know if it's gotten worse. I guess we can check at the place, right? 'Cause it's dark as fuck now, and we can't really look at it, y'know?" 

"All of your friends are going to be very confused, you know that, right?" Jay sighed. "We've got a lot of explaining to do." We started walking again.

"Wait, it's an apartment complex. How are we supposed to know which apartment John is in?" I asked, frowning. 

"Uh, I don't know. I guess we just have to go door to door until we find him. Or one of your friends," Jay spoke. "Cause the lady said he moved with his friends, right?" 

I nodded. "Yeah." I soon sighed, then groaned as my wound suddenly started hurting more. "Fucking.. piece of shit," I huffed. 

"Do you want to stop again?" He asked, looking over at me. I quickly shook my head. 

"No. I want to get to them as soon as possible," I murmured. Jay didn't look like he very much agreed with what I was saying, but he nodded anyways.

"Okay. But please, if it really is too much, can we stop for a bit?" He asked, and I nodded. 

"Yeah, sure." I spoke, then started coughing. "Fu-Fuck." 

"Lukas.." Jay seemed hesitant as he spoke. "Please, let's stop." 

"No." I insisted, even though I felt like my lungs were burning. It sort of felt like a potato peeler was peeling away at the inside of my lungs, and away at my throat. It burned and stung every time I coughed, and my eyes watered because of it. "No, not yet."

I sped up my pace, then started stumbling a bit. Jay caught my arm and we slowed down, and soon pain shot through my spine, and I fell over. "Fuck!" 

I scrambled back up again, then coughed more. I felt arms wrap around my waist, and soon I was being slung over Jay's shoulder. "I'm sick of this shit, Lukas, and you said you're not getting help till we get to John. So let's get to John." 

He quickly started running and I groaned and shut my eyes. "Jay, I might throw up on you." I warned, coughing. 

" _Please_ don't," He responded. I chuckled a bit. 

"Ow, fuck! Fuck, fuck, my side, hold on, Jay stop!" I hissed as I felt a sudden pain directly on my wound. Jay stopped and put me down, and I lifted my shirt and gently touched my wound. I hissed, and tore my hand away, then glanced at my hand. Even in the darkness, I noticed the slight color difference on my hand. 

"It's.. bleeding," I murmured, then glanced at Jay.

"I can't carry you then, I'll only make it worse." Jay shook his head, and rested his hands on the top of his head. He stared at the ground. "Can you run?" 

"I can.. I can try," I coughed a bit. "But I can't guarantee I'll make it far." 

"I'll carry you the rest of the way, then, I guess," Jay sighed, then grabbed my hand. "Let's go."

And we did. We took off running, and I instantly started coughing. The pain that shot through me sent tears to my eyes, but I ignored it and kept running. 

"That's it! That's the building, Lukas!" Jay shouted, and he sped up a bit. I quickly increased my pace, and we ran to the building, then threw the doors open. I stopped in the middle of the hall, trying to catch my breath.

"Fuck, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, Jay it hurts really fucking bad," I complained, then slammed my hand against the wall. "Fuck!"

"We're almost here, Lukas. He's in this building, we can do this, okay? We'll find them." Jay rubbed my back, and I nodded. 

"Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay." I soon straightened, and we walked down the hallway, then glanced at the first door. Jay knocked on it, and an unfamiliar man opened it. 

"Who are you?" He asked, and Jay chuckled. 

"Uh, just a guy lookin' for his friends. Would you happen to know what floor John Kryoz or any of his friend's apartments are located on?" Jay asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. 

The guy shrugged. "Who are you talking about? Wait, do you mean those YouTube kids?" He asked, and I quickly nodded.

"Yes! Where are they?" I asked, and he shot me a weird look.

"They're on the third and fourth floors. Now leave me alone." He shut the door, and I groaned.

"Stairs!? Fuck!" I complained, shaking a bit. "I don't know if I can do this, Jay." 

"Lukas, for fuck's sake, you did  _not_ make me carry you for an hour, and we did  _not_ walk for five hours after that just for you to stop because you can't make it up some fucking stairs, okay?" Jay's voice was stern, but compassionate.

"Okay," I whispered, and he grabbed my wrist, pulling me away. We walked over to the stairs, and then started making our way up them. It took a while, longer than it should have, because I kept losing my footing and falling over. It was hard to concentrate when you couldn't stop shaking, you had a pounding headache, you could barely breathe, and you were bleeding out of a wound in your side.

We soon reached the third floor and Jay knocked on the first door we saw. Nobody opened it.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Jay groaned and walked away, heading to the next door, but I fell over. I tried getting up, and then realized I couldn't.

"Jay, I can't.. I can't.. I can't move," I spoke, and started shaking even more. "It's too.. it's too hard, Jay!" 

He quickly turned around and at the same time, the door opened. I glanced up, and felt my breath hitch as my eyes met familiar brown ones. He stared at me for a few moments, a frown on his face. "Uh.. can I help you?" He asked. 

I stared at him, quiet. 

"Dude, you look  _fucked_ up, and I can barely even see you. Are you alright, man?" He asked another question, and I shook my head.

"Evan.. Fong?" I breathed, my voice shaking. He stared at me for a little bit, frowning.

"Do I know you?" He asked. "Well, I can barely see you. Uh. I'm sorry if this is awkward. Let me grab my flashlight. I'll be right back." The door quietly shut.

Jay approached me and stood behind me, frowning. "Is he.. one of your friends?"

"That's.. that's Evan." I felt tears well up in my eyes. I couldn't believe I was finally seeing one of my friends again. After two fucking years. "He's.. I.." 

I didn't get much more out before the door opened again, but this time Evan was with someone.

"Delirious?" My eyes widened a bit, and he glanced at me. 

"Hey, whoah, only friends can call me that, dude." Del furrowed his eyebrows, and Evan shone the flashlight on me. The light shone directly in my eyes, and I squinted a bit. 

"Holy shit." The flashlight suddenly fell out of Evan's hands, and Delirious stared at me with widened eyes.

"Lukas?" Evan spoke my name, and I slowly nodded. He quickly leaned over and helped me stand up, and I stumbled into his arms as he hugged me. 

"Lukas, holy shit. You're okay. You're alive, and you're okay." He whispered, rubbing my back. "Oh my god." 

I clutched onto the back of his shirt, and soon heard Jay speak. "I really don't want to break this up, but Lukas isn't okay."

Evan pulled away from me and glanced at him. "Who are you?" He asked. He didn't seem offended, or anything, but just.. genuinely curious.

"That's.. that's Jay," I mumbled, as Delirious wrapped his arms around me and hugged me, too. I hugged him back, smiling a bit. "He's my friend. Ow, Del.. could you move your arm?" I bit my lip to ignore the pain that flowed through me as his arm nudged against my wound. He quickly pulled his arm away.

"Where were you?" He asked, and I chuckled. 

Another voice soon interrupted us. "Evan, Delirious, what the  _fuck_ is happening?Who's here!? Luka just pissed on a carpet and Tyler's pissed off and John's laughing his ass off over it instead of doing anything about it." 

I quickly pulled away from Delirious as I heard John's name. I glanced over at who spoke, then felt my eyes water again as I realized it was Scotty. "Scotty..?" I whispered. He glanced at me, and said nothing. He just stared, and then suddenly reached over and hugged me. I hugged him back. I heard quiet talking behind me, and I realized Jay must be talking to Evan.

"Scotty, I missed you so fucking much, man." I whispered, clutching on to the back of his shirt and crying into his shoulder. "So fucking much."

"I missed you too." He said, shaking a bit. "I can't believe it. I can't believe you're here." 

"Who's here?" 

A familiar voice reached my ears. Brian? I felt Scotty pull away from me. I glanced up, and quickly realized everyone was here. All of my friends. Everyone I hadn't seen in years. 

They all stared at me in quiet confusion. The room was dark, so they probably hadn't realized who I was yet. There was silence, and then quiet pattering on the floor. I glanced down, and my eyes landed on a puppy. It ran over to me and jumped around at my feet. I chuckled a bit.

"Luka! For fuck's sake, why are you such a hyper shit!?" Another voice spoke, and the person it belonged to walk into the room. He came closer, and picked the dog- Luka- up, not glancing at me yet. "I'm sorry, he gets excited easily, uh..." He pet the dog, then let him down again. He stood up, and trailed off as his eyes met mine.

His sky blue eyes.

I watched tears suddenly gather in them, and they trailed down his face as he stared at me. I blinked, and realized I had gathered more tears of my own.

"Buttercup?" He whispered, and I fell into his arms, right where I belonged. 

"It's me, Phoenix." I murmured, and I felt him wrap his arms around me. Instantly, I felt safe. I felt warm. I felt loved. I wrapped my arms around him and shook, crying. He cried into me, and we held each other, crying. 

I've waited for this moment for over two years. Two  _fucking_ years. To see the love of my life again. To fall into his arms again. To hold him again. To feel him again.

I pulled my head away from him and glanced at him. Tears soaked his pretty face, and I leaned up and brushed them away. "You kept your promise, John." I whispered, gently rubbing his cheek with my thumb. He soon leaned in, and kissed me.

I kissed him back, tangling my hands in his hair. I tried telling him everything, with this simple connection of our lips. Telling him that I loved him so fucking much. That I missed him so fucking badly. That I was finally complete again.

I soon pulled away. "I love you," I murmured, and he intertwined our fingers. 

"I love you too." 

I stayed like that for a few moments, before I pulled away, coughing into my arm. Jay walked over to me. "Can he sit down somewhere? Please!?" 

Evan walked over and him and Jay helped me find a seat. John watched us with a very clearly concerned expression. "What happened? Is he okay?" He asked, glancing at Jay. 

Jay shook his head. "John, your boyfriend is the opposite of okay right now." He said, and John quickly sat down next to me.

"Lukas, what's wrong?" He asked, and I grimaced as I shook. 

"I'm uh, just a little fu-fucked up right now." I groaned. "Can someone get me a bucket so I don't throw up on the floor?" 

I saw someone quickly run into another room and I hissed in pain. "John, could you take my shirt off?" I asked, and John stared at me.

"I mean okay but why?" He leaned over and grabbed the hem of my shirt, then slowly lifted it up. I bit my lip to stop myself from complaining about the pain. He soon pulled it all the way off and I glanced down. Jay shone a flashlight on my stomach and I sighed. 

"Fuck." 

While most of my stomach and chest was still black, the side of my abdomen where I had originally been shot with the virus was covered in blood. It appeared that the wound had spread out further and, well, deeper. My skin wasn't even visible because of all the red that covered it.

"That's why," Jay said. "Lukas, it's only getting worse!"

"Everything gets worse before it gets better, Jay!" I groaned, and then quickly sat up as I felt nauseous. All of my friends quietly stared at me, and John looked horrified. 

"Lukas, what the  _fuck_ is wrong with you!?" Marcel shouted, and I shrugged. A bucket was soon placed in front of me, and I tilted my head over it, then threw up into it. When I finished, I glanced into it briefly, and frowned as I saw nothing but purple and red.

I sat down again and groaned. 

"Okay, so to make a long story short, these crazy motherfuckers in this building do experiments on us, and most of them turn out like this, but we don't know how to cure it and this could very possibly kill Lukas!" Jay shouted. "We managed to escape last night, which-"

"That's why the power went out!" I heard an Irish voice shout, and quickly realized it belonged to Daithi. "I fucking  _told_ you guys!"

"Daithi, now isn't the time for 'I-told-you-so's!" Tyler shouted. "How do we help him!?" He glanced over at Jay.

"I don't fucking know, which is the problem!" Jay said. 

I groaned. "Everyone just shut the fuck  _up,_  please! My head hurts like a son of a bitch and you guys fucking shouting doesn't help jack shit!"

"Two years and he hasn't changed at all," Brock murmured, which eased a bit of the tension in the room. 

John reached over and started running his fingers through my hair, calming me down. I felt my heartbeat slow down and I took deeper breaths. "I mean, his hair is white now," John mumbled. "He's still gorgeous, though."

I felt a small smile form on my lips, and I glanced over at John.

"I wish we could have seen each other again a bit differently," I chuckled.

"Any circumstance is better than none," He whispered, then leaned over and kissed my head.

As the rest of the group talked, I felt my eyes growing heavy. As much as I tried to resist them, they soon shut, and I drifted off into sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**john**

 

The next morning after finding Luka, I woke up to a rough tongue licking all over my face. Tiredly, I blinked my eyes open, and smiled when I saw Luka's pretty eyes. He seemed to grow even more excited as he realized I was awake, and he nuzzled me. I chuckled, and started petting him.

"JOHN! ARE YOU AWAKE YET!?" I heard Craig's loud voice and I sighed, before shouting a reply back to him.

"YEAH!"

"Okay, well come on out CAUSE FOOD!" He shouted, and Luka jumped off of me, one of his paws landing straight on my belly. I groaned and huffed,

"Oof, right in my fucking gut, dog." I sighed, then stood up and grabbed my phone off of my dresser, walking to my door. I opened it up and Luka bounced out of the room, then ran down the hallway. I chuckled and walked calmly, taking my time as I made my way to the stairs. I walked down them, then into the kitchen. Tyler and Craig were already at the table, eating whatever the fuck that was.

"Where's food?" I asked, shoving my hands into my pockets. Craig pointed to a plate of shit that was on the stove.

"It's not warm, but it's still good." Craig shrugged.

"Pasta. For breakfast. Christ, we're fucking wrecks." I sighed as I realized what it was. I grabbed a plate and piled some of the pasta onto it, then walked over and retrieved a fork. I plopped my plate onto the table, then turned and glanced at the fridge. "Is some of the crap in it still cold or has it gotten completely warm?" 

"It's still mostly cold." Tyler murmured, and I nodded, then opened the fridge and grabbed a container of apple juice. 

"You are such a child, John." Craig chuckled a bit as he realized what I was going to drink, and I threw a glare at him.

"Excuse me bitch, it's apple juice." I scoffed, grabbing a cup and pouring it in. "Also, yes,  _I'm_ the child, Mr. My-Name-Is-A-Dick-Joke."

"It is  _not_ a dick joke, you fucking turd!" Craig defended himself and Tyler laughed. I put the cup on the table, before turning and putting the juice back in the fridge. As Luka ran around my feet, I pulled out some sliced watermelon that was stored in a container and hummed. 

"This is the good shit," I spoke, before shutting the fridge and putting the container on the table. I opened it up and grabbed a little piece, then held it in my hand near Luka. I smiled as he quickly grabbed it in his mouth and stared eating it.

"Babe, your name is literally  _Mini Ladd._ Miniature lad. Miniature dick." Tyler cackled and I chuckled a bit myself, sitting up and taking a bite of the pasta. It was good, although weird, 'cause it was normally supposed to be eaten warm. It was still pasta, though, so I wasn't complaining. I leaned over and picked up a few pieces of watermelon, popping a few in my mouth before giving Luka another tiny piece. We didn't have dog food, so he'd have to eat real food for now. Of course, we weren't giving him anything that would hurt him.

"It's just cause of-" Craig started to complain, but I cut him off.

"Craig, we all know the reason why your fucking name is Mini Ladd. We've heard it a thousand times before." I groaned, not wanting to hear his story again. 

With a defeated sigh, Craig shook his head and just shoved more food in his mouth. 

 

•

 

The rest of the day passed rather slowly. The guys came over and we all just fucked around, 'cause we couldn't do much else. Currently, we were just sitting around, and I was staring at Luka. 

"Ryan, when you took Luka out- cause you fucking  _made_ me let you take him- did he actually piss or anything?" I asked, and Ryan glanced over at me.

"Uh, I think so, why?" He asked, then looked over at Luka. Soon, a knock on the door was heard and we all glanced at it.

"Who the fuck could that be?" Tyler asked, frowning a bit. 

"I don't know. It's your apartment, Tyler, go answer it." Del murmured. "Or Craig. Or John." 

"I don't feel like it," I murmured, leaning back and resting my head against the couch. I never took my eyes off of Luka. 

Craig and Tyler both agreed with me, and with a loud, drawn out sigh, Evan stood up. "Alright, I'll go answer the fucking door." He walked over to it and opened it, and we all stopped paying attention to him.

"John, why are you staring at your dog like that? It's fucking weird, dude." David murmured, and I narrowed my eyes. 

"He's about to do something. My motherly instincts are warning me of it," I spoke, sitting up a bit.

"Hey! I'm the mother in this group!" Brock shouted, and I shushed him. Soon, Luka lifted his leg, and pissed all over the carpet. I immediately started cackling, and Tyler let out a loud ass groan.

"JOHN YOUR DOG IS FUCKING STUPID!" He yelled, and I laughed even harder as Luka bounded over to me.

"That's a- that's a good boy!" I laughed, petting him. 

"John, you're only encouraging his behavior," Brian warned, and I shook my head.

"I don't care! That was fucking hilarious!" I laughed. 

"John, you're cleaning it up!" Tyler crossed his arms over his chest. Craig rolled his eyes,

"You two are so fucking immature." He huffed, then stood up and walked into the kitchen, obviously looking for something to clean up the mess Luka made. 

"We had that discussion this morning, Craig!" I laughed as I replied to him, and glanced over at Scotty as he stood up.

"I'm going to go tell Evan what happened. 'Cause I feel like he's the most responsible one of us." He murmured, then walked off to the door. Again, Brock spoke up.

"Evan's a fucking idiot! I'm the most responsible one!" He complained.

"Babe, just let it go," Brian chuckled. Brock huffed, then rested his head on Brian's shoulder, who smiled. I soon picked Luka up and held him in my arms, then stood up. 

"Alright, little dummy. Let's go get you something to eat, 'cause you're probably hungry right about now. Then we can clean up your mess." I walked into the kitchen, and glanced at Craig. "It's okay, man, you don't have to clean it up. I got this." 

"Nah, it smells bad and it'll spread quick if it doesn't get taken care of immediately." Craig shrugged. "I'm fine with cleaning it up. Just get that stupid, but adorable, doggo all taken care of, okay?" 

I nodded. "Thanks, bro." 

Craig smiled at me before he walked back into the living room. I put Luka on the table, where he sat down. I chuckled a bit, then walked over to the pantry and pulled out a bag of soft dry food. When Del and Evan came over earlier, they had it with them, but refused to share how they obtained it. I grabbed a random bowl and poured the food into it, then set it in front of Luka, who started happily eating. I smiled as I watched him. 

"Hey, doofus, slow down!" I sighed as he stopped eating at the tone of my voice. He glanced up at me, and stared for a few seconds, before he went back to eating. I smiled and put the food back in the pantry, shutting it quietly.

All of a sudden, Luka jumped up and off of the table, running into the living room. "Luka!" I groaned, then walked into the living room. "For fuck's sake, why are you such a hyper shit!?" I watched as he ran over to someone. I didn't glance at them, 'cause I was more concerned with making sure he was okay. I bent down and picked him up, then pet him a bit, calming him down. As I put him down again, I started to speak. "I'm sorry, he gets excited easily.." I stood up and glanced at the person. "..uh."

My throat was suddenly dry as my eyes met his.

His gorgeous, mismatched, pretty fucking eyes. The eyes I hadn't seen in years, and feared I never would see again. The eyes that belonged to the love of my life. I felt tears form in my eyes as I realized who was in front of me. I tried to speak, and my word only came out as a whisper.

"Buttercup?" 

He leaned forwards, and fell into my arms. "It's me, Phoenix." His quivering voice reached my ears and I cried harder. I wrapped my arms around him, and he did the same to me. I shook as I held him, and he cried into me.

I was finally seeing the love of my life again. After years. After sleepless nights. After hours of crying. I held him, never wanting to be pulled away from him. I couldn't put into words the emotions I was feeling.

He pulled away, and looked at me. He reached his hand up and wiped my tears away, then gently rubbed my cheek with his thumb. "You kept your promise, John," he whispered, and I thought I would dissipate into dust as he spoke my name. I leaned forward, and kissed him. He kissed me back.

It was simple, just a meeting of the lips, but it was more than that. It was a "hello again" after a forced goodbye. It was a "I thought I'd never see you again" after a parting of ways. It was a "I missed you" after a far too long separation. It was everything I thought it might be, but better. Because I wasn't imagining it. It was real.

We soon parted and he rested against me for a few moments, before suddenly pulling away and coughing into his arm. I quickly grew worried, and I heard an unfamiliar voice speak up. "Can he sit down somewhere? Please!?" 

Evan and another man, who I didn't recognize, walked over to Lukas and helped him sit down. I felt my worry grow and I glanced at the man again. "What happened? Is he okay?" I asked, extremely worried.

"John, your boyfriend is the opposite of okay right now." He answered me, his voice expressing clear concern and also slight panic. I quickly walked over and sat down next to Lukas, staring at him.

"Lukas, what's wrong?" I asked. I was confused, and my emotions were everywhere, but I was mostly worried. Hella worried. Was he hurt? 

"I'm uh, I'm just a little fu-fucked up right now," He replied, then groaned a bit. I felt my worry spike. "Can someone get me a bucket so I don't throw up on the floor?"

Why would he be throwing up? Obviously he wasn't okay, and I just wanted answers. "John, could you take my shirt off?" He asked, glancing at me.

"I mean okay, but why..?" I wasn't going to argue, but his request definitely made me even more confused. I leaned over and grabbed the bottom of his shirt, then slowly lifted it up. I frowned as I noticed him biting his lip, and I pulled his shirt all the way off, tossing it besides me. I glanced at his stomach as a flashlight shone on it, and my eyes widened.

"Fuck." Lukas sighed.

All of his skin on his abdomen was mostly black and purple, which was obviously extremely fucking worrying. However, even more worrying was the ridiculous amount of blood on the left side of his stomach. What the  _fuck_ happened? 

"That's why," The man said. "Lukas, it's only getting worse!"

"Everything gets worse before it gets better, Jay!" Lukas muttered, and then quickly sat up. I glanced at the man again, realizing his name was Jay, and then glanced back at Lukas, quiet. I couldn't imagine how Lukas felt, and it fucking scared the shit out of me. I just wanted him to be okay. That's all I fucking wanted.

Suddenly, Marcel shouted. "Lukas, what the  _fuck_ is wrong with you!?" 

I watched as Lukas shrugged, and then Ryan put a bucket in front of him. He quickly leaned over it and threw up into it. When he was done, he groaned and sat back down. Jay soon started shouting.

"Okay, to make a long story short, these crazy motherfuckers in this building do experiments on us, and most of them turn out like this, but we don't know how to cure it and this could very possibly kill Lukas!" 

I felt myself tense up. What the fuck!? I wouldn't let that happen. I couldn't let that happen. No fucking way was Lukas going to die.

 "We managed to escape last night, which-" Jay tried to continue talking, but David cut him off.

"That's why the power went out! I  _told_ you guys!" I felt like throwing up. This was a terrible situation and all of the shouting only made me anxious.

"Daithi, now isn't the time for 'I-told-you-so's!" Tyler soon shouted, and then snapped his gaze onto Jay. "How do we help him!?"

"I don't fucking know, which is the problem!" Jay shouted in return, and I felt my anxiety getting worse. 

"Everyone just shut the fuck  _up,_ please!" Lukas shouted, and I glanced over at him. He looked like he was in an immense amount of pain, and I frowned, feeling sadness claw at me. Fuck. He didn't deserve that. "My head hurts like a son of a bitch and you guys fucking shouting doesn't help jack shit!"

The room was deadly silent after that, and as much as I wanted to cry then and there, I knew I'd have to stay calm. For Lukas. Brock soon spoke, obviously trying to lighten the mood. "Two years and he hasn't changed at all."

I smiled a bit, then reached over and started running my fingers through Lukas' hair in an attempt to calm him down. It seemed to work, considering I heard him start to take deeper breaths. "I mean, his hair is white now." I spoke. "He's still gorgeous, though." 

I watched as a small smile formed on his lips and he glanced at me. "I wish we could have seen each other again a bit differently," he chuckled. Although he spoke lightly, I knew he really meant it. 

"Any circumstance is better than none," I whispered, before leaning over and kissing his head. Soon, the guys broke off into quiet conversation, and I kept playing with Lukas' hair. I watched his eyes shut, and I smiled a bit, then slowly pulled away.

"Guys. Guys. Guys!" I had to raise my voice a bit to gather everyone's attention, and I nodded my head in Lukas' direction. "He's asleep. We can talk, but quietly, okay?" 

They all nodded, and I glanced over at Jay. "So you're Jay, right?" 

He nodded. "Jason, but yeah, I definitely prefer Jay." 

"Okay. Uh. I get that like, this is probably a lot to take in right now, cause both you and Lukas escaped, but could you explain everything that happened..? Or as much of it as you can?" I asked. Jay sighed, before glancing at the floor.

"Yeah, okay. Before I start, um, I'm really sorry if you get confused at any points. This'll take a while," Jay murmured. "Alright. So about three years ago, I was kidnapped by.. well, we don't really know who they are, but we all called them whitecoats. I was taken away to a building, and immediately attacked with questions. I lasted about two days, which at the time, was the longest. After that, the experiments started. They would inject me with shit, and do experiments on me, and I quickly learned that's what happened to everyone. We were.. well, we were their lab rats. Now, these whitecoats had abilities. They could snap their fingers and the lights would turn off, or whistle and shut doors, or clap their hands and turn the TV off.. stuff like that, y'know? It didn't make sense, and still doesn't. I was there for about a year. Then, one day, I heard someone mention a new patient- they called him Purple." 

We were all invested, listening to Jay and saying nothing, just offering him our undivided attention.

"Now, this new addition was apparently remarkable. All of the patients talked about him. He lasted a month in interrogation before finally giving in. The whitecoats were fascinated with him. One day, I met him, and he told me his name was Lukas." Jay glanced over at Lukas with a small smile on his face. "We hit it off immediately, and quickly became friends. For two years, we hung out, talked, and became so close that we were allowed to visit the other's rooms. We often talked about the whitecoats and their abilities, and wondered what it would be like if we could do that too, y'know?" 

He grew a little quiet, and sighed. "I.. I'm probably saving Lukas a lot of anxiety by telling you guys this. One day, while we joked around, I brought up the idea of.. trying it. Just trying it, you know? Seeing if we could do it. And Lukas doubted it, but he let me try it. And uh.. it worked." 

"Wait, hold on, it worked?" Tyler spoke up, the first of us to ask a question. "You mean.. like.. magic? You did magic?" 

"I didn't know what it was. I still don't know what it is." Jay sighed. 

"Hey, Jay, we're not calling bullshit or anything, alright?" Lui murmured, his demeanor a little more serious than usual. "But can you.. can you show us?" 

Jay rubbed at the back of his neck. "I.. I haven't tried it since we left the building, but yeah, I can try." He soon sighed, and glanced around the room. "Uh, tell me what to move so you don't think I'm faking it or anything."

I pointed to a picture in the corner of the room. It was a group photo of all of us. "That picture," I murmured. "Give it to me." 

Jay glanced at the photo, and nodded, then stared at it for a few moments. We all watched, patiently waiting. Soon, he lifted his left hand, and curled his fingers inwards a bit. Then he raised his hand higher, and I felt my breath stop as I watched the picture start.. fucking.. levitating.

Jay slowly moved his arm to my direction, and I watched as the photo came closer and closer. Soon enough, it was within arm's reach, and I grabbed it out of the air. Jay let his arm fall and I glanced over at him, quiet. Nobody said anything, until Anthony spoke.

"Holy shit."

A quiet chuckle left Jay's mouth,, and he rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah. Uh. So you guys believe me, right?"

Nobody said anything, but we all just quietly nodded.

"Okay, uh, so let me continue the story. Actually, I forgot to mention something. Uh, before we even discovered these powers, Lukas and I had been talking about escaping. Y'know, finally making it out of that hellhole and escaping. I remember countless days where Lukas would just lay on his bed, with his head in his hands, and he'd just tell me about you guys. He told me about every single fuckin' one of you. How he missed Evan's understanding personality. How he missed Jonathan's crazy laugh. How he missed Brock's kind advice. How he missed Brian's cocky sense of humor. How he missed Anthony's wheezing laugh, which was his favorite laugh of all of you, by the way. How he missed Ryan's tendency to turn any innocent joke into an innuendo. How he missed Daithi's apparent inability to form coherent sentences. How he missed Lui's squeaker voice. How he missed Craig's stupid jokes, that never failed to make anyone laugh. How he missed Tyler's stupid 'angry moments', as he called them. How he missed Scotty's sincerity. How he missed Marcel's rage voice. And, of course, how he missed everything about John- his eyes, his hair, his hands, his literal fucking everything. I never complained, though. I was more than happy to let him talk. It helped him cope." The mood in the room had improved quite a bit as Jay shared happy memories of Lukas, leaving everyone with a smile on their face as he told each one of us what Lukas missed.

"Anyways.. so, when we first discovered these powers, we already had the plan of escaping in our heads. We just didn't know how. So once Lukas and I stopped freaking out over me having powers, I asked him to try. Now I had only managed to turn the lights off. I asked him to move a tennis ball. And he obviously didn't think it would work, cause A- that seemed harder, and B- Lukas has his insecurities. But soon enough, he tried, and it worked. He moved a tennis ball across the room." Jay chuckled a bit as we all turned our heads to look at Lukas. He seemed peaceful, and content. He obviously wasn't in pain, but that didn't mean his state was any better. To imagine him doing something like that seemed.. unrealistic. Our Lukas?

"You can probably imagine how we felt when we realized we could do these things. It made escape seem so much closer." I glanced back at Jay and frowned as I noticed him staring at the floor. "So we worked on our skills. Every day, we would move things with.. our minds? Our hands? I don't know how we did it. But we did, and we got better at it. We could play catch without ever actually touching the ball. Now, fast forward to yesterday.. the power outage."

Jay stretched a bit and ran his fingers through his hair before he started talking again. "It was just a normal day, y'know? I visited Lukas and we played catch for a bit, then decided to go eat. The system there is really weird, and we have to eat at certain hours, but we're allowed to go on our own.. like I said, it's weird, and I don't feel like explaining it. Anyways, we got our food, and sat at a table, and talked like normal. We talked about leaving, and Lukas brought up that he felt like punching something, which.. isn't like him. He's not a confrontational person at all, but that day he was just so.. restless. Anyways, the conversation moves and we start laughing, and piss a whitecoat off. He tells us to shut up and Lukas, like a dumbass, talks back to him. That's not really.. allowed. So they argue, and then the whitecoat smacks Lukas. I could tell he was pissed, but I knew him fighting back would make things worse. Of course, he didn't listen to me, and punched the guy." He sighed.

"So they start beating the crap out of each other and I can't really do anything but watch. I'm hoping this guy doesn't pound Lukas to death, and eventually he leaves him on the floor and walks away. When Lukas gets back up, I noticed this.. gleam in his eyes. He was pissed. He lifted his hand, and I instantly knew what he was going to do. He was going to use his powers, which would get us caught, which would get us  _fucked._ I told him not to. But this is Lukas we're talking about, and he did it anyways. He slides a table into the way of the man as he's walking away, and the guy spins around and asks him how he did that. And this part.. it uh, it wasn't too easy to watch." Jay rested his face in his hands before speaking again.

"'Magic,' was Lukas' reply, and he offered it to the man with nothing more but a simple shrug of his shoulders. He soon lifted a knife off of the counter, and made it come over to him." Jay spoke, quiet again. I felt the atmosphere take a noticeable dive, and I felt.. uncomfortable. This didn't sound anything like Lukas. "So he picks it up, out of the air, and holds it in his hand. I ask him to think about this, and only seconds after the guy prods him. 'Do it, you fucking monster.' That's what he told him. He called him a fucking monster. 'Do it. Kill me. Watch what happens.' And I thought Lukas would put the knife down. I really did. 'That'd be too nice.' Lukas replied, and then threw the knife in the air, stopping it with his powers. He angled it, so it was facing the man, and then spoke once more. 'I hope you suffer, bitch.' And then he flicked the wrist, and the knife dove into the man's abdomen." 

We were all quiet. 

"He deserved it." Ryan soon spoke up. "They're monsters. All of these.. whitecoat people? They all deserve to burn." 

"I don't disagree with Ryan," Craig murmured. "But.. for Lukas to just.. kill someone..?" 

"He.. he felt hella guilty afterwards," Jay spoke. "It was like something came over him in that situation. And the man might not even be dead. Anyways, I quickly yelled at Lukas, telling him we had to go. Cause we had to fucking go. A ton of whitecoats had watched the event unfold, and more were coming. So we took off running. We ran around for probably ten minutes, before I got tired of looking for the door, and decided we'd jump through a window. It was surprisingly easier than I thought it would've been. We left, after that, and made our way through a forest. Then we found a road, and we followed it into the city. We asked questions and figured out we hadn't left the city. Then we rested outside of a shop for the night." 

Jay shrugged his shoulders. "This morning, we took off and looked for John's house, to see if he was there. Obviously he wasn't, but the person there gave us your address. It took so long because we had to walk across half of the city. Lukas' condition got worse and worse throughout the day, and once we finally got to the building, I thought he might faint. But we made it to the door, and when nobody answered, I took off to the next one. But Lukas collapsed. Then Evan opened the door, and.. well, the rest is history." 

Nobody said anything for a while. A long, long while. In that time, as I thought quietly to myself, I started playing with Lukas' hair again. He shifted a bit in his sleep, resting his head on my shoulder. I smiled. I couldn't imagine what Lukas had been through in those two years. What those fucking whitecoats had done to him. What they had put him through. 

But he was so much stronger than he knew he was, and I was so proud of him for getting out of there.

I soon glanced at Jay again. "Thank you, Jay." 

"Thank me? For what?" He glanced over at me, a confused expression on his face.

"For taking care of him." I murmured. 

"Ah, shit. I didn't take care of him. I mean, I did. Of course I tried to protect him as much as I could, but he took care of me, too. He's like my brother." Jay smiled a bit. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost him." 

"I guarantee you he feels the same way," I murmured, glancing over at Lukas. Quiet snores left his mouth and I felt my smile grow, but it soon turned into a frown as I glanced back at his exposed torso. "We've got to figure out how to fix him up." 

"If I'm being honest, the best bet is to clean the wound, bandage everything, and get him food, water, and medicine. Any fucking medicine." Jay spoke. I glanced over at Marcel, and smiled as he was already standing up. 

"I'll get the gauze," He spoke. "Craig, come with me, I don't know where the med kit is, and we're going to need it to clean the wound." 

Craig quickly stood up and walked over to Marcel, and they walked away. Tyler soon walked over to me, and quietly stared at Lukas. After a few moments, he spoke. "I can't believe he's back." 

"Yeah, me neither." I said, chuckling a bit.

"I can't believe how much he's gone through in these past two years," Another voice said. I quickly realized it was Scotty, not having to look at him to make the connection. 

"I'm just glad he's still fucking alive," I said. Lukas soon stirred, blinking his eyes open. 

"Oh.. jeez. How long.. was I asleep for?" He yawned. His eyes soon landed on mine, and he blinked. "I.. totally forgot.. that I was here. You.. are definitely.. nice to wake up to."

I chuckled a bit, feeling my face heat up. Tyler and Scotty shared a look and Lukas awkwardly sat up, then leaned over and kissed me. I kissed him back, and he pulled away after a bit, just to rest his head on my chest. I glanced down, and noticed the ring on his hand. I quickly picked his hand up, staring closer at the ring. "How do you still have it?"

"I demanded they let me keep it," Lukas murmured. "Oh jeez. Do you guys know anything, yet, or..?" 

"Jay told us everything. Literally everything." Tyler said, glancing at Lukas. Lukas' eyes widened a bit when he glanced at him, realizing who it was.

"Tyler?" He whispered, and then quickly sat up, then hugged him. Tyler smiled and hugged him back. They held that position for a while, before a loud whistle filled the room. Tyler and Lukas pulled away, and Marcel and Craig walked into the room with a bunch of medical lookin' shit.

"Oh shit." Lukas groaned. They quickly sat down on the couch, on the other side of Lukas, and Marcel glanced at him.

"This is definitely going to hurt like a mother fucker, but it'll be over pretty quickly, okay?" Marcel told him. He poured  _something_ on a clean, dry towel, then hovered it over Lukas' wound. "I would recommend gripping onto something."

I quickly moved my arm so Lukas could squeeze onto it. "I might squeeze your arm to death, John." He murmured, then pressed a little kiss to my bicep. "I hope that's okay."

"As long as it helps you, anything is okay with me." I smiled, and Marcel soon started cleaning Lukas' wound. He instantly squeezed my arm and I leaned over, kissing his head. 

"It won't last long, love." 

"I know." He sighed. "I know." 

Marcel soon pulled away, and glanced at Lukas' side. "Hey, your skin is visible. I mean, like, your actual color." He said, blinking. I glanced over at it and realized that he had cleaned all of the blood off of him. The wound was visible, and it was quite nasty, but the skin around it was a normal color. It wasn't black, or purple, or anything.

"That's.. that's good. I think it's getting better," Lukas murmured, a small smile on his lips.

"Alright, well I'm going to bandage it anyways, 'cause it won't keep getting better if it gets infected or something. Lukas, can you sit up for me, please?" Marcel asked, pulling away to grab the gauze, probably. Lukas nodded, and he sat up, yawning a bit. 

"I'm hungry," He soon complained, which earned a laugh from everyone who heard it. "No but like, seriously though. Jay and I haven't eaten since we got out of the lab place. And neither of us have had  _actual fucking food_ in years. Like, the food there was food, but it wasn't very good. At all. Ever. Man, like, I just fucking want some watermelon right now." 

"Hey! We actually have some of that." Tyler exclaimed, and quickly went off to go get it. He soon paused, though, glancing at Jay. "Hey Jay, come with me, and you can have whatever. I mean, the fridge might not be the best place to get food, cause of the power being out.. but most of the crap is still good. And there's dry foods too. Words are hard. Just come with me for food." He said. Jay chuckled, and followed Tyler into the kitchen.

Marcel started bandaging Lukas' abdomen, and Lukas squeezed my arm again, but not as tightly as he did the first time. Marcel was about halfway done when Tyler and Jay came back into the room. Jay looked like he was literally in love with the sandwich he was eating, and Tyler was carrying the container of watermelon, as well as two glasses of water. They walked over, and Jay sat down on the floor contently. Tyler set the glasses down on the table, then blinked. "I would hand Lukas the watermelon, but.. uh.. he's being fixed. So here, John."

I took the watermelon and set it in my lap, then glanced over at Lukas. He was staring at it with a needy expression, and I chuckled, picking a piece up and then holding it in front of his mouth. He quickly took it and ate it, then let out a happy sigh. "Watermelon is so fucking good." 

I kept feeding him until Marcel had finished bandaging him up. Once he pulled away, Lukas quickly took the container of watermelon and set it on the couch, right next to him, then started eating to his heart's content, stopping every once in a while only to take a sip of water. I smiled, then glanced over as I heard a little patter on the floor. "Luka! Up, boy!"

Luka quickly jumped up onto my lap and I laughed as he licked all over my face. I pet him and smiled. He soon stopped and settled on my lap. I glanced over at Lukas, who was staring at him. "I looked at him for like two seconds earlier. I'm confused. When did you get a dog?" He asked, glancing over at me. "And how is it so fucking cute? It should be physically impossible to be that cute. Great, my boyfriend and his dog defy the laws of physics." He huffed.

I felt my heart quicken a bit as he referred to me as his boyfriend. I had missed that so fucking much. I smiled and leaned over, kissing his cheek. He blushed a bit, and I grinned. "You're so cute when you blush," I murmured, and Lukas smacked my arm lightly, which made me laugh.

"I hate you, dummy." He said, then quickly leaned over and kissed my lips. I kissed him back, and we held it before he pulled away and rested his head on my shoulder. "What's his name again?" 

"Oh, uh. It's Luka." I smiled. "He was named after you, if you couldn't tell. We only got him.. last night, actually." Luka perked up a bit at the mention of his name and he lifted his head. I glanced over at Lukas, who had a huge grin on his face.

"Oh my god, his eyes are so pretty," He murmured. Luka got up and moved a few steps, then rested on Lukas' lap. His smile grew even bigger, and he started petting Luka. "I love this puppy. Oh my god. I love him so much." 

I laughed and rested my arm around Lukas' shoulders, then kissed his head. "I missed this."

"Yeah. I did, too. Just.. being with you," He murmured. "It's a little weird, though. And I don't mean in a bad way or anything. I'm just not used to it, you know? I mean, I am.. sort of. It's just been a long time." 

"No, I totally understand what you mean." I said, smiling a bit as I looked at him, taking in his attractive features. "You got even hotter. I didn't think that'd be possible." 

"John!" He groaned, covering his face as he blushed. "You can't just come at me with that! I wasn't ready!"

I laughed, then pulled his hands off of his face. "Don't cover your face! Nobody will be able to enjoy it then." I smiled as I saw how red his cheeks had gotten. "You look really cool with that hair, by the way. It suits you well. You look amazing in anything and everything, though, so that's a little unfair." 

Lukas soon glanced at me, and smiled. "Whatever you say, loser." We sat in comfortable silence for a while, before Lukas suddenly spoke up again.

"Hey guys, John's really fucking hot, right?" He shouted it, which caused everyone to turn their head and look at us. I felt my face heat up immediately and I covered my face with my hands, speaking through them and muffling my voice.

"What the  _fuck,_ Lukas!?" I spoke, and soon my hands were being pulled away from my face. I glanced over and Lukas was watching me with a cheeky smile.

"Payback is a bitch, Johnny boy." He spoke, and I sighed. 

"I hate you." 

"I love you too." 

He pulled me close to him, and connected our lips. We kissed, and sort of forgot that everyone else was still in the room. I licked his lower lip and he opened his mouth, letting me in. We explored each other, and I ran my fingers through his hair. When we parted to breathe, a loud whistle filled the quiet room, and both of us went red.

I glanced over, and all of the guys were watching us, smirking. Even Jay. Lukas awkwardly chuckled. "Uh.."

I shrugged, "Fuck it." I soon leaned in again and reconnected our lips, pushing Lukas down gently. 

"And now is when we all leave the room. Come come, children. Into the kitchen. Luka, you too!" Craig's voice quickly started shouting orders.

Lukas' hands found their way to the nape of my neck and he soon leaned up, breaking our kiss. He paused next to my neck, only to lean over and press a kiss on it. On my sweet spot, more specifically. 

"Lukas, are you  _fucking_ kidding me?" I felt my breath hitch, and Lukas only grinned as he purposely fucked with me. He kissed it again, and soon started sucking on it. After about a minute, he pulled away, glancing at my neck. 

"Yeah, that's a hickey." He chuckled, and I sighed. However, my face obviously didn't match my 'mood,' because I had a huge smile. I leaned down and our lips met once more, but I soon pulled away, and kissed down his lips, and down his chin, and across his jawline, and down his neck, until my lips kissed his sweet spot. He tensed up underneath me and I chuckled, taking my time. "John.." He whispered, and I just put a finger to his lips, shushing him. 

I lightly sucked on it, and could practically feel the heat radiating off of Lukas. After a few moments, I pulled away, eyeing what I'd done. I smiled, and Lukas chuckled a bit, then reconnected our lips.

When I pulled away, he rested his head on my chest. "Hey, John?"

"Hmm?" I hummed, glancing over at him. He chuckled a bit.

"Didn't we do what we just did the first day we started dating?" Lukas asked, and as I remembered it, I slowly nodded. 

He smiled, then glanced at me. "Well, old habits die hard, I suppose."

Normally, I hated those types of sayings.

But I suppose I didn't mind it when it came out of Lukas' mouth.

He leaned forward, and kissed me again.

I kissed him back.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> implied smut, sexual themes, no actual written smut in this chapter

**lukas**

 

Happiness. What an amazing, beautiful, and rewarding emotion.

I found it in the air whenever I walked past a park. I found it in the bubbly laughter of little kids as they slid down slides or swung on swings.

I found it in the library as a person finally found a book they'd been searching everywhere for.

I found it in the movie theater as the plot would resolve and the movie would end on a pure, lighthearted note.

I found it in mementos, as I looked at a photograph and became overwhelmed with memories.

I found it in the grocery store, when my eyes landed on my favorite box of cereal.

I found it in my friend's laughter, when someone made a joke that everyone thought was funny.

I found it in John; for his eyes seemed to light up whenever they met mine.

I found it in myself. Because I was home again.

And home.. that's not a place. You can't put a name to it. It's a feeling.

I feel at home when my friends pull me in for a hug and tell me how much they missed me.

I feel at home when I bite into food- food I haven't tasted in years.

I feel at home when I hear one of my favorite songs that I haven't listened to in a while start playing.

I feel at home when I watch a movie that I grew up watching.

I feel at home when I laugh with my friends at a joke that leaves us in tears.

I feel at home when I stare out my window in a long car ride late at night.

I feel at home when I sit down late at night and watch the fireflies fly around, lighting up the air.

I feel at home when the cool breeze tosses my hair, lightly messing it up, on late summer afternoons.

I feel at home when I bundle up in blankets and drink hot cocoa on cold, cozy winter nights.

I feel at home when I finish a great book and sit in silence for a while, just thinking everything over.

I feel at home when I can't sleep in the middle of the night, and John moves closer to me, throwing an arm over my waist and soothing me to sleep.

I feel at home when I go outside and admire the stars, and their breathtaking beauty.

I feel at home when I am swarmed with familiar, warm, and compassionate eyes, that are always accompanied by smiles of understanding.

I feel at home when John's lips meet mine.

I haven't felt at home in a while, and most of the time, I associate the word with memories I have. But I finally felt at home, with my head on John's chest. I heard his heartbeat, slow and steady, and it calmed me down. "John?" I asked, my voice a little soft.

"Yeah, beautiful?" Was his response, and I smiled before looking up at him.

"I love you." I whispered. "I love you so much."

Being away from him for so long tore away at me. I often vented to Jay about it.

_"Lukas, talk to me. Stop being so pissy and just talk, please." Jay sighed, glancing at me from his position on his bed. I ran my fingers through my hair, tears threatening to make their way down my face. I soon swore and swung my fist at the wall, putting a slight dent in it and fucking up my hand._

_"Fuck!" I complained, and Jay sighed._

_"Are you alright?"_

_"No, Jay. I'm not alright. I'm the fucking opposite of alright," I leaned against the wall, then slid down it until I was sitting on the floor. I moved my knees to my chest and stared at my knuckles, which were bleeding. "I'm just so.."_

_I sighed, trying to calm my breath, before I spoke again. "I don't know what do anymore, Jay. I just want to see him. It's been a year and a fucking half. At this point, he might not even remember who I fucking am. Or was. I guess it's was, at least to him. But I need to see him. I need to fucking see him. To see his eyes. His sky blue eyes. His stunning smile, and adorable laugh. I miss his hugs, and I miss his pretty words. I miss his hands and I miss his rings. I miss his painted nails and I miss his boots. I miss his stupid fucking vapes. I miss his voice. I can't even remember what he sounds like, Jay. Do you know how much that fucking hurts? He was the love of my life and I can't even remember what he sounds like. This ring is all I have left of him, Jay. It's all I have left. All I want is to feel his lips kiss my neck, and his fingers intertwine with my hands, and his voice speak in my ear. I might never get to experience that ever again. And I don't know how to handle that."_

_Jay was completely silent as I spoke, and as I finally stopped, he sighed. "I'm sorry, Lukas. I'm so sorry. But I promise you, we'll get out of here one day, and I'll help you find J_ _ohn_ _."_

_I glanced at him, and even with my blurred vision- due to my tears- I could see the sincerity in his eyes._

_"Okay."_

"Lukas, love? You zoned out. You alright?" John's fingers played with my hair, and I slowly nodded.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. Just.. thinking about things," I murmured, glancing at him again. His eyes met mine, and I smiled as I took in their color. Even though the only thing lighting up the room was a few candles, his eyes didn't fail to shine brightly.

_"Hey, buttercup?" John asked as he sat next to me. I glanced at him, looking into his eyes as I spoke._

_"What's up, love?" I spoke, smiling a bit before I glanced back in front of us. We were sitting on the roof of a random building, our legs dangling over the edge. The railroad was directly below us, and it was quite a sight. I tossed down a rock, and watched as it bounced off of the metal with a quiet, but firm,_ ping!

_I glanced at John again as I realized he hadn't replied yet. He was staring at his hands as he fidgeted with his rings, which I knew was an anxious habit of his. Soon, without tearing his gaze off of his hands, he talked. "Why do you love me?" His voice was quiet, and sort of.. hesitant._

_I felt my gaze soften and my heart start to hurt. "John..." I started, but he shook his head._

_"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that." He murmured. "I guess my poor heart just can't stop begging for validation." A light, dry chuckle escaped from between his lips, and I felt the sadness inside of me grow even more. It was like a knife was prodding into my heart, slowly digging deeper and deeper._

_"John, I-" He cut me off again._

_"Lukas, please don't answer my question. I don't.. want you to have to lie to me." He ran his fingers through his hair, and moved some of it down, blocking a bit of his face. He moved his hand and rubbed his face, and I realized he was crying, but was trying to hide it from me. "I know I'm nothing special."_

_I leaned over and grabbed his hand, then pulled it away from his face. I quickly took it, and kissed the top of it lightly, before I glanced at him again. His usual lively, happy eyes seemed so sad, and cold. I shook my head as I spoke._

_"You are everything special." I began, lightly trailing my fingers through his hair. "I don't know why you're feeling this way, and I'm not going to ask you why. I'm not going to ask you to talk unless you want to, because forcing things out of you isn't healthy. But I'm not going to sit here and let you keep talking so lowly about yourself. You are a work of art, John Kryoz."_

_I kissed his forehead, leaving my lips there for a few seconds, before pulling away and talking again. "I could compare you to so many things, John. I could compare you to the stars in the sky, because you shine so brightly. Or I could tell you how you remind me of a butterfly, because you're fragile but strong, and your looks are breathtaking. Maybe I can compare you to the feeling you get when you're just sitting underneath a tree, basking in the shade, and reading a good book. Because you are peaceful, and you are calm, and you spread that out to everyone you know. But those things really pale in comparison to you. Because you are more than you think. You are.. indescribable, John. No words that I mutter will ever be able to explain why I love you. Maybe it is the chemicals in my brain, yelling at me and telling me you are the best of the best. But I think.. I think it's because you_ are  _the best. You light me up. Just one look into your eyes, and you're capable of calming me down, and soothing me. Just one look into your eyes, and you're capable of making me blush, and squirm. Just one look into your eyes, and you're capable of making me feel happy, and warm. All you are.. is good, John. All of you, and all that you are made of, is good."_

_He was quiet, and I rested my head against his shoulder. "If nothing else, I hope I made you smile, Johnny boy. 'Cause I love your smile."_

_He soon tilted his head a bit, and kissed my forehead. I smiled, and he tilted his head further down and kissed my lips. I kissed him back, and then he soon pulled away. "I like how you make me feel, Lukas." He murmured, and I sighed happily._

_"I'm glad. And remember, John, I'm always here for you. It doesn't matter if you want to cry, or if you want to talk, or if you want a hug, or if you want me to shower you in my love- which I will always do, whether you like it or not. I'll always be here."_

_"I know."_

"Lukas? You did it again." John chuckled, and I frowned.

"Oh gosh. I'm sorry. I just keep thinking and then memories come up and stuff." I explained, blushing a bit in slight embarrassment.

"It's fine, baby." He smiled, leaning over and kissing me. I gladly kissed him back, and we parted, but only to kiss again. However, I pulled away before things got too heated, not wanting a repeat of what had happened only minutes ago. John rested his head against the couch, and just stared up at the ceiling. I could tell he was thinking, as he gave an occasional roll of his eye every so often. I took the moment to just stare at him- to just stare at him and think.

Him and I. Just a couple of lovers who hadn't seen each other in years. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified of the idea that he had moved on. Of course, I would've had to live with it.. but it would have stung, to see him kiss the lips of another, or to hold someone's hand that wasn't mine. As I thought, I felt a gentle wave of a feeling wash over my heart. It was light, and told me how much I loved John. Soon, it struck again, but harder, and I was soon overcome with the feeling. I smiled a bit as I realized John was mine. He really was mine, and he always would be.

In every cliche adventure movie, or in certain cases, romantic movies, there's always a bottle in the ocean. It has a note in it, and of course, you don't know what that note is until you find the bottle. Well, I found the bottle, and he was sitting right next to me. And the note he gave to me was a note of love.

My saving grace; watching John was like watching a feather fall slowly to the ground. It's sudden, and catches your eye, and you can't seem to tear your eyes off of it, even as it lands on the ground. "Don't touch it!" You might have been informed. You were told it might hurt you. You were told it might carry things that you didn't need. And then you pick it up, and it's soft, and it feels nice, and makes a smile form on your face.

I sat up a bit, then straddled John's lap. He lifted his head and glanced at me, his eyebrows furrowed a bit. My eyes met his blue ones, and my heart went,  _bum-bum, bum-bum, bum-bum! bum-bum! bum-bum!_

"You are painstakingly beautiful, John." I whispered, and he stared back at me, not yet opening his mouth to speak. He knew I wasn't done. "Sky blue eyes, porcelain skin. Rosy cheeks, and cute dimples. A breathtaking smile, and a little mole- one that you're not fond of, but to me, it's perfect. I have missed out on the most beautiful thing in this world for the past two years. I haven't been able to see your face, and god damn it, I'm going to appreciate it as much as I can. I'm never going to take you for granted, John. Not a single part of you."

John's normally rosy cheeks were even more pink, and he couldn't keep the smile off of his face as I finished talking. I smiled as he spoke. "I.. I don't.. know what to say," he chuckled a bit. "You make me so happy, Lukas." I was about to say something, but was cut off when his lips met mine. I smiled as he kissed me, and I quickly kissed him back. His hands soon made their way into my hair, and I curled my hands around the collar of his shirt, pulling him closer to me and deepening the kiss.

I soon pulled away, and moved my lips to his neck, where I started sucking on his skin. John tensed underneath me, and quietly spoke. "Lukas.. we can't.."

"Why not?" I whispered, slowly smiling as I felt him squirm a bit. I returned to leaving marks all over his neck, waiting for him to speak up again.

"We're not.. alone.." He huffed, and I leaned up and kissed him, then rolled off of him.

"Then let's go be alone," I murmured, and stood up. He stared at me, obviously flustered, and I couldn't help but enjoy the way his face looked. It was clear that he was thinking, and I soon saw him bite his lip. I tried to ignore the shivers that his action had sent down my spine, and instead grabbed his hand, then pulled him up. I pushed him against the wall, and reconnected our lips. He kissed me in return, a little needier than our previous kisses, and I glanced at him after we pulled away.

"Good thing the power's out, huh?" I chuckled, and grabbed his hand, intertwining our fingers. I opened the door and the guys, who were all chilling in the kitchen, glanced at us. It was actually surprisingly bright, and I heard a quiet 'oh no' from John besides me.

They all stared at John, and then at me. "We're going to John's room," I murmured, grinning. "Probably shouldn't knock." Then, without waiting for a reply, I took John's hand and made my way up the stairs. Once we were up there, John took the lead, cause I obviously didn't know where his room was. He opened a door, and then walked in. I shut it behind me, and then locked it.

He greeted me with a kiss.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**john**

 

I woke up with Lukas' cuddled into my chest, our legs tangled together, and his arm thrown over my waist. The sunlight shone brightly through my window, casting light upon his face and brightening his gentle features. His mouth was slightly open, and quiet snores escaped it. His gorgeous, white locks were messy and fluffed up and astray in places. His freckles stood out to me, and they dusted his face like splatters of paint dusted a canvas. Lukas truly was a masterpiece, and all I wanted was for him to realize his self-worth. He was a sand dollar on the beach, and a single star in the sky on a cloudy night. His every move, every word, every  _breath_ left me in awe. 

I carefully leaned my arm up and rested my thumb on his face, gently stroking his cheek with it.  shifted a bit, then blinked his eyes open, locking them with mine. I smiled a little. "Good morning, angel," I murmured, leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss to the tip of his nose. As I pulled away, I couldn't help but feel my heart flutter when a cute, tired smile reached his lips. "You sleep well?" 

"Yeah," Lukas murmured, his voice deeper than it usually was. His morning voice has always made me flustered, and it probably always will. Knowing this, he chuckled a bit and snuggled closer to me before he spoke. "That was quite a night, hmm?" 

"Oh," I murmured, blushing a little and looking away. "Uh, y-yeah." Soon, he leaned forwards and kissed my lips. I kissed him back, failing to stop myself from smiling. He pulled away and then raked his eyes over me, smiling. 

"You are stunning," He whispered. "You take my breath away, and I love it." 

"Lukas, it's too early for this," I murmured. "I don't need to be attacked with compliments." I chuckled lightly, and tried my best to seem like I was being lighthearted. Truthfully, I didn't deserve a damn compliment that might come out of the boy's mouth. I didn't deserve anything he had to offer me, but of course, I took it all in. Because I wanted him, more than anything.

"John, have you lost the ability to love yourself?" Lukas was a little quieter now, and I sighed as he gently grabbed my face, making me look at him. 

I bit my lip before I spoke. "I.. I guess I have."

"Baby.." He sighed, and then kissed my chest lightly. "Why? You're such a god damn miracle, I hate that you don't care about yourself the way you should."

"I.. did some dumb shit in the two years that you were away, L." I murmured. He picked his head up slightly at the new name, but said nothing. "I didn't care anymore." 

"What do you mean, angel?" He asked. "I mean.. you don't have to tell me, of course, but I want to help you." 

I sighed. 

"I didn't eat for days," I started, my voice already cracking midway into the sentence. "And it was never on purpose. I would just.. forget, because I was too busy, wrapped up in editing videos, recording them, and then doing research. But I'd always feel so bad, and I let my thoughts get a hold of me. I told myself it was better off if I felt that way. Better off if I didn't feel happy. 'Cause I didn't deserve it. Nobody like me should deserve it." 

I paused, chewing on my lower lip a bit, before speaking again. "And I know how fucked up that is, and I know how wrong that is. I... I know I deserve it. But I had no control over it. I couldn't stop thinking that way. And that.. that doesn't really leave, even if you want it to. And it's still hard to believe.. that I'm worth anything anymore. It's like.. when you were here, I was fine. You struck a match and it sent my brain into flames, but that was a wonderful thing. The fire told me to take care of myself, and to try to love myself. It reminded me that I was loved. But when you left.. the flames started dying, until they were almost completely out. I couldn't find another match to reignite the flames, Lukas. So I stopped thinking and feeling like I.. like I cared. Sometimes I would just cry, and the flames would grow a little bit in size, and I would take care of myself a little more. Sometimes they would randomly set ablaze, and weeks would pass, and I'd be fine. Mostly fine. Either a viewer would remind me I was loved, and I would take it to heart, or our friends would talk to me. But other times, a quiet thought would come sneaking in, acting as the gentlest breeze.. and somehow, the flames would almost go out. But.. thank fuck, they never did."

"I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you." Lukas' quiet voice tore at my heart, and as I glanced back at him, I realized he had started crying. His arms wrapped around me and his head rested in the nook between my shoulder and my arm, and he clung onto me. "I'm so sorry, baby. You don't deserve that. I love you. I love you so much, and I wasn't here to love you."

"It's not your fault, Lukas," I whispered, holding him and trying to keep the tears in my eyes from flowing down my face. "It's my own fault that I can't care about myself. But I'll get better, I promise."

Lukas didn't say anything in response. He just held me, and pet my hair, and pressed kisses to my neck, and my shoulder, and my cheek. After a while, his kisses grew softer, and he would say the same thing after every kiss. He kissed my shoulder, and then spoke. "I love you." He kissed my neck, and then spoke. "I love you." He kissed my cheek, and then spoke. "I love you." He kissed my forehead, and then spoke. "I love you." 

He kissed me, and I spoke.

"I love you too."

Lukas smiled at me, and I reached up and wiped his face clean of the tears. "How are you feeling, baby?" I asked, gazing down at his bare torso. His bandages were obviously still covering his wound, and I figured they should probably be replaced with a new set soon.

"I, uh.. I'm fine." He murmured, and I noticed the hesitation in his voice. It was small, but it was there, like a baby turtle waiting to jump into the water at the shore. It was a little scary, but they had to do it- they had to survive. Just like Lukas thought he had to lie.

"Lukas, don't lie to me." I sighed, glancing up at his face. His eyes were staring down at his hands, which were tense. His fingers were rubbing against each other, and I frowned as he spoke. 

"John, what if I'm not getting better?" Lukas asked, his voice breaking towards the end of the sentence. He blinked rapidly and ran his fingers through his hair, shaking a bit. "My head hurts, and the wound.. ah, fuck." He shook his head and sighed. "I don't know what to do."

I sat up, then pulled him up with me so I could get a better look at him. He sniffled a bit and glanced at me, and I sighed. "You're going to make it out of this fine, okay, Lukas? You have everyone here worried about you, and I'm not going to let you get away again, okay?" I pulled him close to me, and he hugged me again, shaking.

"I'm just so fucking scared." He spoke. "They.. they always did experiments.. but I always got better. What if I don't this time?"

I pulled away from him and kissed his forehead. "You will get better. I promise." 

A loud knocking on the door interrupted us, and I blinked. "Who is it?" 

"It's Tyler." His voice was low, and seemed hoarse. "Get the fuck downstairs. We've got to talk."

Footsteps lead away from the door and Lukas' eyes met mine. "What the fuck..?" He whispered.

We threw our clothes back on and Lukas stumbled a bit as he tried making his way to the door. I quickly wrapped my arm around his waist, and he leaned against me. I unlocked the door and opened it, then walked down the stairs, taking my time as Lukas was still in pain.

We walked into the kitchen, where Craig was sitting at the counter, holding his head in his hands. "Craig? What's going on? Why was Tyler in such a panic?" I asked, frowning.

Craig lifted his head and glanced at us. He bit his lip, then shook his head. "We've got a problem. A  _big_ problem." 

He turned the radio on in front of him, and at the same time, Tyler and Jay walked into the room. Jay looked extremely tired, and he broke into a cough almost immediately. "Jay? Are you okay?" Lukas asked, worry clear in his voice.

"I.. uh, I hope so." He groaned, and walked over to the counter, picking up a glass of water and sipping it. Tyler started pacing.

"What's happening?" I asked, confused. Nobody was telling us anything, and it was starting to annoy me.

"Lukas, do you know if you're contagious?" Tyler asked, and Craig huffed.

"The answer to that is yes, obviously." He muttered, with clear disdain in his voice, and I glanced at him.

"What the fuck, Craig?" I muttered, and Tyler sent a glare in Craig's direction.

"Craig, stop fucking being like that. I highly doubt he would have come down here if he knew." He muttered, and Craig slammed his fist down on the counter.

"Yeah, well he should have fucking thought about it." He muttered. "I hope you're happy when the world ends, Lukas." He stood up and walked away, and I tightened my grip around Lukas. 

"Tyler, what the  _fuck_ is his problem?" I asked, and Tyler sighed.

"He's a fucking asshole when he's upset like this." He shook his head. "He'll get over it. Lukas, man, can you answer my question? This is really important." 

I walked over to the chairs, and helped Lukas sit down before I sat down next to him. He slowly shook his head. "No, I don't.. I don't know. I didn't think it would be." 

Tyler reached over and turned the volume up on the radio, and we all listened as someone started talking. 

_"'Is this the end?' is a question a lot have been asking this morning. Seemingly overnight, dozens of citizens woke up with a bad cough and a dizzying headache. This has been paired with vomiting, and some confusion is spreading. Instead of vomiting whatever said person ate, they'll usually come up with blood, or an unidentified liquid. The only thing anyone knows about it is that it's purple."_

Lukas stiffened next to me, and Jay's coughing grew louder, until we couldn't hear the radio anymore.

"Lukas started the fucking end of the world. Absolutely wonderful." Craig's loud voice made itself known, and Tyler straightened.

"Craig, shut the fuck up." He shook his head. "It's not his fault."

"Maybe he shouldn't have fucking left." Craig spat, and I glared at him.

"Craig, are you  _fucking_ serious right now? What the fuck is wrong with you? He was being tortured, and you'd rather have had him stay in there?" I spoke, and Craig glanced at me.

"You're only defending him because you have to, John. I don't have to do anything. Lukas disappeared for two fucking years, and when he comes back, he carries a contagious disease that might end up killing people." He shrugged his shoulders. "Am I the only one that's fucking pissed off right now? If he had stayed put, he wouldn't have fucking caused of it to spread! If he hadn't fucking escaped, the power wouldn't be off across the entire state! Or, I'm sorry, half of the fucking country at this point!" 

"Craig, he didn't fucking know it was contagious!" Tyler shouted, and Craig snapped his gaze back onto him.

"Are you seriously defending him? Why aren't you on my fucking side, Tyler?!" He hissed. We all quieted as the radio suddenly flew off of the counter. 

Lukas lowered his hand, then stood up, and grabbed a piece of paper. He grabbed a pen, and then started writing. We stared in silence, and even Jay walked over to examine. 

When he stopped, he stumbled backwards and held his head. "Fuck!" He shouted, obviously in pain, and blood started dripping down his nose. 

"Lukas, are you okay?" I quickly stood up, and before I could walk over to him, Craig grabbed my arm and pointed at the paper. I glanced at it, and I felt my mouth go dry.

_messenger_  
messenger  
messenger  
messenger  
messenger  
messengeR  
messENGER  
MESSENGER  
MESSENGER  
MESSENGER  
 **MESSENGER**

"Messenger. What the heck does that mean?" I glanced at Lukas, who rapidly shook his head. Tears were streaming down his face. 

"I don't know!"

"It's obvious!" Craig shouted, and I tore my arm away from him. "Messenger. Duh! He's the fucking messenger, and the disease was a message! He's spreading a fucking message that's going to kill us all!" 

"Craig, your incessant theories aren't helping anyone! Shut the fuck up, god damn!" Tyler was obviously pissed off, and Craig walked up to him, then pushed him.

"Craig, what the fuck, dude!?" My eyes widened a bit as I spoke and Tyler seemed surprised. 

"If you're not going to fucking listen to me, then you don't care." Craig spat, and we all stared in silence.

"Craig, what are you talking about?" Tyler's voice was quiet. "Of course I care about you! But you're being unfair here. Lukas didn't mean any harm, baby, you're just not listening to me-" Craig shook his head.

"It's obvious you don't care about me, or about our relationship. It's obvious you never did." Craig practically growled, his words venomous. "You never pay attention to me. You never believe in me."

This was a bunch of bullshit, and I knew it. Tyler loved Craig more than anything and was always listening to him. He was all he ever talked about. "Craig, I love you! I'm in love with you! Where is this coming from? I'm sorry, I'll treat you better, I promise. But please, this one topic, you aren't listening.." 

"I fucked Ryan last week." Craig offered with a shrug of his shoulders. "We're over. Goodbye, Tyler. I hope you catch the disease and fucking die." 

Tears streamed down Tyler's face and he gripped onto the counter, trying to stable himself. "Craig.. you're joking, right? You can't be serious?" 

Craig shook his head. "You're a weak piece of shit, and I can't believe I wasted four years of my life with you."

He started making his way to the door, but before he did, he glanced back and glared at Lukas. "You're a terrible fucking person, Lukas." 

"Leave, Craig." I muttered, and Craig turned back around and left, slamming the door behind him.

The rest of the room was swathed in silence, before Tyler slammed the counter with his fist. "I can't.. fucking believe him," He whispered.

"Craig just proved himself to be the biggest dickhead in the history of dickheads," I murmured, glancing at Tyler. "I'm so sorry, man." 

He shook his head. "It's.. it's fine. I mean, it's not, and I hate him, but I still love him. I'll get over it soon, I guess. That's how it goes." He wiped tears off of his face, then glanced at Lukas. "We've got bigger matters to worry about."

Lukas was shaking as he gripped onto the handle of the fridge. I quickly walked over to him and wrapped my arms around him, and he collapsed against me. "It's alright, baby. You're fine, it's fine, everything's going to be fine, okay?" 

He shook, and I glanced over to see Tyler hand the glass of water to Jay again. He thanked him before he started drinking.

The door soon opened and Scotty and Marcel came running inside. Marcel shut the door and Scotty stopped in front of us. "What the fuck happened? Craig came to our apartment talking about how Tyler just broke up with him and that Lukas attacked John and none of that made any sense," He panted a bit. Marcel stopped besides him, staring at us with furrowed eyebrows.

Jay glanced at them. "Lukas' disease is contagious, so Craig got pissed off. Lukas wrote a message on that piece of paper and almost passed out. Then Craig broke up with Tyler and left." He explained, and Marcel walked over to me and Lukas.

"His bandages need to be replaced," I explained, and Marcel nodded. 

"I'll help him. You're fine with that, right, Lukas?" He glanced over at Lukas, who nodded. I helped Marcel take him, and they walked off to the living room, where the supplies from last night were still sitting. Scotty walked over to Tyler, and wrapped his arms around him in a hug. Tyler hugged him back, and soon broke into tears.

I left the two to themselves as I walked over to Jay, who was staring at the floor with a frown on his face. "Hey, you alright, man?" I asked, frowning.

Jay shrugged as he replied. "Pretty sure I've gotten whatever Lukas has. It's fine, though, because at least I can sort of treat it. When Lukas was first given it, they just observed. That's all they ever do." 

"Can we at least call it something? I'm tired of referring to 'it' as 'it'," I complained a bit, frowning.

"What are we supposed to call it?" He chuckled a bit. "Purple-lungs?" 

"Anything is better than it it," I murmured. "Buttercup, what do we call your disease!?" I soon shouted, causing Lukas and Marcel to glance over at me. I could barely see them from where they were sitting on the couch, but I definitely heard Lukas' response.

"Pussy!" He replied, and Jay and I laughed. I rolled my eyes, then glanced at Jay again.

"What about the Purple Plague? It's a sickness, and it's.. purple?" He shrugged. I hummed,

"It's not that bad. What about Purple Plague!?" I shouted to Lukas, and he quickly responded.

"Violet Plague sounds cooler."

"Alright, so that's what it's called." Jay confirmed, and I chuckled.

"Can't believe we just named a fucking disease." 

"Yep." He soon started coughing, and I handed him his water. He gratefully took it, then drank it. 

Marcel and Lukas soon walked back into the room. I glanced over as Lukas stumbled to my side, then wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face into my shirt. I chuckled, leaning over and kissing his the top of his head. 

He soon pulled away, and stared at the floor with a frown. "I really am a monster, aren't I?"

"Lukas, no, you're not." I quickly replied, and he sighed.

"I was just the messenger. For a disease. That's going to spread. And kill people. Monsters are capable of that. Good people aren't." He whispered, and I pulled him close to me.

"You didn't know, Lukas. You didn't know."

"And that's just the problem, John." He shook, before he spoke again.

"I didn't know."

 


	8. Chapter 8

**lukas**

 

_one week later_

I am a monster.

If there was ever a doubt in my mind about it, it was now definitely overturned.

John tried telling me I wasn't a monster. He held my face in his hands, and his eyes met mine, and his voice didn't even shake as he told me his words.

_"Lukas, you're not a monster. You're good, baby. You're good."_

What kind of good person does these bad, bad things?

Jay was the first to get it. The first of us, I mean. To get the Violet fucking Plague. What a name, right?

I could do nothing but watch as he slowly started suffering. It was my fault. All my fault. I caused my best friend to catch a disease that could possibly kill him.

But even that monstrous act paled in comparison to what I'd done to my home.

The entire fucking country was in shambles.

And it was all my fault.

_"It's time to say your goodbyes, because it seems the end of times is finally among us. Or, at least, that's the case for the vast majority of Americans. This disease, named the Violet Plague by citizens in the city it originated in, has spread like a wildfire and is taking lives left and right. If you haven't caught it, it is greatly advised to stay inside at all times. Board up your windows. Fresh air is bad air- it travels through everything. Only leave if you absolutely have to. Because the power outage has spread throughout the whole country, we're still uncertain if it has spread to Canada or Mexico. However, our best guess, is that it definitely has."_

The whitecoat's were planning the end of the world, and I was just the pebble they tossed into the water. It was just a test. To see if it would work. And my ripples affected everyone. But I sank down, and the shit never left. I was submerged in it. But it wasn't killing me.

Why, oh why, couldn't it just kill me?

That's all I wanted to know.

I just wanted my time to be over. I'd spent enough time on the stupid planet. I'd done enough damage. I wasn't about to go and off myself, but I didn't think I deserved existence anymore.

I mean, I  _was_ a monster.

John's thick, baggy jumper hung loosely around my thin frame as I sat on the edge of his-  _our_ bed. It was early in the evening, and the boys were downstairs talking, or taking care of themselves, or.. I didn't know. I didn't care, either.

Quiet knocking on the door caused me to pick my head up and glance over at it. John walked in with a little smile. "Hey, buttercup."

"Hi, phoenix. Don't come near me. You're going to get sick." Despite my protests, he walked over and wrapped his arms around me, then kissed the top of my head. As badly as I wanted to push him away, to tell him I might hurt him, I melted into his embrace. "John, what did I say?"

"Well, you don't seem to mind that much," He chuckled as he pulled away, and I sighed.

"Just 'cause I like your hugs doesn't mean you should be giving them to me." I shook my head, glancing up at him.

"Well, what about kisses?" He smiled and leaned down, then kissed me, and I- of course- kissed him back.

He pulled away, and I took a breath before reaching my arm up and pulling his face back towards mine, reconnecting our lips. He chuckled a little, and after a while, I pulled away. "Uh, yeah. Same rule for kisses, too." I murmured, and he only grinned.

"Ah, my bad, loser." He sat down next to me, and then wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me against him. "What were you doing up here?"

"Nothing much," I murmured. "Just thinking." Yep. Thinking about how terrible of a person I am.

"About..?" He questioned, and made no attempt to reply, just bit my lip and stared at the floor. After a few moments of silence, he spoke again. "Lukas, love, you've gotta stop thinking that way. It's doing more harm than it is helping."

" _I'm_ doing more harm, John," I whispered, and couldn't stop the tears from making their way down my face. As they did, I broke out into a cough- which, at this point, was the usual- and he rubbed my back.

"Lukas, don't say that." One of his hands reached up and started playing with my hair, and I rested my head on his shoulder as I cried.

"It's true, John. It's true, and you know it. I shouldn't be here. I'm so sorry, I'm such a- such a fuck-up." I choked words out, and his grip on me tightened. "Craig- Craig hates me, and he has every reason to. I'm a monster, John. I'm a monster. I'm a monster, I'm a monster, I'm a- I'm a  _monster._ " I kept repeating the phrase, over and over, insisting that I was a monster. Because I was. I was nothing more but a monster. Maybe I was a little more human than most monsters, but that didn't change a damn thing.

"Craig's an asshole. He's wrong. I love you. I love you so much, Lukas. Please, don't think that way. You're not a monster. You're a god damn miracle, Lukas." John's voice was the only thing that could calm me down. Usually his  _words_ would, but they couldn't.. not when he didn't realize the lies he was spilling.

"I'm so sorry, John. I'm so sorry. I made you- I made you think I was something I'm not. I'm so- so- so-" I struggled to catch my breath, and he quickly pulled away to look at me.

"Breathe, Lukas. Hey, breathe. Baby boy-"

I broke down even harder as those words left his lips, and I fell into his grip again. "Lukas, baby, I'm so sorry this is happening. I love you so much. You can fight this. I know you can. I believe in you."

"Stop believing in me, John. Please."

Suddenly he pulled away again, and I stared at him to see tears trailing down his own face. "Never. I'm never going to not believe in you, Lukas. You hear me? I have hope, Lukas. I have hope. Maybe that's all we need. We just need a little more hope, Lukas. Okay?"

"It's not okay. Hope is bullshit, John. Please. Let go of me. It'll be so much easier when I leave," My words came out as a whisper, and he pulled me close to him again.

"I'm never letting go of you again, Lukas. Not until we're old and gray." He whispered back to me, and I started shaking.

I'm sorry, John.

I have to leave.

I'm so fucking sorry.

"O-Okay." I stuttered, and the word tasted bitter on my tongue. It was one word. One syllable. And it was the strongest lie I'd ever told. "Okay," I repeated, and I felt like throwing up.

Where did we go wrong? When did I stop making promises, and start lying?

He pulled away from me, and gently traced his fingers down my cheek. I stared at his face. Puffy eyes, red nose, pink cheeks, and-

John suddenly pulled away from me and turned away, then broke out into a cough.

Oh.

Oh, no.

"J-John?" I quickly spun him back around and his eyes immediately averted from mine. But that's not where mine were focused. No, they were focused on the blood droplets that had collected all over his arm.  _"John?"_

I felt like screaming. I felt like screaming until my lungs bled, until my throat was torn to pieces, until my eyes couldn't possibly produce any more tears. I felt like punching something, until it was shattered to pieces, and my knuckles were bloodied, bruised, and broken. I felt like pulling on my hair, until all of it ripped out, and fell to the floor around me. I felt like clenching my fits until my nails dug into the palms of my hands, causing them to bleed.

I felt like a monster.

"Lukas, I'm fine-"

"You're not fine!" My voice was sharp, and loud, and it didn't at all match how I felt. Although it did. It really fucking did. He couldn't sit there and pretend like he was fine. No, he couldn't. It was so unfair. It was such bullshit. "That's bullshit, John. You're not fucking fine!"

"Lukas, calm down. Please."

"No! You're- you're sick, John! And it's my fault. It's all my fault. You're sick. Why didn't you tell me? John?"

He was staring at the floor, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Because I knew you would blame yourself. It's not your fault."

"You can't  _fucking_ sit there and tell me it's not my fault, John!" I stood up, digging my hands into my hair and resisting the urge to start pulling all of it out. "You can't fucking do that, John!"

"But.. it's not your fault," John's voice was quiet, and small, and broken, and defeated, and it only pissed me off more.

"Then who's fault is it!?" I was yelling, and I hated yelling. I hated it so much. But it was all I could do. It was the only thing I could do to tell him how sorry I was. I was so sorry. I'm sorry, John. John. I'm so sorry. Sorry. That's all I was. That's all I ever was. I was always apologizing. 'Cause I was always fucking up. I was a fuck-up.

Fury spread throughout me, and I held myself back from punching a hole in the fucking wall. It was so tempting. It really fucking was.

"The whitecoats," He whispered, and-

"FUCK!" I quickly drew my hand away from the wall, staring at the large dent I had made in it.

"Lukas.."

"I'm so sorry," I sobbed, and fell to my knees. "I'm so fucking sorry."

His arms wrapped around me, and as badly as I wanted to push him away, to tell him he didn't deserve me, I didn't. I was too selfish. I craved his love too much.

He rubbed my back, and I sobbed harder. My knuckles had waves of pain coursing through them, but I almost couldn't feel it. No, I could only feel my dissipating anger and the rich waves of sadness that were attacking my heart. The sobs that came out of me were harsh, and loud, and ugly, but I didn't try to stop them.

We sat there for who knows how long, with me just sobbing into him. After a while, I was quiet again, and I pulled away from him. He immediately leaned forward and kissed me, and I kissed him back. When we pulled away, I rested my forehead against his.

"I love you, Lukas."

"I love you too, John."

Eventually, we parted again, and he grabbed my hand. I winced slightly as his finger brushed against my knuckle, and he immediately apologized. "Oh, shit. I'm sorry, love."

"It's okay," I murmured, chuckling a bit, and he frowned.

"That's bad. Let's go downstairs and bandage it up, okay?" He stood up, helping me up with him. I nodded, and we walked downstairs together, my left hand holding his right.

"Hey, guys! Where are the bandages?" As we walked into the kitchen, the room grew silent. At the table, four people sat. Anthony, Ryan, Tyler, and Scotty. Tyler and Scotty looked equally tired, Anthony looked confused, and Ryan looked pissed.

"What.. happened here?" I asked, and Scott sighed.

"Finally explained what happened with Craig. Ryan and Anthony assured Tyler that Craig wasn't a cheating bitch- at least, he didn't cheat with Ryan- and.. yeah." He rubbed his temples. "We could ask you the same question, though, boys. We heard yelling."

I lifted my injured hand and sighed. "I got angry and punched a wall."

"Jesus, Lukas. Marcel!" Scotty instantly stood up and Marcel ran into the room, holding Luka in his hands.

"Yeah babe? Oh shit, Lukas you dumb fuck." His gaze immediately landed on my hand and he gently put Luka down on the floor. "Go sit at the table, I'll go get the shit."

This was becoming an all-too-familiar routine. I sat down at the table with a sigh, and John sat next to me.

"Okay, well, why were you angry?" Anthony glanced at me and I bit my lower lip before replying.

"Ask John."

"Alrighty then." Anthony held his hands up in surrender, and Tyler glanced at John.

"John?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I.. uh.. I'm sick." John sighed. "Like, um.. the.. the Plague.. I have it."

"Why didn't you tell any of us?" Scott asked, and I watched as John shrugged.

"I didn't want to worry anyone," He replied, and I rolled my eyes.

"Well that worked out great, didn't it?" I muttered, and Scotty lightly smacked my arm. 

"Shut up, Reed," He said, and I huffed. "Your boyfriend is trying his best. However, John, Lukas has a point. You should've told us."

John sighed. "I know. I just.."

"No, it's whatever, we're past that now." Tyler murmured, shaking his head. "But we've got to take care of you."

"That's the part I was hoping wouldn't be mentioned." John chuckled a bit.

"He hates being babied," I murmured, glancing over at him with a knowing smile. "Unless it's by me, of course."

"Oh fuck you, Lukas." He shook his head, and I laughed. Marcel soon came into the room with more medical crap and sat on the chair on the other side of me.

"Alright, give me your hand." He ordered, and I quickly did so. He started cleaning it, and I tensed a bit. I've dealt with worse, but that definitely still hurt. John leaned over and kissed my cheek, and I felt my face heat up a little.

"Your blush is still the cutest thing in the world," He murmured, chuckling a bit, and my face probably grew redder.

"John, fuck off," I laughed a bit, and he smiled.

"Oh, you love it."

"You're right," I leaned in and kissed him, and he kissed me back.

"Alright, knock it off with the cute coupley shit. Nobody needs an overdose of feels here, guys." Ryan spoke, and John pulled away from me with a smile on his face.

I glanced back over at my hand, and saw that Marcel was already bandaging it. "Thanks, Marcel," I murmured, and he nodded.

"Of course, man." He smiled, and quiet coughing was heard as someone walked into the room.

"Lukas, what'd you do this time?" Jay's voice grabbed my attention and I glanced over at him as he sat down. He looked exhausted, and drained, and I felt guilt poke at my heart.

"Punched a wall," I murmured, and smiled as Jay chuckled a bit.

"You're awfully intelligent," He grinned, rolling his eyes. Tyler glanced over at him.

"You alright, Jay? Feeling any better?"

"Actually, I think I might be. Getting better, I mean." Jay sat up a bit as his eyes met Tyler's.

"Well shit dude, that's great!" Tyler smiled and Jay nodded, a small smile of his own on his lips. I narrowed my eyebrows a bit, and John nudged me.

"Why are you staring at them like that?" He asked, frowning.

"Shh." I replied.

"Yeah. Not like, a hundred percent or anything, but I've definitely been worse." Jay murmured.

"Well, I'll be here to take care of you, man." Tyler reached over and rested his hand on Jay's shoulder, and Jay smiled, averting his eyes.

"Oh, uh, th-thanks."

"Hey, how's your.. power.. thingy? You haven't done it in a while 'cause of the whole sickness thing, right? We can practice. There's a ball over there." Tyler pulled away and pointed to a ball on the opposite end of the room, and Jay slowly blinked.

"Wait, you actually paid attention to me?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Of course I did. You're my friend. And I mean, I've only known you for about a week, but.. you're a good guy. I can tell." Tyler glanced over at Jay, smiling.

"Oh. Oh, uh- uhm. Yeah. You're uh, cool, too." Jay stuttered a bit, and awkwardly ran his fingers through his hair. I rolled my eyes and glanced at John, grinning.

"That's why I was staring at them like that." I murmured, and he blinked.

"What? Oh, wait.. do you-  _oh!_ Wait, we're on the same page, right?"

"Jay's got a crush," I chuckled, and suddenly felt a pair of eyes on me. I glanced up to see Jay glaring at me and I threw him a wink, before he shook his head and went back to talking with Tyler.

"But.. Tyler isn't.."

"No no, I know, and he knows that, too. It's just a harmless crush. If it develops, it develops. Jay's not the guy to go hurting Tyler even more." I shrugged as I glanced over at John, and he blinked, then nodded.

"Okay, I believe you." He murmured, and I smiled, then glanced over at Marcel as he pulled away.

"You're all good. Just don't go punching any more walls, jackass." He shot me a look and I quickly nodded, putting my hands up in surrender.

"Promise." I murmured, chuckling.

"Good," He replied, then stood up and walked over to Scotty, wrapping his arms around his waist. I smiled a bit.

"Lukas?" John's voice called my name, and I turned to look at him. The sunlight coming through the window cast a patch of light on his face, right over his eyes, and the sight brought butterflies back into my stomach. His pretty, sky blue eyes seemed brighter than ever, and my eyes fluttered down to his lips as he spoke. "I love you."

"I love you too," I murmured, and kissed him with a smile. He kissed me back, and when I pulled away, he gently caressed the side of my face with his hand, his thumb tracing up and down my cheekbone.

"You're beautiful, Lukas." He whispered, and I smiled a little.

"Well, if you think I'm beautiful, you should look in the mirror sometime." I murmured, chuckling. "You might faint at the godlike sight staring back at you."

John softly giggled, and I felt my heart bounce.

This was where I  _belonged._

At home. In his arms. No matter what happened, he'd always hold me. No matter what I did, he would always love me. No matter how terrible I was, he would always forgive me.

John loved me. He absolutely adored me. I was aware of it. I was aware of how frequently I took up his thoughts. I was aware of how I made his heart race, and how I gave him butterflies. I was aware of how I made him feel, and what I made him crave. I was aware of the heartache I could give him, and the pain I could make him feel. He was so, incredibly in love with me.

And that wasn't fair.

I loved him. I was in love with him. I loved him more than he could ever love me.

But he was still in too deep to pull away.

And I was just a monster. I could only hurt him.

I was left with one option.

When you're faced with a problem, what do you do? You try to solve it. Right, well we tried that, and quickly realized I couldn't be fixed. So what's the next best thing?

Getting rid of the problem.

 

•

 

"Goodnight, Lukas." John stared at me as he held me close against him, enveloping me in warmth and love.

"John, wait. Before you fall asleep, I have to say something." I murmured, and he frowned a bit, then blinked.

"Okay, love. I'm listening."

I gently ran my fingers through his hair as I started to speak. "I love you, John. I love you so much. You're never going to understand how much I love you. Just the thought of you makes my heart happy, John. I owe everything to you. I owe everything that I love to you. I owe everything that has made me happy to you. You make me happy, John, and I can't thank you enough. For loving me, even though I make mistakes, and I'm a generally terrible person."

My eyes were watering, so I quickly swallowed, tightening my jaw. Once my jaw started to ache, and I was confident the tears wouldn't leak out, I started speaking again. "You made a tired, broken bud, bloom into a buttercup. And I- I watched you rise from ash, whenever you hit your lowest points. You got up again. You're a phoenix, John Kryoz, and I- I just need you to remember that. Remember that for me, baby boy. Please."

"Lukas..?" John was staring at me with a concerned expression.

"Promise me, John. Promise me that you won't forget it. You're a phoenix. And I love you. I love you so much," I pulled him close to me, and he slowly nodded.

"I promise." I knew he was confused, but he went along with it, for my sake.

"I hope you understand, that everything I've done, and everything I do, and everything I will do.. it's to protect you. It's to protect everyone." I murmured, sniffling slightly. "It's for the better good. Even if it hurts a little. You're sick now. And I'm so sorry for that. I'm not going to get into it again, because I'll probably cry." I trailed my finger down his face, until I gently started tracing the same little section, getting lost in his eyes as he gazed at me with a worried expression.

"But you're going to fight it. Right? You're going to fight it with everything in you, John. And you're going to rise, as the victor. You're going to defeat the- the Violet Plague. What a dumb name. But you're going to win. Promise me, John, that you're going to win."

Even if it was an empty promise, because John had no way of knowing the future, he still promised it. "I promise, Lukas."

"Good. Good, good. I'm so proud of you, baby." I whispered, leaning forward and kissing his forehead. "I'm so proud of you, and who you are. You are such an inspiration. You're a natural-born leader, John. You are so strong. I love you. I love you, John. I'm in love with you. Don't forget that, okay?"

"I- I won't. I never would. Baby, are you alright?"

"I'm fine. I just had to get that out. Goodnight, phoenix." I gazed into his eyes, and he leaned forward, then captured my lips in a kiss. I kept us together, for a while, because I needed his love. Eventually, I pulled away, and he smiled.

"Goodnight, buttercup. I love you."

"I love you too."

I watched as his eyes shut, and I kept playing with his hair. Eventually, his breathing slowed down a bit, and I realized he was asleep. I stared at him for a while, just taking comfort in him, and his warmth.

Then, I slowly and carefully detached myself from his grasp, and quickly rolled out of the bed. I grabbed my backpack, which I had filled with an assortment of things earlier that day, and slung it over my shoulder. I toed my shoes on, then glanced at the blank piece of paper sitting on his desk. I had put it there earlier.

I walked over to it, and grabbed the pen, then started writing. I wrote fast, because there were so many thoughts in my head that I needed to get out. Eventually I dropped the pen and stepped back, not realizing I had started violently shaking until then. Not realizing that my own tears had fallen onto the paper until then. Not realizing the pounding headache I had until then.

I tossed the pen onto the paper and slowly made my way over to John, then stopped at the foot of the bed. I stared at him for a while, wanting to burn the image of him into my brain. Wanting to permanently carve his soft, quiet, tender but pure,  _I love you,_ into my ears, until that was all I could hear, forever. Wanting to let him know I was so, so sorry.

Eventually I tore myself away, but only to lean forward and kiss his forehead.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered as I pulled away, the tears- which had never faulted- coming down even harder. "I'm so fucking sorry. I love you."

It felt like someone took a hot, burning knife and had just sharpened it, then plunged it deep into my heart. Now, they were just twisting, and turning it, making my tears fall harder.

"I'm so sorry that you fell in love with me." I whispered, gently combing my fingers through his hair. I pulled away when he shifted a little, and tried calming myself. "I love you, John. I love you." I kissed his forehead once more, then quickly turned. I walked to the door, and rested my hand on the doorknob.

"Goodbye, phoenix." I murmured, the tears coming down even harder. "I'll miss you."

I opened the door, then shut it quietly behind me. I grabbed my flashlight and turned it on, then quietly tip-toed through the house. I made it to the door when Luka spotted me. He quickly ran over and I bent down, petting him a bit. "I've gotta go, Luka." I murmured, frowning. "Take good care of all our friends, okay boy? Especially John." I kissed the top of Luka's head, before quickly standing up and opening the door. I shut it before Luka could poke his nose out.

I shone the flashlight down the hallway, then quickly started making my way down the stairs. I practically ran down them, and then out through the front doors. I quickly took in a breath, enjoying the fresh air.

However, I didn't enjoy the dead street. The darkness, and the silence, was uneasy. I found my hand travelling to my pocket, where a pocket knife rested, on it's own accord. I shifted my backpack a bit so it rested comfortably on my back, then started walking away. I didn't dare look behind me, because I knew that if I did, I would immediately break into tears and run back inside.

This was the right decision.

It had to be.

I kept walking, my legs leading me. I didn't know where to go. I didn't remember where anything was. Where  _could_ I go? Who would take me in?

Nobody. Nobody would take in a monster.

Suddenly, my surroundings were familiar.

Painstakingly familiar.

I had brought myself to a memory-ridden playground.

As I raked my eyes over it, I felt my breath hitch.

The field directly behind it wasn't just grass anymore.

It was buttercups.

Hundreds and hundreds of buttercups.

I glanced at the ring on my left hand, and suddenly felt my knees give out.

I collapsed on the ground, and broke into tears. I sobbed, loudly bawling into the crispy air. I shook, hard, and found myself struggling to breathe.

I'm sorry, John.

I'm so sorry.


	9. Chapter 9

**john**

 

_to my love,_

_i'm sorry for leaving. but i think this is the right decision. i know you love me, but i also know you can't see the damage i'm causing. i'm hurting you, john. i'm tainting you. my disease has spread. it has already started taking effect on your body. please don't let it get to your heart, or your brain. because you are the smartest, most compassionate person i know._

_i know you're probably pissed, and you're hurting. but please don't come looking for me. let fate take control of this one thing, okay love? if it's meant to happen, then we'll find each other again, when i've finally changed. when i've finally managed to rid myself of the chains tearing into my skin, making me the terrible person that i am. when i can kiss you, and do more good, than i do bad._

_i understand if you hate me for this. i'll be glad, if you do, because then you'll finally realize how much of a monster i am._

_i hope you know how hard this is for me. all i want to fucking do is hold you, and rest in your warmth, and sleep peacefully, knowing i am loved. knowing i am cared for. but i know i shouldn't, because then i'll only hurt you. you and our friends. the only people i care about._

_john, my family doesn't even know i'm alive._

_i'm sorry if you can barely read this. i have to leave quickly. or else i might be caught._

_tell the guys i'm sorry, too. i never wanted it to end this way._

_anyways,_

_stay strong for me, phoenix._

_have hope._

_and maybe, just maybe, i'll find my way back._

_i love you._

_-lukas_

Over, and over, and over, and over, and over, I read his note.

Over, and over, and over, and over, and over, I cried.

He had told me goodbye, before he left, and I hadn't even realized it. His random, middle of the night confession, that I had just dusted off as 'he's worried.' No. It was his own goodbye. He wanted to be able to say he loved me one last time.

The love of my life was a fucking idiot. 

He had convinced himself he was so bad, and that he was a monster. It would never have mattered how many times I tried to tell him otherwise, because it was engraved in his mind. Lukas was extremely stubborn on those matters, and no amount of persuasion seemed to ever change his mind.

He thought that, to solve the problem, he had to leave. And he was wrong. He was incredibly wrong.

I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that he was gone.

Lukas was gone.

How achingly familiar was that sentence?

I had woken up hours ago, at this point, and just spent my time thinking over everything.

Now I had to tell them.

I grabbed the piece of paper and walked to my door, ignoring the tears that were streaming down my face. 

I made my way down the stairs and then walked into the kitchen. Scotty and Marcel had stayed the night, and it looked like they were making food. Jay and Tyler were at the table, playing cards, and Brian and Brock- who came over earlier, I guess- were watching them with smiles. 

"I'm going to shoot something." I muttered as I walked into the room, slamming the paper on the counter. Everyone turned and glanced at me. "Or someone."

"Jesus, John, you're a fucking wreck. What happened?" Brian spoke softly, obviously concerned.

"Lukas. Lukas happened," I murmured, and started crying harder. "He left."

"What?" Tyler asked, staring at me.

"He left. He fucking left. He walked out. I don't know where he is. I don't know what to do. He's gone. Lukas is gone," I choked out, already shaking again. "He's fucking gone."

Scotty reached over and grabbed the letter, then quietly read it. "What the fuck? Why would he do that?" He asked, putting it down.

"Cause he thought he was making things worse," I murmured, running my fingers through my hair and trying to calm my breathing.

"Okay, so when are we going to look for him?" Jay asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't.. know where he could be," I coughed into my arm, frowning. Jay blinked.

"Well, that's why I said look for him. Not find him." He shrugged, and glanced over at Tyler, who looked to be deep in thought. "Tyler?"

"Huh?" He picked his head up and glanced at Jay. "I'm sorry, I got lost in thought. What?"

"We're trying to figure out when we're going to look for Lukas." He pushed his glasses up his nose a bit and glanced back at me. Brock cleared his throat,

"Shouldn't we tell the rest of the guys?" He asked, and Brian sighed.

"I'll go get them. Someone come with me?" He stood up, and Scotty walked over to him. 

"I got you, man."

"Alright. We'll be back with the rest of the guys in a few." Brian grabbed a flashlight and then walked out with Scotty.

I sat down at the counter and sighed. Marcel soon placed a glass of water in front of me with a frown. "Drink." He spoke, his voice gentle but firm.

"Okay," I sighed, and lifted the glass to my lips. I took a few sips of the water before placing it down again and glancing over at Tyler.

"Um, so.. looking for Lukas. Fuck. We just got him back," Tyler rested his elbows on the table and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked so exhausted, and I felt terrible.

"Yeah." I replied, biting my lower lip. "Yeah, we did. We have to get him back again. We have to." 

"We're going to," Jay murmured, tapping his fingers against the table. He frowned a bit, then sighed. "But we have to have a plan. Like who's going to look for him, and where we're going to go, and how the fuck we can stay in contact." 

"Okay, well obviously I'm going," I murmured.

"John, you just got sick." Marcel spoke, not looking away from what he was doing. "It's not a good idea for you to go out." 

"I don't care if it's a good idea or not, Marcel," I replied, frowning. "I'm going to go find him."

"Well, I'm making everyone who's going take some supplies. I actually might have to go, in case one of you gets hurt." He paused and glanced up, frowning.

"What about if someone gets hurt here?" Brock asked, blinking. The door opened and the guys walked in as Marcel responded.

"Delirious is good with wounds," He spoke as he went back to working. "He should be able to take care of things if someone gets hurt."

"What about me?" Del asked as him and the rest of the guys stopped in the middle of the room. Luka ran in from the living room and bounced around excitedly. He chuckled and bent down, then scooped him up and pet him.

"You're good at medical shit, apparently?" I asked, glancing over at him. He nodded.

"Yeah, I know some things. Why?" He frowned, and Evan wrapped an arm around his shoulders. 

"Can we talk about why we were brought here?" Evan asked, frowning. "Where's Lukas?" 

"Gone." Jay answered, and all the guys immediately looked at him. "He left."

"What? Why would you guys let him leave?" Lui furrowed his eyebrows as he racked his gaze over each of us, then settled it on me. "John?"

"He left in the middle of the night." I muttered. "Everyone was asleep. We had no way of knowing this was going to happen." 

"Okay, so what do we do now?" David asked, frowning. 

"Some of us go out and look for him." Scotty replied, walking back over to Marcel to help him.

"Okay, well who's going out?" Del asked.

"I am, uh.. I don't know who else is." I shrugged, frowning. 

"I'll go," Evan murmured, stepping forward a bit.

"Wait, what? Evan, you might get hurt." Delirious frowned, glancing over at Evan.

"Which is why either I'm going, or you are, Del." Marcel paused to glance over at him. "We're the only ones who really know anything about wounds and stuff."

 "I mean, I don't know as much as you, Marcel." Del spoke. "I'd prefer to go, but.. they'd be safer with you there." 

"Okay, so I'll go, then. You stay here, in case anyone here gets hurt." Marcel nodded, and went back to working.

"I'm going," Jay said.

"So am I." Tyler quickly replied.

"I'll go, too." Brian murmured.

"Okay, wait, slow down." I blinked. "So.. me, Evan, Marcel, Jay, Tyler, and Brian are going, so far."

"I'll go, too." Ryan piped up. 

"That makes.. seven people going. So Anthony, David, Lui, Scotty, Brock, and Delirious are staying here, right?" I looked around the room.

"Yeah. Damn, John, I guess your math isn't suck anymore." Tyler chuckled, and I couldn't help but laugh a bit.

"Okay. When are we leaving?" Brian asked, running his fingers through his hair.

"Best decision is for us to get some good food in, then get a nice amount of sleep, and leave first thing tomorrow morning." Marcel stepped away from the counter and walked over to the sink, turning the faucet on. "It'd be so much fucking easier to actually make food if we had shit that wasn't canned, and the power turned back on."

We all stayed quiet for a little, staring at the lights in a stupid, blind hope. When nothing happened, Brock spoke up.

"I can't believe literally all of us just stared at the lights expecting something to happen," He murmured, and we all laughed.

"At least they didn't shut the pipes off," Scotty said, glancing over at Marcel. "God. That would've been chaos." 

"Yeah, but they shut literally everything else off." Marcel grumbled, sighing. "Oh well."

"If I'm being honest, the lack of internet makes me really sad." Lui murmured. "Like, think about the amazing amount of end of the world memes that would've been made." 

We laughed, and suddenly Luka started barking. "Luka. Luka, come here, boy." I stood up and patted my legs, and Luka promptly sat down, growling at the fridge.

"John, is your dog possessed?" David chuckled a bit, and I was about to reply, when a loud, annoying  _beep_ stopped me. I straightened, and we all glanced around, trying to figure out where the noise was coming from.

"No fucking way," Tyler muttered, and I glanced at him. He lifted a finger and pointed to the microwave. Blinking, I turned to look at it, and realized it was on.

"What.. the fuck?" Del spoke, and Evan quickly reached over to the light switch, then flipped it on. Sure enough, the lights came on.

"Holy shit," I muttered, and glanced at Marcel. "Dude!"

Marcel shrugged. "Don't look at me. I don't know why it came back on, but I'm grateful. Y'all have any canned shit that can be heated?" He quickly went over to the pantry and started looking through it. "Oh, this pasta hasn't expired yet. How's that sound for lunch, boys?" 

A unanimous cheer answered Marcel's question.

I glanced over at Jay, who was staring at the table with a worried expression. "Jay, dude, you alright, man?" 

"I'm fine." Jay sighed, then glanced at me. "I'm just thinking. The white-coats shut the power off, right? So they'd have to turn it back on."

"Yeah..?" I frowned a bit. "Why would they turn it back on?" 

"They turned it off once Lukas and I escaped." Jay's voice grew quieter, and Tyler spoke.

"So they turned it back on if.." He stopped.

"If they got him back," I finished.

"I really hope that's not the case, but.. it makes sense, doesn't it?" Jay bit his lower lip, glancing at Tyler as he started speaking.

"But you're still here. Why would they turn the power back on if they didn't have the both of you?" He asked, frowning a bit.

"Lukas was the only one of us who displayed having powers," Jay replied, adjusting his glasses. "They had no idea I had powers, too." He then paused, frowning a bit. "Okay, well actually, I totally made some white-coat fly against the wall.. but he was the only guy who watched it happen, and he probably assumed Lukas did it, anyways." 

Tyler chuckled a bit as Jay explained what he did to the white-coat, and I bit my lip. "Okay.. so are we assuming that they took Lukas back to the la-"

"THE INTERNET HAS RETURNED!" Delirious' loud screaming interrupted me, and we all turned to look at him. He had his laptop in his hand, and a huge grin on his face. "IT WORKS!"

I rolled my eyes with a small smile and glanced back over at Tyler and Jay. "Um, as I was saying.. are we assuming he's at the lab?"

Jay frowned. "I don't know. I feel like that's too obvious," He murmured. "I know where it's at. We could find him easily there."

"That's a good point," Tyler muttered. "Can we bring Luka? I mean, he's just a puppy.. but maybe he can catch onto Lukas' scent, or something."

"I mean.. it's possible," I said, glancing over at Luka, who was now laying contently on Evan's lap. "It seemed like he noticed something was up with the electricity before it even came back on."

"Okay, so we're bringing him with, then?" Jay asked, and I nodded as I glanced back at them. 

"Yeah, but we should probably bring a backpack to put him in. He's going to get tired of walking eventually." I frowned.

"Are we like, bringing weapons? Now that the power's back on, people are going to be outside again. They're going to go to stock up on food. Yeah, we're not supposed to go outside.. but in this situation, people are bound to do it. But what I'm saying, is that we don't know if we can trust anyone anymore." Tyler raised an eyebrow, and I sighed.

"Where the fuck do we get weapons?"

"What about weapons?" Evan walked over to us, carrying Luka in his arms. 

"We should probably bring weapons." Jay murmured, tapping the table again.

"Oh. I can get some." Evan replied, all calmly.

"What?" Tyler furrowed his eyebrows.

"Yeah. Guns and knives and shit, I can get that." He nodded.

"Should we be concerned..?" I asked, a little worried because apparently, Evan had connections.

"Oh, no. I just, uh, know people." Evan smiled. "Anyways, I can go get that sorted out right now."

"I think we'd all feel a lot more comfortable if someone went with you," Tyler murmured, and Evan sighed.

"Ugh, okay. John, do you want to come with? You haven't drove in a while, and Belle's going to end up not turning on again if you keep ignoring her." Evan glanced at me, and I shrugged.

"Yeah, sure, I guess. I mean, you're right, but would the pick-up be better? It's got more room." I stood up, glancing at Evan, who then fixed his gaze away from me as he thought.

"Uh, no. Belle should be fine. Also, that pick-up of yours is the  _most_ suspicious looking car I've ever seen in my entire life." He chuckled a bit, and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"It's fucking blue, you cunt. What's suspicious about a blue pick-up truck?" I immediately defended my truck, crossing my arms over my chest. Evan laughed,

"John, it's like, fifteen fucking years old," He murmured. "Not to mention, it looks like it's going to fall apart at any minute."

"You look like you're going to fall apart at any minute," I grumbled, and laughed a bit as Evan laughed.

"Okay, come on, you bitch. Let's go." Evan murmured, and we told the guys where we were going, before we headed out. It was strange to see the lights back on in the hallways.

We quickly made our way outside. As we stepped out of the doors, I immediately noticed the incredible amount of people. It seemed normal, like how it always was, and that everything was okay. For a small span, of about two seconds, everything was okay. Then I realized how tense and panicked they all looked, and with a sigh, I walked over to the white impala that awaited me. Evan followed me and I grabbed my vape pen out of my pocket, then vaped as I got in the car. "Fuck," I muttered as I moved it away from my lips and put it back in my pocket. "I've got a terrible headache."

"Vape your way out of the ape. Or- fuck, ache." Evan fucked up his words and a loud laugh came out of my mouth.

"Fucking ape?  _Ape?_ Out of all the ways you could have fucked that up-" I laughed as I started the car, and Evan quickly interrupted me, although he was laughing as well.

"Shut up, John, like you're any better." He murmured, rolling his eyes.

"Del really is rubbing off of you, huh?" I raised an eyebrow with a smile, and I quickly pulled out of where I had parked.

"Yeah.. something like that," Evan chuckled, and I rolled my eyes.

"Ew. Don't need to know about your sex life."

"Lukas literally took you by the arm and essentially boasted about fucking you last week, before he even did it," Evan turned to look at me and I chuckled awkwardly. "So you can't talk shit."

"Whatever, fuck you anyways. Where are we going?" I changed the subject and Evan started explaining where to go. I turned the radio on and we talked as I drove.

"Wonder what's happening on the internet right now," Evan murmured as he glanced down at his phone. "So far I'm on twitter and the number one thing on trending is  _hashtag internet_ , with  _end of the world_ at second." 

"Figures they're more excited about the internet being back then everyone and everything dying because of a disease," I laughed a bit and Evan nodded.

"I mean, you can't really blame 'em. Think about the clickbait, man." He laughed and so did I as I made a left turn.

"I have the cure to the violet plague? Not clickbait, a hundred percent real, gone wrong?" I joked, and he only laughed harder.

"Oh, shit. We're already here," Evan spoke suddenly as I drove past a huge, stone building.

"I don't like the way that looks," I frowned, glancing over at him.

"It's fine, just wait in the car and I'll go get the shit." He murmured. I parked the car in front of the building, and unlocked it so he could get out.

"Okay, just don't die, please?" I chuckled, and he nodded as he opened the door.

"Yeah yeah, I'll be fine. Wait here." He shut the door and jogged to the front doors of the building. He soon opened them up, and then walked inside.

Well, shit.

I grabbed my phone with a sigh, and started scrolling through Twitter. It was funny to see all of the memes, but it was also saddening to see the effect the disease had. At this point, it was already making it's way to the other half of the world. I quickly sent out a tweet.

**hey, guys! wow, past week and a half has been pretty shitty. i'm fine, though, if anyone actually cares enough to want to know. this plague fucking sucks, amirite? ha,,hah. oof.**

How awkward was it that I was tweeting about the plague when it had started in my city, and I was directly correlated to it? 

Whoops.

Loud banging on the car window scared the shit out of me and I jumped, then glanced over to see Evan with a bag in his hands. I unlocked the car and he opened the back door, then tossed the bag in. "Got the goods," He cheered, and then opened the passenger door, and slid in. I quickly drove off, frowning a little.

"I'm still extremely concerned as to how and why you're capable of retrieving weapons," I murmured, and Evan chuckled.

"Don't worry about it."

The drive back to the apartment was quiet, but it was a comfortable silence. Evan stayed on his phone and would share jokes with me that he saw, and I focused on driving, although I got lost in my thoughts quite often. I couldn't stop thinking about Lukas, and how afraid I was for him.

Eventually, though, we pulled up in front of the apartment and quickly walked inside. When we walked in, the guys were still mostly in the kitchen, although a few of them migrated to the living room to play video games, now that the power was back on. 

I poured myself a glass of water, then walked into the living room and sat down on one of those big, fluffy sac chair things. I didn't know what they were called. I glanced over at Jay and Tyler, who were sitting next to each other and watching- or playing- something on Jay's laptop. I watched as Jay soon rested his head on Tyler's shoulder, and Tyler's face grew a little red. I chuckled, and then looked over at the boys near the TV, who were playing Mario Kart and yelling.

Nothing was okay, and everything was going to shit.

But right now, maybe we could pretend that it was okay.

Just for a little bit.


	10. Chapter 10

**lukas**

 

It's funny, the way things work out.

Except it really isn't.

The reason I was here was because of someone I never thought I'd see again.

Luke. His name was Luke. He was an asshole while I was still in school.

And apparently, three years hadn't done much to change him.

Eight hours had passed since I broke down at the park. Six hours had passed since I ran into Luke- or more like since he ran into me. Purposely. Five hours have passed since he dragged me to this fucking base in the middle of who knows where.

Four hours I have sat in this white-walled fucking room, strapped to this bony, wooden ass chair, left to do nothing but in silence and stare back at the white-coats who gazed at me with terrified expressions.

It was funny. Luke brought me to them thinking he'd be rewarded. They pushed him in the room with me. He's been doing nothing but punching the wall, over and over again, and I was starting to get tired of the sound of blood dripping onto the floor.

"Could you fucking stop?" I spat, my voice surprisingly cold as I glared at Luke. He lifted his head and racked his cobra eyes over me with a smirk.

"You speak," He chuckled, then licked his lips. "Stop what?"

"Stop destroying your fucking bones, please." I muttered, not at all amused. "It's annoying."

Luke frowned, then eventually stepped away from the wall. I shifted as much as I could in my restraints, itching to get out of this uncomfortable position. He sat down in front of me, crossing his legs. "I'm fuckin' bored."

"Yeah, well at least you get to fucking walk." I huffed, groaning a bit as my arm started to cramp. 

"Don't you have magic powers or something?" Luke raised an eyebrow, scratching at his beard. To be honest, it was quite an impressive beard.

"I mean, yeah, but my wrists are tied. I can't use my hands." I murmured, lightly and subconsciously biting my tongue over and over again. 

"You have magic powers and you need your hands to use them?" He chuckled, pulling a knife out of his pocket and flipping it. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, why the fuck did they let him keep it? "That's pretty lame."

"I don't know how else to produce it," I muttered, frowning. "Why do you have a knife?"

"The white-coats are pussies." Luke glanced at me. 

"White-coats? You call them that too?" His statement peaked my interest and I sat up a bit, not that I could really sit up anymore than I originally was due to my restraints.

"Well, I may work for them, but it's not willingly." He replied with a bitter tone, and I titled my head lightly.

"Carry on," I murmured, watching as he pushed himself onto his knees, then stood up and started pacing. He flipped the knife as he walked.

"So when I went batshit crazy on you and Ryan.." Luke's voice quietened as he spoke of Ryan. "I was drugged." 

I stared at him as his grip on the knife seemed to tighten, and his flips became quicker. "What?" I furrowed my eyebrows. That didn't make any fucking sense.

"Earlier that day, when I went to pick up some stuff for the party.. y'know, like the illegal stuff, uh, I was given a drink." He chuckled as he spoke, shaking his head. "Of course, being the naive seventeen year old that I was, I drank it. It fucked me up, completely, and the white-coats were behind it. I don't know what they slipped in the drink, and I don't know exactly what it did to me. But it made me attracted to you. Not like, sexually, it was.. more of something telling me I needed you. Your name- Lukas- kept repeating in my head, over and over and over, and I couldn't make it stop. Then I saw you and literally couldn't control myself."

Luke soon stopped as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"I think I know what you mean." I murmured. "They've done stuff like that to me. Not exactly, but where these things would just repeat in my mind, and it was physically impossible for me to think of anything else."

Luke gave me a thoughtful nod, before he cleared his throat and continued speaking. "So when I got arrested, the white-coats bailed me out. I didn't think I deserved to leave. I broke my boyfriend's heart and was convinced I had ruined your relationship with John, then hurt you. And Brian. I hurt everyone. I thought I deserved to stay in there. Anyways, the white-coats told me what they had done, and they told me I had failed. I was supposed to take you to them. Had I obtained you, I apparently would have found myself driving you to them. But I didn't. So they tried to exterminate me." 

"Fucking hell," I murmured, watching as Luke took his shirt off. He revealed dozens and dozens of scars that were littered across his abdomen and chest, and as he turned, I noticed a lot over his back, too. 

"Oh, you wanna see the best one?" A dry, humorless chuckle left his throat, and moved his hair- which seemed to have been previously styled, but was now in front of his face- to reveal his right eye. There was a large scar over it, in the shape of an x, and something told me he definitely couldn't use that eye anymore- if it was even still there.

I didn't say anything, just stared at him in shocked silence. He chuckled a little before he spoke again.

"It didn't work. For some reason, my body just wouldn't let me fucking die." Luke slipped his shirt back on and returned to his pacing, flipping the knife. "So they made me work for them. However, I was allowed to live a somewhat normal life. I would give them the people they needed, and obtain whatever objects they needed. And that's how it's been since."

"Are you the bad guy here, Luke?" I questioned, my mouth a bit dry. I cleared my throat and watched as Luke turned to look at me.

"I'm no good guy, Smitty." Luke murmured. I noticed that he hadn't referred to me as Lukas, and although it was simple, I appreciated it. "But I'm not evil. At least, I don't think I am. I'm just doing what I have to do to stay alive."

"Why don't you just escape?" I asked, frowning, which elicited a snort and a roll of his eyes.

He turned his head and pointed to his ear. "They put a chip in me. Right behind my fucking ear."

I slowly frowned, and as he turned to look at me again, his gaze seemed to soften. "Do they.. do that with.."

"Yeah, they do it with everyone." Luke tightened his grip on his knife, then walked over to me. I tensed a bit, and he put his hands up. "Hold on, I'm not going to hurt you."

I slowly relaxed, and he quickly cut at my restraints that bound my wrists together, then stood in front of me. "Do you get migraines?" He asked, to which I nodded. "What side of your head?" 

"My.. right," I murmured, and Luke gave me a look. He sliced the string that attached my arms to the chair, and I quickly reached my hand up. My fingers brushed against the skin on my head behind my ear, and I felt my heart lurch as they grazed against a slight bump. It was tiny. The tiniest little thing I'd ever felt. But it was there.

"Fuck," I muttered. "Are you  _fucking_ kidding me?"

I was furious. I had escaped, and they still knew where I was. They would always know where I was.

Luke bit his lip, then gazed at his knife. "I'll cut it out for you," He offered, and I narrowed my eyes as I stared at him. "And you'll cut mine out. And then we'll figure out how to leave."

"You were willing to throw me into the arms of my enemy only hours ago," I muttered, my voice unexpectedly sharp. "What changed?"

"I have an opportunity to escape." He murmured, his voice cracking slightly as he spoke. To my surprise, I felt waves of pity and guilt start eating away at me. I suppose Luke was fucked up, but.. it wasn't his fault, was it? He was doing everything against his will. He had to do everything they ordered him to do, unless he wanted to die.

All he wanted was to escape, and I knew exactly how he felt. How desperate you can become when you see the slightest possibility of freedom. 

"Please, Smitty." I saw Luke's fists clench, and I was about to speak, before the door quickly opened. He spun around and stood in front of me. "Shit," he whispered. "Your restraints. I'm fucked." 

Yeah, he probably wasn't supposed to cut me out. I slowly reached down and untied the restraints that tied my legs to the chair, and watched as a white-coat approached us. He stopped in front of us, and my eyes widened as I recognized him as the man I had first used my powers against.

Thank fuck, I hadn't killed him.

"Devil, move." The white-coat ordered, obviously addressing Luke. "I need to get to Violet."

I had a new nickname, apparently. When Luke didn't move, the white-coat quickly pushed him aside. His eyes landed on me, and they widened as he realized I was loose.

"Devil! Are you responsible for this!?" He spat, glaring at Luke, but quickly stepping away from me. 

He was afraid of me.

Luke started to visibly tremble, and he parted his lips to speak. "Yes, sir, I'm sor-"

"Get on your fucking knees," I hissed at Luke, trying my best to make my voice sound intimidating. Luke quickly turned and glanced at me, furrowing his eyebrows. I looked at him and sent him a gaze that I prayed said  _just follow my lead._

Luke hesitated for half a second longer before he quickly dropped to his knees. I walked over to him and grabbed him by his collar. "You think someone like him is smart enough to figure out how to free me?" I chuckled, glancing over at the white-coat. I was incredibly uncomfortable, but I knew they would've hurt Luke if they thought he freed me. Right now, he was my only chance at escape, and I was his. 

The white-coat straightened and I noticed a name-tag on his shirt. 

Dr. Streinz.

"Violet, we were not on good terms, the last I recall. If you want our relationship to have any sort of positive progression from this point onward, I highly suggest you let go of Devil." Dr. Streinz seemed to speak confidently, but I saw straight through his facade. In reality, he was petrified. He didn't know what I could do, and that was sure as fuck a good thing, cause I really couldn't do much.

"What'll happen, then, Doc?" I reached over and pulled the knife out of Luke's hand, then played with it. "Would you care if I hurt your boy toy?" I held the blade against his throat, and I felt him tense beside me. Sorry, man.

"Violet," Dr. Streinz' voice wavered as he spoke my name. "Put the blade down."

"Where am I?" I asked, and Dr. Streinz shook his head.

"You know I can't tell you that." He murmured, and I pulled away from Luke, before pushing him on the floor. His eyes met mine and he gave me a small nod before he quickly scrambled away, pretending to be way more scared than he was. I tossed my knife into the air and then held it up there with my hand, watching as it levitated.

"We can play this same game again, Dr Streinz." I spoke, turning the knife so the blade faced him. This dumb act was extremely fucking difficult to play, and it became even harder as fear flashed across his face. "Except this time, I can make sure you don't survive."

"Y-You're thirteen miles away from where Violet picked you up," Dr. Streinz took in a breath as he quickly muttered a response. "In the middle of a forest. I can't tell you anything else."

I started spinning the knife as I slowly twirled my finger, and Dr. Streinz backed up until his back hit a wall. I chuckled, then snapped my fingers, and the knife flew. It landed centimeters away from the side of his neck, as I had directed it to. He stood in frozen fear for a few moments, before quickly running out through the door and locking it. 

I let out a sigh and slumped down into the seat, and Luke glanced at me. "You'd make a good fucking actor," He chuckled, standing up. 

I groaned. "That wasn't easy, at all. Is my nose bleeding? That's the first time I've gotten to move something without actually moving my hands. I just used my fingers."

Luke nodded as I reached up and wiped the blood off from underneath my nose. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at the floor, obviously thinking to himself. Soon, he glanced at me and spoke. "Well, what now?"

"I have no fucking clue," I muttered, resting my head in my hands. My head was pounding and I glanced at Luke. "We should probably get the chips out, right?"

"That.. yeah," He muttered. "You want to go first?"

"No, my head hurts like a motherfucker right now. Let me get yours out." I murmured, sitting up. Luke nodded, then walked to the wall and tore the knife out of it. He then proceeded to walk over and sit in front of me, facing the same direction as I was. He handed me the knife and pointed to where the chip was.

I positioned the blade to the side of the chip, then frowned. "This'll probably hurt, but it shouldn't be too bad, I think." I murmured, and Luke sighed.

"Just hurry up."

I quickly- but carefully- dug the knife into his skin, and he immediately tensed. I cut into it, until the knife met something hard. I cut around the chip, and then used the knife to pull it out. When I did, I became more and more uncomfortable. The thing was small, but it was long as fuck.

"It's out," I muttered, dropping the chip and the small bit of Luke's flesh with it. He quickly sighed in relief.

"That fucking hurt," He muttered, collapsing onto his back. I chuckled. We sat in silence for a few minutes so he could recover. Eventually he sat up again, and glanced at the knife. "Uh.. what now? I mean, we already used it on me, and I can dry off most of the blood, but you're just going to have to live with the fact that the knife is dirty unless you want the chip to stay in you."

I slowly blinked. "I don't fucking care. Just get it out of me."

Luke stood up and cleaned the knife to the best of his ability, before standing behind me. I gripped the chair, and immediately tightened my grip once I felt the knife dig into my flesh. Luke quickly but carefully cut away at my skin, and I soon felt the chip get slowly pulled out. A satisfied grumble alerted me that he was done, and I let out a sigh. "Ow, fuck." 

"Yeah, I know. It's done now, though." He chuckled, and started playing with the knife again. I nervously tapped my knuckles and thought, while also trying to ignore the pain in my head.

"How do we get out of here?" I asked, and Luke shrugged. 

"No fucking idea." He mumbled, and I sighed. "I mean, I know how to get out of the building, but I don't know how to get to that point."

"What are you to the white-coats, Luke?" I suddenly asked, crossing my legs as I glanced at him.

"I do the jobs they don't want to do. The things they don't have time for." He answered. "I'm basically their prisoner. I do jobs and they provide me with food and water."

"Do they respect you?" 

"They didn't at first." Luke put his hands in his pockets, frowning. "But a lot of them do now. I don't have any sort of respect for any of them, but you've gotta play along, right?"

I nodded. "So what if you claimed I attacked you, and you were taking me out to be punished. Would that work?" 

"I.. suppose," Luke muttered, pacing again. "They would want to hurt you, though, for hurting me. And then they'd want me to hurt you back. I.. can't do that."

"Let them hurt me." I murmured, but frowned. "Since when do they hurt people anyways?"

"The virus fucked everything up." He sighed. "I can't believe you spread it."

"How do you know that?" I felt a pang of indignation. Did he think I was responsible? It wasn't really my fault.

"White-coats are stupidly loud when they talk." His chuckle lightly echoed around the room. "They're fucked up, man. I hear them talk about the shit they do. They talked about experimenting on you like it was a fucking pastime." 

I felt bile rise in my throat as he spoke, and he must have noticed, because his gaze softened again as he looked at me. "I won't let them get to you again, Smitty." He murmured.

"You're going to have to let them if you want us to get out of here," I sighed. "If they want to kick my ass for trying to kick yours, you don't stop them. Got it?" 

"You should fight back, then," Luke murmured. 

"That'll be useless. I'll be overpowered and shit." I sighed. "Besides, I should probably try and save as much energy as possible, right?"

"When do we do this? And how?" He leaned against a wall, and I shut my eyes as I leaned against my chair.

"I need to work on my powers," I murmured. "I'd feel a lot more confident if I could get.. better. Somehow. I don't fucking know."

"We'll practice, then. I'll come in and try to help you everyday, until you're confident in your abilities. But everyday, they're going to come in and interrogate you. Everyday, they're going to poke and prod. They might even start the experiments again." Luke sighed, and I blinked my eyes open.

"That's fine. It'll work. We'll be able to get out of here." I sighed. 

"Okay. Yeah, alright." He nodded, and I rubbed my eyes.

"I'm fucking hungry," I sighed. "This sucks."

"They probably won't give you anything but bread and water," Luke explained. "But I'll try and see if I can sneak you shit once in a while. Can I ask you a question?" 

"Go ahead," I murmured, and he spoke.

"Why were you alone in the first place at fucking five in the morning?" 

I felt waves of sadness as I remembered seeing John's face for the last time.

"I left John." I murmured. "In the middle of the night, as he slept, cause I'm a fucking coward. I only bring bad things around. He doesn't need me. None of them need me."

Luke was quiet for a while before he spoke again. "You're fucking idiotic."

"Excuse me?" I glanced at him, and his face was unimpressed as his gaze rested on me.

"John loves you for a reason, Smitty. Your friends care about you for a reason." He shook his head. "You're a good person."

"How do you know that?" I asked, throwing my hands up. "I've been with you for a total of like, six fucking hours, after two and a half years of not seeing you. Time changes people, Luke! I almost killed a guy and could have killed you. I spread a disease that might kill off this entire planet. What makes you so sure I'm a good fucking person!?"

"Because even good people are capable of doing bad things, Smitty." Luke's eyes met with mine, and only then did I realize I had started crying. I quickly rubbed my eyes and sniffled. "You are a good person."

"Tell that to the people who have lost their lives because of a disease that I spread." I whispered, staring at my hands. 

"Someday it'll click, man." Luke stood up and walked over to me. "Someday you'll realize you're not as terrible as you've convinced yourself that you are. For now, though, let's practice your powers." He tossed the knife towards me, and I quickly stopped it with my hand and held it in the air.

"Okay," I mumbled.

For a while, we just went back and forth, him giving me different chances to stop the knife or move it. He suggested ways of going about it, and tried telling me to zone in more on my thoughts, rather than my hands. As the night dragged on, we became aware of white-coats looking in on us. When they asked Luke what the fuck we were doing, he convinced them that it was a game that worked on trust, and that it would all work out in their favor.

As I practiced, I kept my thoughts focused on the knife, my hands, and my mind only. I didn't let any other thought float in. If it did, I acknowledged it, and told it I had more pressing things to worry about. Then I quickly focused again. 

It wasn't until the night was over and Luke was dismissed to his own room that I felt myself being lost to my thoughts again. I couldn't stop thinking about John. His sky blue eyes and soft lips couldn't leave my mind. All I wanted was to feel his arm around mine, and all I wanted to hear was his heartbeat, and all I wanted to see was his smile, and all I wanted to hear was his laugh, and all I wanted to taste was his vanilla lips.

I really fucked it up this time.

But I'd figure it out. I always did. That's how it works.

Right?

I sure fucking hope so.

Hope.

That's it.

Just have hope, John.

Maybe my selfish tendencies will take over, and I'll make it back to you again.

Just maybe.


	11. Chapter 11

**john**

 

_one month later_

 

"How the fuck are we going to find him, though?" Ryan crossed his arms over his chest, before moving them upwards and tightening his bandanna around his forehead.

"I don't know," Jay shook his head, lighting tapping his foot on the floor. "We should have gone the day after, like we initially planned. Remind me again why we didn't?"

"'Cause John almost fucking died." Evan muttered, and I rolled my eyes.

"We totally could have gone. I was fine. Besides, I'm better." I muttered, although the burning pain in my lungs told me otherwise.

"John, you passed out before you even made it to the fucking door. We all literally thought you were going to die. Tyler, Del and Scotty broke out into tears three fucking times. Each." Brian narrowed his eyes at me and I opened my mouth to speak, before my stupid cough interrupted me.

"You're still not even a hundred percent again, John." Tyler rested his hand on my shoulder, and I sighed, wiping my mouth with my hand and ridding it of the blood that I knew coated it.

"I'm fine." I kept my gaze low and trained it on the table, ignoring the feeling of everyone's eyes trained on me. "Don't make me say it again."

"John, as the designated medic of our friend group, I can confirm that you are not fine." Marcel spoke, and I glanced over at him with a frown.

"Marcel, fuck off." I murmured.

"Coughing up blood. Vomiting blood. Vomiting that.. purple shit. You were shaking so badly you dropped your glass of water the other day and cut your fucking hand open, which then immediately grew infected with that purple shit." Marcel raised his eyebrow as he spoke. "Your nose bleeds roughly three times a day and-"

"Fuck. Off." I repeated myself, then stood up with a shake of my head. I made my way to the stairs, speaking as I walked. "Let's continue our conversation when you all fucking drop this bullshit."

I walked up the stairs and ignored the stunned silence in the kitchen, then strolled into my room and slammed the door shut.

I sat down on the edge of my bed, clenching and unclenching my fists over and over again. My gaze settled on the dent in the wall, where Lukas had lost his cool only weeks ago. I felt my knuckles curl into my fist again, and kept pushing them further into my palm when I felt pain shoot into my left hand. I only stopped when I realized I had reopened my wound, the realization set off by the sight of blood dripping down my arm. I sighed and just rested it against the frame of the bed, not in the mood to make an attempt at bandaging it.

I stood up and grabbed the sleek knife that I had claimed from Evan's pile of toys. While we all sort of claimed roles, as to who worked with what, the blue and silver beauty stood out to me. When we actually went to fuck shit up, I'd be working with guns, but I just wanted the knife for the hell of it. I'd given it a name- Requiem- and had taken comfort in how familiar it had started to feel in my hands. Whenever I gripped it, a sense of calm filled me, and my nerves usually died down.

I lightly flipped it up into the air, my gaze locking onto it like the eyes of a predator onto it's prey. Although, these circumstances were different- the knife enabled me to tune into a sense of power I had previously ignored, and I made sure I put the knife to good use. My fingers wrapped around the handle, and with a swift flick and release of my fingers, I sent the knife flying straight into the center of a dartboard pinned to my wall.

A satisfied chuckle escaped from between my lips before I turned and walked into my bathroom. My eyes quickly located the gauze, and I washed my wound before wrapping it. Once I had finished, I walked back into my bedroom, then made my way to my closet. I pulled out a familiar, brown box- one that I hadn't touched in months- and placed it on my bed.

On one side, in red sharpie, I had written "Lukas."

I pulled out the first thing I saw, and felt pain begin to harshly grind into my heart. It was a dumb, Polaroid photo of Lukas and I, just staring at each other with the dumbest grins on our faces. It was from a night that we went camping with the boys, and Craig took the photo. Just by looking into our eyes, it was fucking obvious how in love with each other we were- and we weren't even dating yet at that point.

A sigh left my mouth when I picked up a soft, heavily over-worn sweater that once belonged to Lukas. I had forgotten I put it in the box- otherwise I would've given it to Lukas upon his return. It sported many coffee stains, and many dumb memories. The most prominent one, of course, was of the day I gave it to him. It was a little gift, one that I gave to him with the intentions of reminding him of home. That way, he wouldn't forget Canada, and the people he had left behind. Maybe a Tim Hortons sweater wasn't the best way to go about it, but I had no other ideas.

I held it to my face and shut my eyes as I took in it's scent- or, well, Lukas' scent. I hesitantly moved it to the side and pulled out an envelope, then opened it up. In it rested ten, stupid, folded pieces of paper. They were from the night Lukas asked me out.

"Fucking hell, Lukas.. why'd you leave me again?" I whispered, blinking my eyes to rid them of their tears. I pulled out another envelope, although this one I had written on- and it was sealed. I scanned my eyes over my own message with a frown.

_john, read this only when you know you need it. and trust me, when you need it.. you'll know._

I slowly frowned, before tearing the envelope open. I slowly pulled the slip of paper out, before I unfolded it and started reading.

_i love the way your words make my heart go bum, bum, bum_   
_i love the way your tongue dances with mine_   
_i love the way your fingers weave into my hair whenever my lips meet yours_   
_i love the way your hands trace my body_   
_i love the way your teeth turn my skin purple and blue and a lazy shade of magenta_   
_i love the way your voice melts all of my anxieties away_   
_i love the way your giggle brings butterflies to my stomach_   
_i love the way your eyes remind me of the sky_   
_i love the way your morning voice makes me flustered_   
_i love the way your smile makes my heart do backflips_   
_i love the way you make me feel._

_i love you, my phoenix._

_and with this letter, i promise you: that one day, i'm going to get onto one knee, and i'm going to propose to you. it doesn't matter how many battles we fight together. it doesn't matter how many times i push you away, or vice versa. it doesn't matter how many times we raise our voices. it doesn't matter how many tears we bring to each other's eyes. it doesn't matter how many times our demons get the best of us._

_because god damn it, john kryoz, you are the love of my life._

_and one day, eventually, i'm going to marry you._

_i promise._

I ran my fingers through my hair as tears left my eyes. "I love you," I whispered, my voice cracking as my sobs grew louder. "I love you, Lukas. I love you. Please, baby, come back."

I stood up and found myself stopping in front of my mirror. My reflection stared back at me. He was merely a man with a broken story, with a broken heart, and a broken life stared back at me. My fist raised, and connected with the mirror. Glass flew, and I crumpled to my knees.

Now he had a broken mirror, too.

 

•

 

"Stop fucking asking me if I'm okay," I practically hissed, resting my head in my hands. "I'm fine."

"John, you left us in a pissed off frenzy, and then came back an hour later with dried tears, bloodshot eyes, a bandaged hand and a bleeding set of knuckles." Scotty grumbled, and I shut my eyes.

"Who fucking cares about me? I'm  _fine._ We've got better things to worry about." I replied, frowning as I felt a headache start to grow.

"All of us care about you, you ignorant son of a bitch!" Tyler's voice reached my ears, and I shot my head up.

"If we don't get off the subject of  _me,_ I'm going to fucking punch some _body_ instead of some _thing."_ I muttered, and Tyler's eyebrows furrowed.

"John, would you stop fucking-" A loud slam interrupted his sentence, and we all turned our heads to the direction of the noise. The door was open, and Luka was barking up a frenzy. We watched as a person walked in. They had a mask on over their features, so there was no way of telling who it was.

"Who are you?" Brock stood up, his voice deeper than normal. He was obviously alarmed and went into immediate defense mode. Brian reached forward and set a hand on his waist, trying to calm him.

The person chuckled, before swiftly moving their arm and chucking a knife. It struck Tyler in the shoulder, and he quickly stumbled back with a startled and pained yelp. The figure tore his mask off, and-

"Get the fuck out of this fucking apartment, you son of a bitch." I pushed him against the wall. Craig's eyes met mine, and he chuckled.

"Someone's awfully pissy," He cooed, frowning. "What's wrong? Don't have your boyfriend to protect you?"

I pulled my knife out of my pocket, and held it against his throat. "I will not hesitate to fuck you up, Craig Thompson. I  _will_ kill you." Although I spoke with a sharp tone and made sure not to shake, there was no real threat behind my words. Fuck him up, I could do, but there was no way I could take his life, even if I wanted to.

"John, calm down." Del's voice reached my ears, and I shook my head without taking my gaze off of Craig.

"Calm down? This son of a bitch-"

"I'm a son of a bitch?" Craig furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm sorry, WHOSE boyfriend caused the fucking end of the world!?"

"He didn't cause the end of the world, dipshit!" I spat, my words laced with venom. "I'm pretty sure we're still fucking standing here!"

"John, if you don't kill him, I fucking will." Tyler's pained voice spoke, and I shook my head.

"He's not going to die." I murmured, and narrowed my eyes as Craig grinned. "But he  _will_ get his fucking ass kicked."

"Boo hoo, I get a little boo boo." Craig shrugged. "What're you gonna do about  _them?"_

I loosened my grip on Craig for a split second and he immediately pushed me off of him. I stumbled backwards, my back harshly smacking into the counter. My eyes locked onto the forms of at least ten white-coats stomping into the room.

"What the  _fuck!?"_ Anthony screamed, and bullets sprayed in his direction.

"Anthony, get down!" I yelled, and quickly took my own advice as a white-coat turned towards me.

What the fuck, what the fuck,  _what the fuck!?_

He had fucking  _white-coats_ with him!?

"John, we're not sitting here and getting our asses fucked raw by some devilish bastards, are we?" I noticed David beside me and I blinked as he spoke.

"No, but we don't have our weapons. Fuck knows where they are right now," I whispered, and watched as he chuckled.

He handed me a handgun-  _my_ pistol, actually- and I gratefully took it.

"I'm not going to ask you why you have it." I shook my head, and then handed him my knife. "Don't fuck that knife up, or I will fuck  _you_ up, Nogla."

"Yes, sir." He chuckled, and I quickly stood up, swinging the side of pistol into some white-coat's jaw. They stumbled, and I raised my leg to kick them in the stomach. The white-coat quickly fell, but not before taking a few shots at me. I ducked down, then raised my pistol and shot their knee. They let out a pained scream, and I kicked the rifle out of their hands.

"Who attacks someone with a fucking rifle at close range?" I muttered, then picked it up and tossed it to Scotty, who was hiding and looked fucking terrified. "Scotty, stay there and shoot literally anyone who isn't one of our friends. Got it?"

"I think so!" He muttered, setting the rifle on his shoulder and biting his lip as he scanned over the people in the room. I spun around upon hearing footsteps that were a little too close to comfort, and rammed my elbow into the stomach of an uncomfortably tall white-coat. They swung their arm, and I let out a pained groan as their fist collided with my back. My back? Dude, what the fuck?

I raised my pistol and quickly shot down at their foot, before moving backwards. I spun around and raised my pistol again, resting my finger on the trigger. Once my eyes locked onto Evan, who was attempting to fight back a white-coat, I quickly pulled the trigger. I watched as the white-coat quickly threw their arm over their shoulder, then ran off. Evan's gaze rested on me and he sent me a thankful nod before he ran past me.

A force from behind sent me against the wall and I felt my skin crawl as the cold muzzle of a gun pressed against my neck. "Where'd he go?" An unfamiliar voice whispered, and I narrowed my eyes.

"I won't tell you that," I whispered. "He left."

"Oh no, silly boy." The muzzle pushed further into my skin and I tried to steady my breathing. If I was going to die, I wasn't going out looking like a pussy. "The other one. Qwerty. Or Jason, as you probably know him."

"Who the f-" Oh shit. Jay. "I.. I don't know where he is."

"Don't lie to me,  _John._ "

"Why do you know who I am?" I hissed, struggling against them.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. After all, you  _are_ the one with a gun pressed against your neck." The person chuckled a bit.

"Why do you know who I am?" I repeated my question, confusion flowing steady throughout my mind.

"You were the one thing that we could always use," They whispered. Fingers roughly grabbed my hair and pulled my head back, and I winced. The person stared at me, and then chuckled. "We'd threaten Lukas, tell him we knew where you were. Tell him we'd hurt you. And then he'd obey our commands. You know why?"

I stared him in his eyes, practically fuming in anger.

"Ask me why." He spat, pulling a knife out of his pocket. When I didn't reply, he sliced it against my cheek, and I bit my lip to refrain any noise from coming out. "Ask. Me. Why."

Again, I made no attempt to speak, and he merely chuckled before pressing the blade against my skin once more. This time, he slowly dragged it across my collarbones, and I shut my eyes to prevent any tears from escaping. That'd make the cheek wound hurt way fuckin' more. "Ask me why, John."

"Why?" I spat, opening my eyes again. "Why did you fucking hurt him?"

"Cause he was our little bitch." His eyes met mine, and suddenly, I saw something. In him. In his eyes. In his face. In the fact that he loosened his grip on me.

Fear.

I pushed him forward and pressed the barrel of my gun against his chest.

"You're a monster," I whispered, meeting my eyes with him. "And I hope you fucking burn."

I pulled the trigger, and his body went limp.

I stepped away from him, shaking in unadulterated rage. Although there was fear there, too, inside of me.

I killed him.

I had killed him.

I had taken my weapon, and ended his life. I did. I did that. As if it was my place. As if I was the one who was supposed to end his life. As if I had control over his life.

I called him a monster.

No. No, no.

I was.

"John!"

I snapped back into the present and suddenly, pain coursed throughout me.

"Fuck!" I yelled, falling to the floor as pain rippled throughout my leg. I looked down to see blood spreading down my legs from my knee. I quickly raised my pistol and shot at the masked white-coat who stood above me. They ignored it as the bullet coursed through their shoulder, and lifted their own pistol, aiming it at my head.

"Monster, my friend was not," They whispered, and I shot them again. Their shoulder jerked back, but they tightened their grip on their gun. "Monster, you are."

"Shoot me, then, bitch." I whispered, and they chuckled. I watched as their finger rested on the trigger.

"Gladly."

"No! No, no, no! Don't fucking do it!" I heard Ryan scream, and I glanced up to see Lui pinned against the wall with a gun pressed against his forehead. He was sobbing, and Ryan was as well. As my eyes traveled, I noticed Nogla. He was on the floor, his eyes shut and blood pooling out around his neck.

No..

He couldn't be dead. There was no way.

I couldn't let this happen.

I wouldn't let this happen.

I lifted my hand, and shot the white-coat once more. This time, I did it to their other shoulder. They dropped the pistol with a hiss, and I quickly moved my arm to aim my pistol at the white-coat who held Lui. I pulled the trigger, and watched as blood and flesh flew out of the white-coat. Lui's eyes shot open and he stared at the man in shock, who had crumpled to the floor.

I had put a bullet through his fucking skull.

Lui stayed in frozen shock for a few seconds before he ran over to Nogla and started viciously shaking. From where I laid, in pain, and on the floor, I could hear his screams and cries.

A sudden, tear-jerking pain in my other leg brought my attention back onto the white-coat. "Thought you could get away?" They hissed, and I said nothing. I didn't make a fucking noise as the tears made their way down my face. Guilt, fear, and anger washed over me, and I stared at my pistol.

"Either you shoot me, or I shoot you." I whispered, then glanced back up at them. "Which would you prefer?"

They chuckled, and rested their finger on the trigger.

"No! John, shoot them! Anybody, shoot them!" I heard Evan scream, and then an incredibly loud gunshot pierced the chaotic noise.

The room was otherwise silent as it echoed in my ears, and I looked down to see blood spreading through my chest.

Oh.

I watched as the white-coat was immediately tackled to the ground, and as a few of my friends started beating the shit out of them. A few more people rushed to my side, and I shook my head.

"Go to David," I whispered, and a hand on my face made me look over at someone. Scotty was sobbing as he spoke.

"John, John. You're okay. Marcel's gonna fix you right up, okay? We're fine. Everyone's fine! David- David's fine, too." He stumbled over his words and choked and sobbed. "You're okay. We're going to get Lukas back, and everything's going to be okay. The white-coats are gone. Craig is gone. We won this fight, man. We did it."

"Scotty?" I whispered, and tears ran down my face.

"What? What, John?"

"I d-don't want to die," I croaked, and watched as he sobbed harder.

"You're not going to, John." He ran his fingers through my hair, then leaned forwards and pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. "You're my best friend. You're not going to die. Okay? I promise you. Marcel's already figuring everything out. You're not going to die. Please, John. We can't fucking lose you."

As I watched him, I noticed the edges of my vision growing darker. An empty sort of feeling began to pool in my stomach.

"I think this is it, S-Scotty." I whispered. "I'm g-going to die."

"Stop fucking saying that, John!" Tyler's voice shouted besides me. I turned to see bandages wrapped around his shoulder, and tears streaming down his face. "You're going to be fine, okay, bud? You're going to be fine."

"Find Lukas," I whispered. "Please."

Del, who I hadn't noticed before, took my hand. He ran his fingers over my rings as he sobbed. "We'll find him, John."

"Delirious, stop fucking talking like he's going to die!" Scotty muttered, and I looked up to see the rest of my friends staring at me. Even David was there.

Oh thank god, David wasn't dead.

"David, you're not- you're n-not dead?" I asked, and he chuckled, wiping tears off of his face.

"No. Just fucked up pretty bad, John. But you're not going to die either, okay? You're going to be alright." He replied, and I shook my head.

"I'm going to die." I started sobbing. "I'm g-going to fucking d-die."

I lifted my hand to wipe my mouth clean; for blood had started pooling out of it when I spoke. The pain in my chest was fucking unbearable, and I just wanted it to end already.

Tyler wrapped his arms around me, in a gentle but desperate hug, and I would've hugged him back if I had found the strength to move my arms. "I love you, man. Fight this, please. Marcel's just gotta.. figure things out."

"Why don't we call the fucking ambulance!?" Brock shouted, and everyone went silent, as if they had forgotten the power was back on.

"Oh." Anthony muttered, and Evan quickly grabbed his phone.

"Brock, Brian, dispose of the bodies." Delirious stood up. "Come on, I'll help you. We can keep one and pretend they attacked us." He started talking about the cover-up, and I stopped listening as Brian and Brock walked over to him.

"I d-don't think they're gonna get here in time, g-guys." I whispered, and Scotty hugged me, too.

"Don't say that, John. You're going to be fine." He whispered.

"I love you t-two. You were.. the best friends.. anyone could've asked for." I smiled a bit, and they both pulled away from me.

"Don't fucking say your goodbyes, John." Tyler practically growled, and I chuckled.

"Can't even b-be nice when I'm about to d-die, huh?" I asked, and he clenched his fists.

"You're not going to fucking die, John!" His voice cracked in the middle of his sentence, and he broke out into sobs.

"Please, just.." I shut my eyes briefly, before opening them again. "Just find Lukas. And tell him t-that I really t-tried my fucking h-hardest. Tell him I love him."

"Stop it, John. Stop it." Scotty shook his head. "You're- you're his fucking phoenix, or whatever. You're not going to die. You're going to get up, stronger than ever before."

"The Phoenix isn't rising from the ashes this time, boys." I chuckled.

My eyes grew heavy again, and I let them fall shut. I felt my pain slowly fade away, and the sounds of Tyler and Scotty's screams quietened, and my breathing got slower, too.

"It was fun while it lasted."


	12. Chapter 12

**lukas**

 

_four months later_

 

"Motherfucker." His heavy sigh made it's way to my ears as I found my eyes landing on him. His form sat in the corner of my room, and he held his head in his hands, staring down at the floor with a frown. I shifted slightly in my seat, and instantly slumped back when I felt pain shoot through me. "It's been four months, Lukas."

"You don't think I know that, Luke?" I sighed, then let my head rest against the wall. Four months we had been stuck in this hellhole. Luke, of course, was allowed to leave- whenever he was called for duty- and he would often bring me snacks and shit from outside. So, at the very least, I wasn't malnourished. However, I was coated in bruises, and cuts, and the white-coats had decided to start experimenting again. I was prodded and poked and examined and god fucking  _damn it,_ I just wanted to be out of the place. "Why don't we just fucking leave?"

"It's still too risky." Luke sighed, then stood up and started pacing. "There's so many things that could go wrong. If they see you, they'll- I don't know, tranquilize, or, or something else-"

"Luke, fucking look at me." I practically hissed, and he faltered slightly, looking at me with a frown. "If we don't get out of here soon, I won't be able to fucking do anything at all."

"But you're so fucking injured, Lukas." Luke bit his lip, "You could barely walk two weeks ago." 

I stood up and walked over to Luke, then put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm fine now. Sure, I'm fucked up a little, but I can do this, Luke. Look, watch this." I stepped back, and glanced over at the ball that rested on the floor. Focusing my attention on it, I watched as it flew up and against the ceiling, then bounced down again. I had learned how to control my powers without even using my hands. Telekinesis was fucking awesome.

"That's just a ball, though. I mean, don't get me wrong, your powers are better than ever.. but I'm still scared. If we fuck up, you know it'll be even harder for attempt number two, right?" Luke glanced at me and I sighed as I nodded.

"I know. But we can do this." I raked my fingers through my hair before I started pacing. "We established the plan on the first day you took me to this shit-hole." 

"Remember, that wasn't my ide-"

"Luke, I know, don't worry. I'm not upset at you. I mean, shit- I care about you, you fucking asshat." I paused to look at him, and chuckled as I saw him smile.

"Ditto, you bitch." He murmured, his voice softer than normal. That was always an immediate sign he was being genuine about something. He walked over and ruffled my hair, and I rolled my eyes. "Are you sure you're ready, Smit?" 

"Yeah, Luke. I'm ready to get the fuck out of here." I sighed, and my eyes met his. Luke raised his eyebrows, before grinning.

"Then let's kick their fucking asses."

I walked over to the corner of the room, where our few weapons rested. Luke, the god damn cunning man that he was, had somehow managed to sneak quite a few of them into the room. I slipped a pocket knife into my pocket, then picked up the pistol. I tossed it behind me without even looking, because I knew Luke would be there to catch it. A satisfied grunt confirmed my assumptions. I chuckled and spun around, glancing at him. "That thing loaded?" I asked, and he nodded.

"Duh," He chuckled, and I rolled my eyes.

"Alright, smart-ass." I grabbed Luke's arm. "Let's do this shit." 

He grinned, then fired the pistol three times, just aiming it at the floor. He quickly put it in his pocket, and I backed him up against the wall. "Remember, push me to the floor once I give you the signal. And.. acting mode in three.. two.. one."

The door busted open and a shit ton of white-coats came in. I kept my gaze on Luke, trying my best to look at least somewhat intimidating. "Say it again, you fucking bitch," I hissed, and Luke bit his lip. 

"Hey! Hey, guys! Get this crazy motherfucker off of me!" Luke glanced over at the white-coats, and I quickly snapped my head to glare at them. They all pointed their guns at me, and I lifted my hand, then sent the guns flying. I had to appear strong, but couldn't let them know how good my powers had actually gotten.

"Violet, get off of Devil." A voice spoke, and I recognized it to be Dr. Streinz. I rolled my eyes until they landed on him, and I raised my eyebrow.

"I don't care for you very much, Doctor." I muttered, and snapped my arm out once more, sending a gun straight into my hand. I tightened my grip around it and aimed it at him. Of course, I wasn't going to use it unless it was absolutely necessary. "I highly dislike the way you tell me what to do."

"Well, in this facility, I have power over you, Violet." Dr. Streinz' voice faltered only slightly, and I hummed quietly, realizing that he wasn't as afraid of me as he used to be. "So you'd better back your sorry ass the fuck up."

I pinched Luke's shoulder slightly, and he immediately pushed me off of him. I made myself fall to the floor, and I let the gun fall out of my hand. He picked it up and pointed it at me, and I grunted, then pushed myself up and against the wall.

"Streinz, might I have permission to fuck him up?" Luke practically snarled, and I had to admit, he had no problem appearing strong and fucking scary. I clenched my fists, and Dr. Streinz chuckled as he rested his arm around Luke's shoulders.

"Permission granted, Devil." Streinz patted Luke's back, before glaring at me. "But only if I can have a swing or two at him."

"I.. yeah, sure." Luke faltered only slightly, but I gave him a small nod to ensure him that it was fine. I knew damn well I'd be getting my ass kicked, but it was all worth it if we could get out of here. 

Luke walked over and grabbed my arm, and I tore it away from him. "Don't touch me, jackass." 

Dr. Streinz spun me around and smacked me across the face. I bit my lip to stop myself from smacking him the fuck back. Stay calm, Lukas, or else you'll fuck everything up. "Don't disrespect Devil that way, you little shit."

"'Don't disrespect Devil that way, you little shit..'" I imitated him, making a stupid face as I did so. I glanced at Luke to see he was stifling laughter.

"Violet, you're just a lot of bark, and no bite." Dr. Streinz laughed, and I locked my gaze onto him. "Such a feisty freak."

"Well you're a sex addict with a tiny dick," I muttered dryly. "Wonder how many times you fap a day, man. It's kind of gross. Like jeez. Get it under control. Not that anybody would notice because of how little it is, though." 

Luke coughed loudly to stop himself from laughing. Dr. Streinz looked like he was about to blow up. I rolled my eyes and grabbed Luke's arm, then made his hand hold onto my arm. "Ugh, let's just get this fucking over with, then." 

Luke led us out of the room, and I glanced around as we walked. We walked down a shit ton of hallways before we eventually stumbled outside. I gasped as the wind blew gently against my skin and lightly tossed my hair around. Luke kept dragging me further out until we stopped in a field. As we turned, I noticed more people coming out. "There's no way I'm living through this without at least one broken bone," I murmured lowly, glancing over at Luke. Worry was written all over his face, and he bit his lip before he spoke.

"I won't let them go too far, but I sort of have to let them hurt you. If I don't, they'll get suspicious. I'm really sorry, dude." Luke sighed, but I chuckled.

"I know, dumbass. We've been over this. It's fine." 

Luke stepped away from me and went to go talk to Dr. Streinz. I stood there, staring at my shoes, and then glanced over at the pebbles in the distance. Glancing over to make sure nobody was looking, I made one hover slightly in the air before whipping it at Dr. Streinz. He jumped and spun around, glaring at his friends, and I chuckled as Luke glanced at me. 

After a while, Luke and Dr. Streinz separated, and Dr. Streinz walked over to me. "Violet, it'll hurt less you if you cooperate."

"I bet wanking would hurt less if you had anything to actually wank." I don't know why I kept making fun of his dick, but it got him really offended every time so hey, whatever worked.

Dr. Streinz lifted his fist and punched me in the gut. I stood there and took it, biting my lip as pain radiated throughout me. He lifted his fist again, and landed blow after blow, until I eventually fell to my knees. I caught myself before I fell all the way, but he kicked my stomach and I fell to the ground with a quiet groan.

"Pussy," He hissed, and I took deep breaths to calm myself down. If I acted out, that could potentially fuck everything up. 

"Streinz, alright, that's enough." I heard Luke call out to him, but he didn't stop. Dr. Streinz roughly grabbed me by my shoulders, then socked me in the face. I lifted my hand and pressed it to my lips, before spitting blood out. "Streinz, what'd I just say?"

Dr. Streinz gave a glance at Luke, then roughly threw me down again. I made no noise as he started roughly kicking my chest, aiming his heavy ass shoes at my fucking ribs. Eventually, he kicked me at an angle that sent a wave of pain through me that was unlike anything I'd ever felt. I couldn't help but let out a pained scream, and I choked back tears as he kicked that spot over, and over again.

"Hey, dickwad! What'd I just fucking say!?" Dr. Streinz was forcefully pulled away from me, and I watched as Luke glared at him. Dr. Streinz huffed, and I struggled to catch my breath.

"Why are you stopping me, Devil?" He suddenly pulled a gun out and directed at me. "This can all end. Right now."

"Are you fucking insane?" Luke went to grab the gun from him, but he quickly took a step back as Streinz turned it  _on_ him.

"Don't make me do something I'll regret, Devil." Streinz narrowed his eyes. "Think about this. We can kill the boy. End this dumb game. He's made us out to be the fools." 

"You didn't fucking listen to me when I told you to stop." Luke pulled a gun of his own out of his pocket. "I thought this was based on mutual respect, Streinz."

"I think you forget that you're not one of us, Devil." Streinz chuckled. "You work for us. At the end of the day.. you're our little bitch."

Luke threw the gun at me and I caught it, then pulled the trigger. The bullet went straight through Streinz' back and I watched as his eyes widened, then he fell to the ground without another word. 

Well, shit. 

This wasn't going to plan.

Luke immediately lifted me up and carried me, and I glanced at the white-coats, who had all pulled their guns out.

"Back the fuck up unless y'all wanna get your asses kicked!" Luke threatened, and I groaned as the pain in my chest worsened. One of them took a step forwards, and I narrowed my eyes as I watched them. When they lifted their gun, I sent them flying backwards, and they roughly hit the building. "Good job," Luke chuckled, and I felt blood running down my nose.

"This is taking a lot out of me," I grunted, glaring at the white-coats. "Streinz fucked me up. I'm weak." 

Luke lifted his gun and shot at a man who shot at us. The bullet whizzed past my ear, and I felt my eyes widen. The rest of them started shooting, and Luke sprinted into a run. 

Bullets flew by us and people started shouting. The sounds of dozens of footsteps behind us grew louder, and I could hear the blood in my ear as my heart started racing. The adrenaline pumping through me made it a bit easier to focus, and I glanced behind us again. The white-coats were kicking up dirt as they trailed after us. "Stop! Stop where you are!" 

Suddenly, Luke stumbled and let out a pained groan. "Fuck! My fucking shoulder!" He slowed to a stop and I jumped out of his arms, then glanced at him. Blood ran down his shoulder, and I felt anger course throughout me.

Piece of shit motherfuckers.

"Lukas? What the fuck? Your eyes- they're like, fucking glowing!" Luke sent me a weird look and I tightened my jaw as I glared at the white-coats.

"Those sons of bitches are going to be fucking sorry." I muttered, then shut my eyes. Everything went silent as I calmed myself, taking deep breaths. My eyes opened again, and I felt a bullet dig into my shoulder, but I couldn't feel the pain. I took a few steps forward, and I could hear Luke scream my name, but it was dull. Another bullet went through my other shoulder, and I stopped, planting my feet firmly on the ground.

I glanced forwards, and locked my eyes onto the many white-coats that stood in front of me. All at once, I felt this surge of.. energy, rush throughout me, and then it collected in my head. "Goodbye," I whispered, and I felt the wind get suddenly harsh. I took another breath out, and then the energy I felt bolted out of me, and sent the dozens of white-coats in front of me flying into the air, and away from me.

I chuckled lightly as sounds immediately returned. I heard pained screams as bodies hit the ground, and I felt blood drip out of my mouth. Arms wrapped around me, and I grunted as Luke lifted me over his shoulder. 

"Whatever the fuck that was, it was fucking awesome!" Luke yelled, and he took off running.

"I.. think I might fucking die," I chuckled, and Luke lightly smacked my back. "Ouch," I grunted.

"Hey, dipshit, don't fucking say that." He muttered, and I groaned as pain quickly returned to me. "We're literally like two minutes away from civilization. You'll be fine." 

I shut my eyes and clenched onto the back of Luke's shirt as he sped his pace up. "I wonder what John's up to right now.." 

"Who fucking cares!?" Luke sighed, "Jesus, man, get your priorities straight! Worry about John once your fucking wounds are taken care of."

"Hey, they shot your shoulder too!" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"They shot  _both_ of your shoulders, you idiot." He murmured, and I frowned.

"Oh yeah. That's right." I felt my eyelids grow heavy as I leaned against Luke. "I think I'm going to pass out." 

"Fine, but don't fucking die, you piece of shit." He grunted, and I laughed.

"You're an asshole, y'know that?"

"Yeah, well, I'm a nice asshole." Luke chuckled. I turned my head to see where we were going, and I raised an eyebrow as I realized we were heading into a forest. Voices soon reached my ears- and they weren't coming from behind. They were coming from ahead of us.

"Hey, whoah, I hear people." I whispered, and Luke shook his head.

"Don't give a fuck. We don't have time to stop." He kept running, and soon, a group of people walked in front of us. 

"Hey! Whoah! Who the fuck are you!?" One of them shouted, and I furrowed my eyebrows as I realized it was a familiar voice.

"Jay?" I asked, and his eyes snapped over to me. Luke stopped, and I felt him tense.

"Lukas?" Jay's eyes widened, and I groaned. 

Luke glanced at me with a worried expression. "Normally I'd let y'all have a happy reunion, but Lukas is in a  _lot_ of fucking pain right now!" He yelled, and I racked my gaze over the group of people to see who else was there. Next to Jay stood Tyler, and then Marcel, and then Brian. Next to Brian stood Evan, and then..

I jumped out of Luke's arms and ran over to John, then wrapped my arms around him. "God damn it, Lukas!" I heard Luke sigh behind me, but I didn't give a fucking damn.

John pulled me close against him, and I sobbed as I grew overcome with emotion- as well as a shit ton of pain. I pulled away to look at him, and frowned as I noticed a huge scar on his cheek. His normally bright eyes were unusually dull, and he had some pretty hefty bags under his eyes. "Lukas? Buttercup, baby, oh my god." He spoke with a soft, pained voice, and I felt tears run down my cheeks. 

"John, I'm so fucking sorry," I whispered. I leaned up and kissed him, and he kissed me back, cradling my body against his. I pulled away as another wave of pain shot through me, and I fell against him, groaning. 

"Hey, what- what the fuck happened!?" John shouted, and I could tell he was talking to Luke.

"I'll explain everything once we get to the fucking hospital!" Luke shouted back, and I turned my head slightly to see that Evan had torn his shirt off and wrapped it around Luke's shoulder. I felt John's arms wrap around me, and he lifted me, then held me against his chest.

"You're going to be fine, Lukas, okay?" He kissed my forehead, and I bit my lip as more tears left my eyes. "What happened, baby? Tell me what happened." 

"White-coats," I grunted. "I think I.. I think I killed them all." 

"What?" John sounded confused, and I shut my eyes as he started running. I could tell the others were running, too, by the sounds of crunching twigs and footsteps against the ground.

"Big big wind.. sent them flying. I.. caused the wind." I groaned, coughing. "I think one of them- ugh, broke my fucking rib. And then my shoulders.. both of them.. currently are homes.. to a bullet.. each."

"They shot you?" John's voice got a little quiet, and I nodded.

"Yeah. I should be okay. Maybe. I feel like my brain is fried." 

"You're going to be perfectly fine, alright? I promise. And you know, Buttercup, you know I don't say anything I don't mean."

"I know. John, I.. I'm so sorry."

"We can talk about everything later okay?" John's lips met my forehead again and I buried my head into his shirt. The way he cradled me close against him sent a sense of familiarity throughout me, and it was awfully bittersweet. I had missed his touch, and his vanilla smell, and his warmth. 

"Okay," I murmured, and I blinked my eyes open to see him staring forward with a concentrated expression. His gaze lowered and rested on me for a brief moment, and he smiled a bit.

"I missed you."

"I missed you, too." 

"Please don't leave me again."

"I won't. I promise."

 

I always broke my promises.


	13. Chapter 13

**john**

 

"The amount of blood loss he suffered from was substantial. In all honesty, if you had arrived merely minutes later.. he probably wouldn't have made it. However, Lukas is currently in a stable condition." The doctor spoke, and I stared at the tiles on the floor, uneasiness making my heart lurch. The familiarity of the floor.. of these beige walls.. 

_"Go!"_

_"Hurry up! Get this man into a room, stat!"_

_"We've got bullet wounds and quite a few open slashes, not too deep. Lots of blood loss, we don't have long!"_

_Shut the fuck up and let me sleep._

_The doctors at my sides wheeled me through doors, and into a room. Eventually I felt my eyelids grow heavy, and everything went black._

"John? You alright, man?" Evan shook my shoulder, and I jerked my head towards him, startled.

"Ah, fuck. I'm.. yeah, I'm alright." I sighed, rubbing my eyes. 

"C'mon, the doctor's are letting us into Lukas' room. He's not awake yet, though." Evan held his hand out to me, and I took it. He helped me up, and we slowly walked down the hallway, trailing after the rest of the group. The doctor stopped in front of the door, then opened it. I walked in first, and bit my lip as I took in the sight in front of me. A sleeping Lukas laid on the bed, plenty of shit strapped and attached to him. I grabbed a chair, and pulled it up right next to the bed, trying to hold back tears.

"I'm sorry I let this happen to you, my buttercup." I found myself whispering, and I reached over, then grabbed one of his hands. "I know what you're going through. But you're going to be alright, baby."

_"We almost fucking lost him. We literally almost fucking lost John. I can't fucking believe this." A voice drifted into my ears, and it took me a few moments to recognize it, but I recognized it to be Scotty's._

_"But we didn't. He's fine. Once he wakes up, he'll start physical therapy and shit. His knees.. he's fucking lucky they didn't completely lose everything." Another voice spoke, and I realized it was Tyler's._

_I groaned, blinking my eyes open as pain coursed through me. "What.. the fuck." I complained, using my arms to lift me up._

_"John! You're awake!" I frowned as Delirious walked over to my side._

_"Everything hurts," I sighed, lifting a hand to run my fingers through my hair. "Why does everything hurt?"_

_"Cause you got the shit beat out of you," Scotty chuckled, and I glanced at him. "Oh, and you almost fucking died."_

_"Oh." I blinked, wincing as everything came rushing back. "Yeah, I remember."_

_"Doc says it'll be a long road to being a hundred percent again," Tyler murmured, and I sighed._

_"Disappointed, but not surprised." I muttered, lifting my hand to run my fingers through my hair.  "At least I'm not dead, right?"  
_

_"Yeah."_

Even today, I still was nowhere near being a hundred percent again. My knees were fucking burning from running through the forest, but I absolutely refused to mention that to the guys. I mean, to be fair, we were going on a mission to find my fucking boyfriend. I wasn't going to  _not_ go.

I rubbed the top of his hand with my thumb, then winced a bit as another wave of pain shot through my left leg. I had tripped over something, and had twisted that leg a bit. I pulled away slightly to subtly reach down and rub my knee, trying to fucking soothe the pain.

"So, anyone check on Luke?" I asked, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. I sighed when it popped back out and reached into my pocket to grab a ponytail, then moved my hand off of Lukas' to put my hair up.

"Yeah," Anthony murmured, an arm around Ryan's shoulders. "Ryan and I checked on him. He's fine, more worried about Lukas than anything."

"It's crazy what happened," Jay murmured. "White-coats seem to fuck with everyone. How's it feel for you guys? Last you saw him, you were on a terrible note, apparently. I mean, I believed his story, but.. you guys probably have a tougher time with that."

"Lukas trusts him," I murmured, grabbing his hand again. "so I trust him. I mean, Luke was carrying Lukas to safety- at least, that's what it looked like when we bumped into them." 

Marcel paced around the room, "You guys, we got so lucky on that fucking mission. What if they hadn't gotten rid of the white-coats already? So many of us would have been so hurt."

"But you're all fine, and that's what matters." Scotty stood up and rested a hand on Marcel's shoulder, then led him back to a chair. "C'mon, babe, calm down. Everything's fine."

Ryan adjusted his glasses- which he had gotten a few months ago- before he spoke. "Changing the subject back to Luke, I'm obviously still a little uneasy, considering what he did the last time we actually saw him. However, I trust him. There's no reason not to. I don't even think he has two eyes anymore."

"Who, Luke?" A slightly slurred voice spoke, and I turned my head to see Lukas trying to sit up. His shoulders almost immediately gave out, and he slumped against the bed with a quiet groan. I stood up, then reached forwards and gently helped him sit up. He grabbed my arm and pulled it against him, before pulling the rest of me into a hug. "Hey, Phoenix."

"Hi, Buttercup." I chuckled a little, hugging Lukas back to the best of my ability. I soon pulled away, but only to lean forward and kiss him. He kissed me back, and gently draped his hands across my neck. I laid my right hand on the side of his face, softly running my thumb over his cheekbone. Over four months had passed, and Lukas was exactly how I remembered him: as soft as silk, as sweet as candy, and as loving as he always was. Although we had already had a reunion kiss, this one was just as passionate as that one- although maybe not as intense.

When we parted, I gazed down at Lukas, who looked at me with a little smile. "Your lips are still so nice," He murmured. His eyes twinkled as he spoke, and fuck, did I miss the life that was in them. When I saw Lukas last, he wasn't as lively- he thought he knew what his future would be. But something had changed. "And you're still so pretty.. even with that scar, which I have no doubt that you're insecure about, you are still such a sight for sore eyes."

Well, he definitely wasn't wrong. When my dumb cheek wound had finally fully healed, the scar left me feeling terrible about myself. I tried to twist my thoughts around so I could show it with pride, but every time I looked at it, I felt weak, ugly, and all of the memories came rushing back. Even the scar across my collarbones, which wasn't immediately visible to everyone, often left me in tears.

"Most importantly, though, I'm still here for you," I whispered, taking his hand again and intertwining our fingers, "like I always am. Like I always will be."

"I know," Lukas sniffled a bit, and I realized his eyes had teared up. "and I'm so sorry I left. I didn't want to hurt you, and I thought that by being there.. I would only hurt you. I think, uh.. I think I might've been wrong, with that mindset." He chuckled a bit, and I smiled. "I don't.. ever want to leave you again, John, but.. I'm so afraid that it'll happen."

I shrugged, "You may have awesome mind powers, but you're no psychic, love. We have no way of knowing anything. But- and I promise you this- we will always work things out." I lifted his hand, the one which still proudly wore the promise ring I had given him years ago, and kissed it. "If, for some god awful reason, we're not meant to lovers.. then I'd rather spend the rest of my life with you as my friend, than never seeing you again. So if we ever,  _ever_ start to drift apart.. I promise you, we will never make it to the end without each other." 

Although.. I already had.

_"Doc! He's flat-lining!"_

_Quiet, quiet voices echoed around me, and I blinked my eyes open, absolutely terrified when I saw myself. On an operation table._

_The heart monitor next to me displayed nothing but a meager, flat and empty line._

_I watched as a defibrillator was picked up, and then placed on me. I felt a slight jolt, but watched as nothing else happened. They did it again, and suddenly, my eyes went shut once more._

"John?" Lukas gazed at me with a worried expression, and I bit my lip, rubbing my eyes to rid them of their tears.

"I- uh, I'm fine." I asked, and frowned as I felt him grab my hand.

"You're not fine. What happened?" He asked, and I glanced behind me, blinking when I realized all of the guys had left the room to give us time. They probably went and checked on Luke or something.

"I.. I just.." I hadn't talked to anyone about the constant fucking flashbacks. The guys had noticed me zoning in and out, but they just assumed it was effects of the painkillers I'd been taking, or whatever. "Lukas, I-" My eyes teared up again and Lukas shifted a bit, moving to the edge of the bed, then patted the bed next to him. I frowned, then sat beside him, and he wrapped his arms around me as I leaned into him.

"What's wrong, baby? What happened when I was away?" He rubbed my back, and I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself.

"T-Two months.. after you left, uh.." I bit my lip as I shut my eyes, recalling what had happened. "Craig came back. But he came with a bunch of white-coats, and.. they attacked us. We all got hurt pretty badly." I opened my eyes again and pulled away from him, then pointed to the scar on my cheek. "This is from.. one of them. And.." I bit my lip, then lowered my shirt's collar slightly, and watched as his eyes flickered down. "This is, too."

He leaned forward, and kissed my cheek, right on the scar. Then he lowered his head slightly, and pressed a kiss against the other scar. "I'm so sorry, baby," He murmured, and I tapped my fingers against my side before glancing down.

"That.. that isn't all of them," I murmured, then glanced at my legs. "Both of my knees, um.. were shot," I murmured, and bit my lip as more tears welled up in my eyes. "And- and so was- um.. my c-chest." 

Lukas' eyes widened, "What?"

"I.. he.. they.. I- I d-died," I stumbled over my words, until my voice cracked and I finally spewed the thought that had been plaguing my mind. "I s-saw myself, Lukas. I was dead, and they brought me back to life, but I- I  _died."_ Tears ran down my face, and Lukas immediately pulled me against him, holding me. I sobbed, grasping weakly at the back of his hospital shirt.

"I'm so sorry, John," He whispered, pressing kiss after kiss against my head. "I'm so sorry."

He held me as I sobbed, gently rocking me back and forth and whispering words of comfort into my ear. I eventually managed to calm down, and I pulled away from him with a sniffle. "It's been.. a few months, and it's still hard t-to, uh.. walk. But I.. ran through the woods today, because we finally decided to look for you." I glanced at my knees with a frown. 

"John.." He sighed, then chuckled. "..I can't even scold you, because I'd have done exactly the same thing." 

I smiled a little, glancing back at him. "It's just.. hard sometimes, because.. anything and everything sends me back. I'll remember the pain I felt, or passing out in front of everyone, or being rushed into surgery, or.. when I was.. dead. And they.. they scare me- the flashbacks, I mean."

Lukas pulled me against him again, and I sighed as he spoke. "I'm going to do whatever I can to help you, okay?" 

"I'm sorry I brought this up," I frowned, glancing at him. "You're literally sitting in a hospital bed, recovering from being shot and beaten up, and I'm over here complaining."

"John, you- you literally passed away." He shook his head, "Even if it was only for a little bit. You got it way worse than I did- and you're still recovering from the event, which was over two months ago. And I know damn well this is the first time you've opened up about it, and I'm not upset, I just wish you would talk to everyone else more. They all care about you, love, and none of them want to see you so hurt. Anyways, I'm trying to say that you have absolutely no reason to feel sorry. I'm glad you told me."

"Thank you, babe." I smiled, then shifted and pulled him against me, kissing his forehead. "I imagine you're probably in pain right now?"

"My shoulders are a little sore, but it's not too bad," He mumbled, resting his head against my chest. "My head is killing me, though, and I think it's because of the thing I did."

"Yeah, Luke told all of us what happened. I mean, you told me, but it was.. kind of hard to comprehend, you were pretty out of it," I ran my fingers through his hair as I spoke. "But damn, baby, I'm so proud of you. He said your skills were fucking fantastic- and I mean, obviously they were, for you to do something like that."

"Yeah, but I.." He shifted a little, and glanced at me. "I think I killed a lot of them. I didn't want to, I was just trying to get them away, but they flew so far.. and I only felt a little bad."

"You were defending yourself, Buttercup," I murmured. "I, uh.. there's blood on my hands, too."

"What'd you do?" Lukas asked, furrowing his eyebrows a bit. I glanced away,

"I put a bullet through the heart of a man who apparently experimented on you, at some point, and another through the skull of a bastard who was about to murder Lui." I muttered dryly, "And I still feel bad. I feel plenty bad. But I also realize that if I hadn't killed them, I might have died, or Lui might have died."

"Did the other guys.." He trailed off, and I glanced at him.

"Everyone has blood on their hands, Lukas." I sighed, then pulled him against me, gently wrapping my arms around him. "God, I missed you so much," I whispered, kissing his forehead.

He smiled, and snuggled closer against me, before leaning up and pressing a kiss to my lips. I kissed him back, and our kiss deepened a bit as our tongues danced together. There was nothing more to it than the simple need to assure each other that we were reunited, again, finally. We parted every so often to breathe, but mostly stayed against each other, connecting our two bodies into one- even if it was for only a few minutes. His hands trailed down my sides, and I rested one of mine in his hair, playing with his white locks, while the other one rested on his back, rubbing it lightly.

After a while, we finally parted, and just held each other. He rested his head against my shoulder, and sighed. "I love you, Phoenix."

"I love you too, Buttercup."

"We've been through so much, and that still hasn't died." He chuckled, his gorgeous eyes meeting mine. "I hope it never does."

"It won't," I smiled, leaning forward slightly to press a gentle kiss against his temple, "as long as I have anything to do with it."

"Good," Lukas smiled, grabbing my arm and holding onto it. His action caused a giggle to escape from between my lips, and he looked at me with a grin. "God, I missed your giggles."

"I missed you," I smiled, laughing a little as he stuck his tongue out at me,

"That was cheesy. Smooth, but cheesy." He murmured, his grin only growing bigger. His eyes crinkled up a bit due to his grin, and his freckles seemed to grow even more noticeable. Lukas Reed was truly a magnificent sight to behold.

"Well, if my cheesy one-liners are always going to get that grin out of you, I'll have to do them more often." I smiled, leaning forward and pressing a little kiss onto his nose. A pink blush lightly dusted his cheeks, and he rolled his eyes with a little giggle.

"Dork," He murmured before kissing me. I kissed him back, then pulled away from him to sit up. I pulled him into my lap, and he smiled, wrapping his legs around my waist. "Seriously though, y'know what's unfair?" He sighed, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowing a bit. 

He smiled, then pointed at me with his index finger before he gently poked my chest. "You, and your incredibly good looks." I felt my face heat up, and his smile grew into a grin. "And your blush just makes you look ten times cuter."

I blushed even more, and buried my face into Lukas' shirt, so my face wasn't visible. "Stop making me blush," I mumbled into his shirt, making him laugh.

"Why would I stop? It's adorable," He hummed, then flicked my hair a bit, messing with it. "Also, I've seen you with your hair up before, but I like it. It's hot."

"Lukas!" My face got even hotter and he lightly pushed me off of him, before looking at me. 

"Now  _that's_ a blush, baby boy," Lukas smiled, and he leaned forward to kiss my forehead. "I just can't believe how fucking in love with you I am. It's like, literally everything you do just makes me fall for you, harder and harder."

His words brought familiar warmth spreading throughout me, and I smiled, pulling him closer to my chest. I kissed him, and he kissed me back. When we parted, he rested his head against me, and I sighed, content. "I missed this. I missed just being able to hold you, and talk to you, and make memories with you, even if we weren't doing anything at all."

"Me too," Lukas whispered, lifting my hand and intertwining our fingers. "And.. we've missed, uh, quite a few years together. But we've still got our entire lives ahead of us, John. And I'll be surely damned if I don't spend it with you."

"I love you, Lukas Reed." I murmured, gently squeezing his hand.

"I love you too, John Kryoz." He squeezed it back, and then kissed me.

As I kissed him back, there was only really one thought that I was focused on.

The future wouldn't be easy, I knew that much. But even if Lukas and I grew apart, there was absolutely no way I was letting him go. He was too important to me.

He was my buttercup, and I was his phoenix, and we both battled our own monsters. We were always fighting them, and sometimes, we fought each other. But we'd be fine, in the end.

We had to be.


	14. Chapter 14

**lukas**

 

_a month later_

 

Bum, bum, bum, went the sound of my baby boy's heart, as I rested my head against his chest. It was a lazy day. Luka rested half of his body on my lap, and the rest of it laid on the couch. On the other couch, Jay and Tyler were chilling. I smiled a little as I felt John start to run his fingers through my hair.

My shoulders had healed up nicely, but they still weren't a hundred percent. Of course, I could use them- they were just a little sore at times. John had worsened the condition of his knees that day, when we finally reunited, but he could still get around fine. He often had flashbacks, and time after time, I would suggest therapy. He shot my offer down, every time, though, to no surprise. To be fair, his condition wasn't worsening; hell, it was improving. But it was a slow process, and it pained me to see him like that.

"When's the last time any of us.. did anything?" Tyler suddenly murmured, and I turned my head a bit to glance over at him. "Like, Lukas, when you were gone, we spent all our time recovering, planning, and taking care of everyone who got sick. Now that you're back, we're.. well, we're still sort of recovering. What I'm getting at here is why don't we just have a night out on the town? Just fuck around, like the old days. Except we're.. adults now."

I hummed a bit, and John chuckled. "That sounds like a good idea, man. I'm sure we could all use a fucking break."

"But where do we go?" Jay asked, and I noticed the way he had slung his arm around Tyler's shoulders. I smiled a bit, then shifted.

"Anywhere. Who cares? We can just stroll around town, hit some shops, fuck shit up at parks?" I shrugged, petting Luka as he shifted a bit in my lap. I couldn't believe how big he had gotten already. It felt like no time at all had passed since he was just a little pup, but in reality, it had been almost six months.

"I think they're setting off fireworks, actually, near the town park." Jay murmured, and Tyler shifted a little, then rested his head on Jay's shoulder. John chuckled,

"So why don't we just chill there today?" He murmured, and I nodded.

"We can just.. do whatever, y'know?" I mumbled.

"Alright. Jay, be a dear and come with me to go tell everyone what we're doing?" Tyler stood up and held his hand out to Jay, who took it with a smile. I narrowed my eyes a bit, and grinned when I watched them intertwine their fingers. John elbowed me softly,

"Give it a few months and they'll be fucking." He chuckled, and I bit my lip to stifle laughter. I watched as they walked out of the room, quietly shutting the door, and I immediately pressed my lips against John's. He smiled into the kiss, and it quickly deepened, our tongues fighting lightly. He ran his fingers through my hair and I ran my hands down his torso, before I rested them on his hips. Luka hopped off of me and I chuckled a bit, pulling away from John.

"Speaking of fucking..." I raised an eyebrow, grinning at John. He hummed, then turned his head a bit to lightly kiss my neck. He then pulled away, and kissed my forehead.

"Your shoulders are fine, right? Well, not fine, but.. tolerable?" John raised an eyebrow, gently running his thumb over my cheekbone, and I nodded.

"Tolerable enough to have hot sex with you!" I cheered, laughing a little, and he rolled his eyes, a light blush dusting his cheeks.

"Okay, okay, I get it." He chuckled, then bit his lip slightly as he gazed at me. Soon, a small smile formed, and he chuckled. "Remember when, before we even started dating, I teased the fuck out of you?"

I chuckled, nodding my head. "Yeah, and then you fucking ruined me by saying you wanted to play Mario Kart instead of, y'know."

"Well, if you had kissed me..." John trailed off, grinning, and I punched his shoulder, smiling.

"You initiated the damn thing, you should've kissed me first." I raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, please, we're talking about seventeen year old John here. He was a pussy." He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and I shook my head,

"That was only three years ago, dumbass." I blinked a bit.

"Holy shit, that was only three years ago." He ran his fingers through his hair, and I nodded. "That's fucking crazy."

"Yeah," I murmured, then glanced at him. "Hey baby?"

"Yeah, beautiful?" John looked at me, and I smiled.

"I love you."

"I love you too." He leaned in and captured my lips in a sweet, yet beautifully passionate kiss. I draped my hands across his neck, and he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, before we parted. "I still can't believe how fucking stunning you look, with white hair. Can't say I'm surprised, though, because God damn, Lukas Reed, you are a work of art."

I felt my face heat up, and I buried my face into his chest, smiling a little. "Three years, and you still know how to make me blush," I spoke, making him giggle a bit.

"Three years, and I'm still in love with you," He murmured, and I pulled away to look at him.

"I still can't believe I'm dating the man of my dreams," I replied, repeating a bit of what he had said moments earlier.

"God, I fucking love you," John grinned, then pulled me against him, kissing my head over and over. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

I giggled, resting contently against his chest and in his arms. He eventually stopped, and I leaned up to kiss his forehead. "I love you too," I smiled.

"My little buttercup," He sighed, smiling as he gazed at me, "has blossomed into a strong, powerful person. He's charming, and unafraid, and passionate, and handsome, and sweet. But he'll always be my little buttercup."

"Really?" I tilted my head a bit, tracing the scar on his collarbones lightly, almost absentmindedly. "Well, my pretty phoenix, he.. he rose from the ashes, again. He always does that. And he picked himself back up, and grew stronger. Now, he's.. he's brave, and witty, and hot, and.. he's so strong. Stronger than he thinks that he is. And yet, he's still my pretty phoenix." I grabbed his hand, and intertwined our fingers, smiling as I felt John kiss my head.

"I don't know what I would've done, Lukas, if you never came back." He whispered, turning his head slightly and glancing away from me. "I really don't know what I would've done."

"But I'm here now, baby," I whispered, gently grasping the side of his face and turning his head so he could look at me. "I'm here now, and I don't plan on leaving again."

"Please don't." He sniffled slightly, and I frowned as I noticed the tears that were building up in his eyes. "Please, Lukas. I'm so afraid of losing you. I don't think you understand. I've had nightmares. I c-can't, Lukas.. I need you."

I wrapped my arms around him, and he rested his head against my shoulder, crying quietly. I rubbed his back, rocking us a little. I hummed softly, pressing kisses against his head every so often. "I know, love, and I'm so sorry I left. But I won't, okay?"

"How do I know that?" He whispered, his voice cracking slightly. I felt my heart break and I pulled away from him, then kissed him. He kissed me back, gently but passionately, and I reached my hands up to rid his face of their tears. His hands rested around my neck, and I pulled away to look at him. We stared into each other's eyes for a few seconds, before reconnecting our lips again. I felt the same spark that I felt oh so long ago, when our lips connected for the very first time. The way they felt, so smooth and soft, and how they tasted of vanilla.

We parted again, and just stared at each other, the both of us enveloped in silence- apart from our breaths. I soon reached forward and tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear, letting my thumb rest on his cheek. "I can't imagine how many times I've broken your heart, John. I.. I know I have, and I'm so fucking sorry," I whispered, biting my lip as I felt my eyes water. "You have.. no idea," I breathed, "how fucking sorry I am. If I could make it up to you, I would, Phoenix. If I could take back all of my-" I coughed as my tears started running down my face, and I took a breath before I continued. "If I could take back all of my stupid fucking mistakes, I would in a heartbeat. I just.. get so scared, baby. And I can't cope, so I run away, like a dumb fool. I know that no matter how many times I apologize, it doesn't make up for what we've missed, but.. I'm so sorry. How can I fix this, baby? Please, I'm listening."

"Don't break me anymore," He spoke, barely audible.

"I'm so sorry," I broke into sobs, and wrapped my arms around him. He fell against me weakly, and I tightened my grip around him, clutching at his shirt. "I'm so sorry."

"I know, Buttercup. I know."

 

•

 

"Luke! Come over here, stop being so awkward." I called, leaning against John. Luke rubbed the back of his neck before he sighed and walked over, sitting down across from me. "Seriously, man, quit it."

"But.. I don't know, I'm out of my element here. I'm surrounded by people." Luke sighed, glancing around a bit. "It's.. I mean yeah, I left to go do things for the white-coats, right? But I.. I was never, uh, really.. free, I guess."

"Look, man," John sighed, tossing a water bottle at Luke, who quickly caught it. "Just unwind. Okay? None of us here are judging you, so ignore everyone else."

"That's a lot easier said than done," Luke chuckled, running his fingers through his hair. "I can practically feel everyone's eyes on me."

"God, we need to get you a fucking boyfriend," I sighed, rubbing my temples. They both laughed, and I raised an eyebrow as I watched Jay walk over. He sat down next to Luke, and I zoned out for a bit to look around.

We were sitting in the park, at a picnic table, waiting for the fireworks to start. It was finally dark out, and most of the kids who were running around had finally settled down. It was nice and warm out, but had cooled down a bit, and the breeze was light. Fireflies lit up the air and I slowly came back as I realized more of our friends had sat down at the table.

"Hey, I never asked, but.. how come Craig isn't here? Did something happen?" Luke asked, blinking a bit, and I frowned.

"Yeah, something happened." John muttered, and I glanced at him. He sighed, "Craig, uh, turned against Lukas, for no reason. Lost his mind, dumped Tyler, and left. Then, uh, he came back and basically attacked us, with a bunch of white-coats."

"Oh," Luke frowned, tapping his fingers against the table. "Yeah, uh, makes sense that you dropped him. Any idea where he is now?"

"Nobody knows, and I don't think anybody gives a shit." John murmured, and I took a sip of my soda, picking at my cheese fries. He reached over and stole one, and I laughed a little, smiling at him. He leaned over and pressed a little kiss to my forehead.

"When are they setting off the fuckin' fireworks? I'm bored!" Tyler complained, sitting down on the other side of Jay and wrapping an arm around him. I chuckled, yawning a bit. John rested his head on my shoulder, and I smiled at him, running my fingers through his hair.

"Cutie," I chuckled, my smile growing when I watched a pink dust gather on his cheeks. I kissed his head, sighing contently.

"Your eyes are so freakin' pretty, Lukas," John spoke softly, and I felt my face get a little hot. He soon shifted, and then pressed his lips against mine in a gentle kiss. I kissed him back, giggling a little when I heard whistles. I went to pull away, but he trailed after me, deepening our kiss.

"Get a room!" I heard Scotty shout, and I laughed as we finally parted. John wrapped his arms around me, gazing at me with a smile. I grabbed his hand, and intertwined our fingers, observing his rings, and drifting off into my thoughts.

_"Lukas!" John snorted, grinning at me as I fell on my ass in the cold snow. "You fuckin' idiot!"_

_"Shut up!" I laughed, holding my hand out for him to take. He took it, but instead of him pulling me up, I quickly pulled him down. My brown curls fell in my hair as I laughed at him, and he rolled his eyes, punching my shoulder lightly. He then pulled me against him, and I sighed, happily resting my head against his shoulder._

_"Can you believe this is our last year of high school, Buttercup?" He asked, taking my hands and intertwining our fingers. I shook my head a bit, glancing up at him._

_"No, it's hard to believe. This past year has gone by so quickly, with you right by my side." I grinned before I leaned up, kissing him. He kissed me back, and we quickly parted. I shivered a bit as a rough wind blew, and John adjusted my beanie for me, before pressing a little kiss to the tip of my nose._

_"You're not going to college, right?" He asked, pulling me into his lap. I shrugged,_

_"I don't know. No, I don't think so. I'd rather keep doing YouTube." I spoke, wrapping my arms around his neck. He smiled, nodding at me,_

_"Yeah, me too, babe." He murmured, and I blushed a little as I looked into his eyes. His pretty, sky blue eyes._

_"God, remind me how I got so lucky?" I chuckled, smiling as I watched his already-rosy cheeks grow even pinker. "I've been blessed with a pretty phoenix."_

_"Shut up, Lukas," John chuckled, leaning forward and kissing my forehead. "It's a week till Christmas, love, what are you getting me?" He raised an eyebrow, grinning at me._

_I rolled my eyes, "I'm not telling you anything, loser." I giggled, kissing his forehead. "But it's a week? I thought it was a week and a day."_

_"No, today's the eighteenth, nerd." He murmured, wrapping his arms around my waist. "And then fine, I guess. If you don't tell me what you got me, then I don't tell you what I got you."_

_"Fine," I huffed, dramatically puffing my cheeks out. He squeezed them, and my lips made a weird noise as he did so, sending him into laughter. I shook my head, staring at him with a smile. "You're such a loser."_

_"Maybe," John shrugged, laying on his back in the snow. He pulled me on top of him, and I blushed a little at our position. "But I'm your loser, right?"_

_"Right," I nodded, leaning forward and kissing him. He kissed me back, and this time, it went a little further, our tongues dancing lightly. We soon parted, and I rested my head against his chest, soft giggles escaping from between my lips. "We're going to get sick, aren't we?"_

_"I don't know about me, but you probably will," He chuckled, and I rolled off of him and onto my back, making snow angels. "You have the weakest immune system in the world."_

_"That's not true!" I defended myself, turning my head and glancing over at him with a grin. "I just have the friendliest immune system in the world! They let all the germs stay around for a while before kicking their asses. Being nice doesn't make you weak, now, does it?"_

_He shook his head, grinning back at me. "God, I can't believe the love of my life is a fucking nerd."_

_"Ah, you love me though," I murmured, smiling as his lips pressed against my cheek. He pulled away, sitting up and nodding._

_"I love you more than anything, Lukas Reed," John smiled, and I pushed myself up so we were level._

_"And I love you more than anything, John Kryoz." Our lips met again in a short, simple and sweet kiss, and when we parted, John pulled me up. I laughed as picked me up, and I wrapped my arms around his neck as he wrapped his around my waist._

_"C'mon, let's binge watch Netflix and snuggle and drink hot cocoa before I have to head home, okay?" He grinned, and I nodded, pressing tons of kisses all over his face._

_"Okay."_

"Lukas? Buttercup? Baby? Love of my life? Man of my dreams? Hey, shithead!" John's voice made it's way to my ears, and I blinked, shaking my head a little.

"Huh?" I asked, glancing at him. He chuckled,

"The fireworks are about to start." He wrapped his arm around me, then seemed to hesitate for a second before pulling me onto his lap. I blushed, smiling as I felt him press a kiss to my neck.

"Isn't weird how only months ago, half of the world was dying because of a disease that was pretty much all my fault?" I chuckled, frowning a little. He sighed, and looked at me, our eyes meeting.

"Let's not think about that, alright, baby? It's behind us. It's in the past. Let's focus on the present. Let's focus on right now." He murmured, pressing a kiss to my jawline.

I couldn't help but feel bad. Feel bad for every mistake that I made. For all the damage I had done. For all the destruction I had caused. For breaking the love of my life's heart, over, and over, and over.

I was beginning to think maybe me coming back was a bad idea. Maybe it really was better off with me gone.

"Lukas, love? You're zoning off again." John's breath tickled my skin, and as I glanced at him, I knew I couldn't bare to hurt him anymore.

I knew what I had to do.

"Sorry, babe." I smiled, then tilted my head a bit so I could kiss his cheek. Once I pulled away, fireworks started going off in the sky. I felt John rest his chin on my shoulder, and I relaxed in his grip, with his arms around me.

I tried to take my mind off of my anxiety ridden thoughts, but my attempts proved futile. I couldn't help but think about how fucking terrible of a person I was. About how I always seemed to hurt John, one way or another.

I truly was a monster.

And monsters shouldn't be seen.

By anyone.


	15. Chapter 15

**john**   
  
  


I know Lukas better than he knows himself.

I know he's going to do something stupid.

I don't know what it is yet.

But maybe I do. Maybe, this entire time, I've been watching him, observing the way his mind works.

When he gets upset, he preoccupies himself with something, pushing his emotions to the side.

When he gets angry, he either takes to drawing, just doodling random shit all over his notebooks, or he punches things. Of course, the latter only happens when it's red, hot anger, the kind where you need to do something about it before it's too late.

When he's sad, he locks himself away and wallows in it. Lukas has a tough time accepting his emotions. He pushes them away and does almost anything to ignore them. It's hard, seeing him suffer in silence, but I never force anything on him. I know he'll open up when he's ready.

Besides, I'd be a hypocrite to do so.

I hate how often I lay in bed and do nothing. Nothing but lay, and think, in silence. Like right now.

Lukas was sound asleep, one arm draped over my waist and the other slung across the bed, with his hand resting in my hair. My head rested on his chest, and his steady heartbeat was all I could hear, apart from our quiet breaths. He was warm, and soothing, and comfy, and welcoming, and.. Lukas.

I was beginning to realize some of the anxieties that were clouding his intricate mind. From the way he spoke sometimes, so quiet and forlorn, it was easy to see he believed things wouldn't get better. I know he's going to leave again. I don't know when, but him rustling through the room at three in the morning last night, looking for shit and shoving other shit away, confirmed my suspicions. He didn't know I had woken up, and I didn't let him know, either. When he got back in bed, he fell against me, and through my half-lidded eyes I realized he had tears running down his face.

_"I don't know what to do," he whispered, running his fingers through my hair. "I don't know why I can't handle it. I don't know why I'm so weak. I don't know why I keep hurting you. I'm such a monster, John, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."_

_He shifted slightly, and curled up closer to me, wrapping an arm around me and resting his head against my chest. "I'm trying to be so strong, for the both of us, but I can't take it any longer. I'm so sorry, baby. I know you're asleep, and you can't hear me, but if you can.. for some reason.. I never meant for any of this to happen. I never meant to hurt you so badly, and I know.. I know this will make it worse, at least for a little bit. But then it'll get better, and you'll find a person who'll treat you better than I ever could have, Phoenix."_

_'That's not what I want,' wanted to tell him, so badly, that I was here. We were together for a reason. But my lips weren't working and my tongue was numb and I was so scared for him. I was so scared._

_"I don't think, that if I leave again.. we can fix ourselves this time," Lukas spoke, his eyelids fluttering shut. "Of course I want to, John, I want everything to be okay. I want to grow old with you. I want to spend the rest of forever, curled up in your arms. I want to kiss you and love you and tell you everything will be okay. But it's not okay."_

_He yawned, and I took the opportunity to shift in my 'sleep.' I wrapped my arm around him and pulled him tightly against me, trying to comfort him as much as I could considering he thought I was asleep. He sniffled, and leaned forwards, pressing a little kiss to my forehead. "I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry."_

_He didn't say anything after that, and I realized he had fallen asleep after a few minutes. I ran my fingers through his hair, shutting my eyes._

I spent the rest of that night crying quietly, and holding him to my chest, until I passed out.

Now, here we are again, except this time I can't sleep. I can't do anything. There's a heavy ache in my chest, in my heart, that's preventing me from doing a damn thing. I feel so fucking hopeless. I feel like I've let him down. I'm supposed to be there for him, but I'm not. He's going through this alone. What kind of a terrible fucking person was I?

I sat up, gently pulling myself away from Lukas, and ran my fingers through my hair. I bit my lip as tears started welling up in my eyes, for reasons I can't explain. I was sad, yes, but why was I crying?

I felt so weak. So useless, and stupid, and like such a failure. I was a monster. Not Lukas. God, my buttercup was so fucking precious. He was kind and smart and talented and lovely and he deserved everything he wanted and more. I loved him so fucking much, and I just wanted him to be happy.

If he could finally be happy somewhere else, somewhere where I wasn't, then so be it.

I glanced at the clock. It was already seven. Whatever, I'll just start my day, I guess.

I dragged myself out of bed, then grabbed some clothes and walked to my bathroom. I hopped in the shower and tried calming down, tried focusing my thoughts on anything but what they had been focused on for the past few hours. As the warm water hit my body, I felt myself drifting into memories- the most recent one being only about three weeks ago.

_"We're going to fall and die," Lukas chuckled as I swung my legs over the edge of the roof. I rolled my eyes,_

_"Fuck off, Lukas, don't joke like that." I murmured, a smile on my lips despite myself. He stuck his tongue out at me before he carefully sat down, and I wrapped my arm around his shoulders, pulling him against me. He sighed and rested my head on his chest, and I intertwined our fingers._

_"It's a great view of the city from where we are," He observed, and I nodded, glancing down at the city below us. We were on the roof of a tall ass building, and surface level was dozens of feet below._

_"I mean, the city is pretty, not gonna lie." I nodded, glancing at him with a grin. "But I think you're prettier."_

_"Shut up, John," He smiled, tilting his head up and kissing my neck. I chuckled, and rested my gaze on the promise ring that he still wore._

_"I can't believe you still wear it," I murmured, blinking a bit. Lukas hummed,_

_"Of course I still wear it." He smiled, playing with it a bit. "I'm going to wear this until I stop loving you."_

_"Which means you're never going to stop wearing it?" I asked, giggling a little, and he nodded, grinning._

_"That's exactly what I mean." He leaned forwards and kissed me, and I kissed him back, separating our linked hands to run mine through his hair. We soon parted, but he pulled me against him, and I rested my head on his shoulder with a smile._

_"I love you," I spoke, smiling as he started to play with my hair._

_"I love you too, baby boy."_

I snapped back into reality as the water got cold against my skin. I quickly finished washing up and then got out, drying myself off. My eyes landed on my reflection in the mirror, and I bit my lip as anxiety coursed through me. I tore my eyes off of it and got dressed, taking longer than I should have because I kept getting lost in my thoughts.

Eventually I walked out of the bathroom and back into my room, smiling as I saw Lukas sitting up and stretching. "Hey, Buttercup," I murmured, shutting my door. He glanced at me, running his fingers through his messy hair.

"Hi, Phoenix," He said softly, his little smile growing as I neared him. I sat down and he immediately fell into my arms, humming as he buried his face into my shirt. "You smell nice."

"Well, I just took a shower," I chuckled, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him against me. He pulled away, and kissed me, and I kissed him back. I ran my fingers through his hair, and he draped his around my neck. We parted, and I blinked at the smile on his face.

"I love you," He mumbled, grazing his thumb gently over my skin. I kissed his forehead,

"I love you too."

He pressed his lips against mine again, and then pulled away to kiss at my neck. My breath hitched slightly as his kisses became love-bites, and he sucked lightly on my skin. "Lukas," I hummed, "what're you doin'?"

"Just leaving my mark," He replied, and I raised an eyebrow as he pulled away. His eyes examined my neck, and he soon lowered himself again, reattaching his lips to my skin. His breath was hot against my skin, and I bit my lip as he pressed more kisses across my neck. "Well, marks." He soon nipped lightly at my sweet spot, and I couldn't manage to contain a very soft moan.

Lukas pulled away again, smiling, and I rolled my eyes. "Asshole," I huffed, then traced his jawline with my lips, pressing kisses against it. I soon started leaving hickeys on his neck, enjoying the way his breath hitched due to my touch.

Eventually I pulled off of him and pressed my lips against his in a kiss. He kissed me back, and then pushed me down lightly. When we parted, he just rested against me, playing with my hair. "What're we doin' today?" He asked, leaning in to kiss my cheek.

"I was hoping we could have a lazy day," I murmured, gazing softly at him. The sunlight from the window cast perfectly on his delicate features, and I felt my heart flutter as his eyes gleamed. His gorgeous, picture perfect eyes. His freckles stood out, and his lips curled into the most perfect smile I'd ever seen. His dimples were a little visible, and I grabbed my phone to take a picture of him. He raised an eyebrow as he watched me, and I chuckled. "Couldn't help it, you look so pretty, I had to save the moment."

His cheeks developed a pink tone and I grinned, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "A lazy day is fine with me," He murmured, rolling off of me. "Can we make cookies?"

"I mean, sure," I chuckled, sitting up to glance at him. "You gonna take a shower? I can go set everything up."

He grinned, "Such a sweetheart." He sat up and kissed my forehead, "Yeah, I'm going to take a shower."

"Okay," I nodded, stretching a bit and watching as he grabbed his clothes and made his way to the door. "Love you, babe."

"Love you too." He smiled before he walked into the bathroom, and I groaned, running my fingers through my hair.

The things that boy was doing to me.

I stood up and slid my phone into my pocket again, walking downstairs and heading to the kitchen. I pulled out the shit we needed to make cookies, and turned the TV on while I waited. I watched the News, before quickly changing it because the real world was fucking depressing.

I pulled my phone out and texted the groupchat, sighing.

**johnnieboi, 8:43 am: hi fuccers**

**jaayy, 8:43 am: tyler and i forgot to tell u and lukas but we're spending the day at town**

**johnnieboi, 8:43 am: ok, just use protection boys**

**tyler, 8:44 am: suck my dick, john**

**johnnieboi, 8:44 am: i have a boyfriend**

**tyler, 8:44 am: ngl tho ur definitely the type to have a threesome**

**johnnieboi, 8:45 am: excuse me ?**

**lukester, 8:45 am: why is it that we only ever talk about sex in this fucking groupchat**

**jaayy, 8:46 am: bc this gc is a gc of horny gay men**

**tyler, 8:46 am: jay don't ever say that again please**

**jaayy, 8:46 am: sry, didnt mean 2 give u a boner in public**

**scotty, 8:47 am: shut your fuck**

**johnnieboi, 8:47 am: ???**

**marcy, 8:47 am: my boyfriend is stupid**

**scotty, 8:48 am: ing mouths**

**lukass, 8:48 am: wait if tyler and jay aren't home then can't we just have sex all day john?**

**johnnieboi, 8:49 am: lukas wtf i thought you were taking a shower**

**lukass, 8:49 am: yeah i'm done tho i don't take hour long showers like you do**

**johnnieboi, 8:49 am: well at it least it doesn't take me three hours to pick out what i'm wearing**

**lukass, 8:50 am: i feel attacked**

**lukester, 8:51 am: wtfff,,,,**

**brick, 8:51 am: i'm fuckein ron ecrying .! >?,**

**brrrein, 8:52 am: i made brock cry oops**

**lukass, 8:52 am: !?!? wtf happened**

**brick, 8:52 am:** **_> >>> photo attached_ **

**brick, 8:52 am: THT HAPPAENDEAEF**

**lukester, 8:53 am: iwhat is that**

**brrrein, 8:53 am: a promise ring**

**brick, 8:54 am: im NOT OK**

**brrrein, 8:54 am: i'm in love with him. had 2 make sure he knew.**

**lukass, 8:54 am: me and john did it first just sayin'**

**johnnieboi, 8:55 am: don't be an asshole babe lol**

**lukass, 8:55 am: im just kidding,,, congrats guys!**

**johnnieboi, 8:55 am: ^ happy for you two lil shits. remember though, you wouldn't have even startred dating if it wasn't for me @ the mall in like eleventh grade**

**brick, 8:56 am: thnks john**

**johnnieboi, 8:57 am: im the ultimate wingman, just syin.**

**lukass, 8:58 am: k, phoenix get off your phone will you ? i wanna make cookies now**

**johnnieboi, 8:58 am: ok buttercup**

I shut my phone off and glanced over at Lukas as he walked into the room. Upon seeing me, he grinned, and then ran over to me, jumping into my arms. I laughed and my wrapped my arms around him, my laughter growing as he pressed kiss after kiss onto my face. "I can't believe how much of a cutie you are," He murmured, and I felt my face heat up.

"Shut up," I giggled, leaning forwards to kiss him. He kissed me back, and he slid out of my arms once we parted.

"Cookies!" He cheered, and I rolled my eyes, smiling at him. "Oh, thank gosh, we have the shit that you just pop into the oven. I was not ready to actually make cookies from scratch."

"Nah, I'm a hundred percent certain that we'd burn the fuckin' entire apartment down if we did that," I murmured, watching as he opened the package full of cookie dough. I walked to the fridge, humming. "Want anything to drink, babe?"

"Dick," He replied immediately, and I rolled my eyes as I opened the fridge, smiling.

"Yeah, hold on, let me just throw a dick in the blender real quick." I retorted, pulling out a water bottle.

"Really? For me?" He chuckled, and I blinked as I felt arms around my waist. I turned my head to look at him, and he leaned forward, stealing a kiss. I kissed him back, laughing as he pulled away, taking my water bottle.

"Hey! Thief!" I yelled, grinning as he quickly walked away.

"Jeez, love, I know I stole your heart but you don't have to call me a  _thief_ for it," He huffed, and I rolled my eyes, grabbing another water bottle.

"You literally could have just asked for a water, you shithead," I huffed, closing the door to the fridge and then walking over to him. I kissed his neck, smiling as he seemed to shiver underneath me. He started putting the cookies on the cookie sheet, and I wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing more kisses against his neck. I lowered his shirt slightly to kiss a little further down, until I started lightly nipping at his skin, leaving pretty little marks. The colorful hues contrasted nicely against his pale complexion. I moved my hands a bit so they rested further down, hooking my thumbs under his pants to rub lightly at his hips.

"John.." he huffed, moving away from the counter to put the cookies in the oven. I trailed after him, never taking my hands off of him. He put them in, and then shut it, and I pushed him against the counter again, kissing him. He kissed me back, and I ran my hands up his shirt, trailing his fingers across his abdomen. He ran his fingers through my hair, and our kiss deepened as our tongues fought. I soon pulled away from him to kiss his neck again, and he huffed, then thrusted his hips against mine lightly. I bit my lip to stifle a moan, and he took the opportunity to switch our positions.

"How long does it take for cookies to bake?" I asked, my breath quickening as he lightly rolled my skin between his teeth.

"Like, twenty minutes," He murmured, "but there's another batch if these end up burning."

"Thank fuck," I sighed, chuckling a bit.

"Why'd you have to get horny when we were supposed to make cookies?" He rolled his eyes, and I felt my face heat up.

"You're not complaining, though, are you?" I murmured, and he kissed me. I kissed him back, gazing at him as we parted.

"'Course not," He chuckled. "Just thank fuck we're home alone today."

I nodded, and he took my hand, leading us back to our room.

 

•

 

I walked out of the bathroom, a bit surprised when I didn't see Lukas. "Babe? Where'd you go?"

"THE COOKIES AREN'T BURNT!" I heard a yell from downstairs, and I rolled my eyes as I walked down them and into the kitchen. Lukas had pulled the cookies out, and I walked over to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"Have fun walking down the stairs?" He asked, chuckling, and I felt my face heat a little.

"No, it was a pain in the ass," I huffed, watching his smile grow. "Literally."

"It'll be like another five minutes until they're cool enough to be eaten," Lukas murmured, glancing at the cookies again. "But they look really good and it's really tempting."

"Go ahead and burn your tongue off," I chuckled, tucking a stray hair behind his ear. "Wait, actually, don't. Because then you won't be able to kiss me."

"Or suck your dick."

"Lukas," I groaned, watching as he laughed. He leaned over and kissed my cheek, smiling.

"You're so cute when you blush."

"Gotta blast," I chuckled, walking over to the pantry and pulling out snacks. Literally everything I saw, I pulled out. "Let's not do real food today, let's just eat shitty food."

"Fine with me." He murmured, and I took them, then walked into the living room, setting them on the table.

"What do you wanna watch!?" I asked, switching through the channels until I eventually just turned Netflix on.

"I don't care!" He replied, and I sighed.

"That doesn't help."

Eventually I picked something out, and he walked in with a plate of cookies. I sat down on the couch, and he sat next to me. We huddled up in blankets and then both grabbed a cookie. "Okay, in three, two, one."

We took a bite of our cookies at the same time, and I sighed happily as I tasted it. It was fuckin' good. Lukas' eyes widened and he threw his head back, moaning as he took another bite of the cookie. I laughed, "Holy shit, Lukas, did you just fucking cum?"

"God, who needs dick when you can have cookies instead?" He giggled, and I rolled my eyes, pulling him against my chest.

"You're a fucking loser," I smiled, running my fingers through his hair, "but you're my loser."

He said nothing, just leaned up and kissed my cheek. I started the movie and we watched it in a comfortable silence.

 

•

 

I had caught him trying to leave.

The door to the apartment shut, and I jumped out of the bed, not even bothering to put my shoes on as I ran down the stairs. I needed to do something. Even if I couldn't stop him. Just let me say goodbye.

I threw the door open, and looked down the hallways, panicking when I didn't see him. I quickly ran down the hall, and down the stairs, until I made it to the lobby. I ran through the doors and felt tears well up in my eyes as my gaze landed on Lukas, who was walking away. "Lukas!" I called, watching him stop in his tracks. He turned, and stared at me, and I ran my fingers through my hair. "Buttercup, please.."

He seemed to hesitate, before he started walking over to me. When he was close enough, I could see the tears that were streaming down his face. "I have to leave, John," He said, pausing a few feet in front of me.

"No you don't, baby," I whispered, stepping forward and brushing his cheek with my hand. "No you don't."

"You don't understand," He said, his own hand reaching up to grab mine, and gently pull it off of his face. He paused, before intertwining our fingers. "I'm a monster."

"If you're a monster, then I am too," I huffed, tears falling down my face as I blinked. "I don't want you to go, Lukas."

"I'm sorry, Phoenix, but I have to." He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, and sniffled, and I pulled him against me in a hug. He hugged me back, shaking as he sobbed into my shoulder. "I need to leave."

"Why?" My voice cracked as I cried, and I rubbed his back. "Why, Lukas?"

"I'm weak," He answered, pulling away to cup my face in his hands, "and you don't need that. Nobody here needs that. You deserve someone who will treat you how you deserve to be treated. Like a fucking god."

"I don't want to be treated like a god, Buttercup," I murmured, making no attempts to calm myself down. "I want to be treated like how you treat me already. Like a phoenix. I don't care that you think you're a monster. I need you, Lukas."

"No, no you don't-"

"Bullshit," I sobbed, pulling him against me again. "Bullshit. I need you so fucking badly. Don't leave me again. Please, please don't leave me again."

"You'll be happier without me," He cried against me, rubbing shapes into my back. "I promise."

"When do you ever stay true to a promise, Lukas?"

"I'm sorry, John."

I pulled away to look at him, and he sighed. "This is it, then? Just like that? We're done? Three years down the drain."

"A year and a half," He shrugged, rubbing my hand as he intertwined our fingers again. "I was gone for two, remember?"

I glanced away from him, biting my lip. "So we're over."

"I guess so," He whispered. "It's been fun."

"It's been fun?" I asked, glancing at him. "You, the love of my fucking life, is about to walk out of my life. Again. And all you can say is 'it's been fun'?"

"I'm sorry, John." He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry. That's all I'll ever be. Sorry. Don't you see? I have to apologize because I've caused so many problems."

"Your only problem is that you're a coward, Lukas," I shook my head, separating our hands. "Learn to deal."

"I'm sorry, were you captured and experimented on by crazy fucking scientists? Did you spread a disease that could have caused the end of the world? Did you find out you have magical powers and then use them to accidentally fucking murder people?" He threw his hands up as he spoke, and the street light above us started flickering. "I  _know_ how to deal, John. I'm sorry that I was roughly thrust back into society, back into a relationship with a man who I loved with all of my heart but hadn't seen in fucking ages, back into a world that I was no longer familiar with. Twice. It was hard. There's the problem. I can't deal with myself."

"Did you kill people? Did you put your finger on the trigger of a gun, and then willingly send a bullet into people, knowing it would kill them? That it would end their fucking life? Or did  _you_ die? Did you fucking see yourself die?" I spoke quickly, feeling so overwhelmed with so many different fucking emotions. "It's not my fault you never fucking spoke up about anything, Lukas! I would have helped you, you fucking  _know_ I would have! But no, you sat and sulked and cried in our fucking room, then left. And when you came back, you did the same thing, hiding yourself away whenever you became overwhelmed. God fucking damn it, what were you thinking?"

"How many times did I just fucking say that the problem was with me, John!?" He ran his fingers through his hair, stepping back slightly. "I know I'm stupid for shutting myself away, but I can't help it! I have a problem accepting and coping and moving on and I'm trying to figure it out but god damn I know I'll only hurt people by doing it. I have to leave. I have to go."

"Did I ever mean anything to you?" I asked, and Lukas stopped, staring dead at me.

"You're fucking joking, right?"

"No."

"Did you ever mean anything to me?" He asked, raising his eyebrows. "John, I'm a dumb freak who can't do shit right. But there's one thing I did right. And that was love you. I loved you with all of my fucking heart, and I still do. Don't you ever,  _ever_ question if my feelings for you were real. They were. They still are. How could you, even for a second, assume otherwise?"

"I don't know," I whispered. "I'm sorry, I just.. You're leaving me, again. And I don't know if you're coming back."

"Neither do I," he sighed. "John, I need you to move on. Got it? Forget about me. If we're meant to be.."

"Then we'll see each other again," I sighed, rolling my eyes. "No promises, Lukas, but that means you move on, too."

"No promises."

I pulled him against me in a hug, and he hugged me back, sniffling slightly. "I love you, John. I love you. I know I'm leaving, which definitely counteracts me saying that, but I love you so fucking much. I will never stop loving you."

"I love you too, Lukas." I said, holding him tightly against me. "I love you so fucking much."

We pulled away from each other, and I reached up and rested my hand on the side of his face. "Goodbye kiss, Buttercup?" I asked, tears running down my face, and he smiled, nodding.

"Of course, Phoenix."

I leaned in and pressed my lips against his. He kissed me back, and I savored the way he tasted. Sweet, like candy, and he felt so nice. His lips were familiar against mine, and our kiss deepened. Our tongues danced against each other's lightly, and it was obvious both of us were taking our time. I reached down and intertwined our fingers on both hands, squeezing them. When both of us were out of breath, we parted, and I stepped away, separating our hands again.

Lukas gazed at me, tears running down his face again. "I love you, John."

"I love you too, Lukas."

"Goodbye, Phoenix." He murmured, backing up and beginning to walk away.

"Goodbye, Buttercup."

I watched the love of my life walk away, away from me. I watched until he was out of view, and I stood in my spot, and stared at where he used to be. My buttercup. My fragile, broken, tattered little buttercup.

Except he wasn't mine anymore.

I wasn't his phoenix, either.

There was no more us.

I was a phoenix, and he was a buttercup.

And the both of us were fucking monsters.

 

**the end.**   
  



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